Psychiatry update on my wife

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jbauls
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 7/30/2010 10:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Over a year ago my wife went to see the Psychiatrist. She lost her insurance 1 month after seeing him so the medication she was on was never given a chance to work. I never knew what the official diagnosis was because I didn't go to the appointment with her.

Now TODAY was her appointment with the psychiatrist. I WENT TO THIS ONE. Get this:

So he asks her how she is and what is going on and she immediately yields to me and looks to me to talk. I asked her if she was sure and she said "yeah go ahead".

So I proceeded to explain, from my point of view, her symptoms. I even gave him the self assessment test she took about a week ago that pointed to what I suspected, Bipolar Type II.

He responded rather quickly with this: (Paraphrasing) Yeah, this is no surprise to me, the last time you were here a year ago you were diagnosed with Bi-Polar.

Holy crap I thought.

I believe my wife when she says he only said something about a mood disorder at her first visit.

So my feelings were finally validated after years of knowing something was wrong. I can't tell you how many times my wife would make ME feel crazy for even thinking such a thing. At least now though I can learn to deal with this illness head on and not be accused of projecting or assuming things that aren't true. It was a relief that because he diagnosed her over a year ago. My fear was that he would make a new diagnosis today and she would blame me for CONVINCING him what was really going on because I was pushy or something that attaches blame where it doesn't belong.

Now I hope she OWNS this and learns to help herself and we can begin the healing process and come back together as a unit as a family and as husband and wife. She was prescribed Lamictal to start with.

Go help us on the road ahead. I really do miss her company.

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/30/2010 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Lamictal is a good drug.  It tends to work well for women.  The sexual side effects are not common and not severe.  I don't believe the manufacturer even notes sexual side effects.  It also tends to not cause weight gain - which can be pronounced with other bp meds.
 
To give you a little hope: 
 
I used to be homebound, unable to function.  The last big mood swing I had I lost my job, lost my son's childcare, lost my house, dropped out of college and ended up in the hospital.  Ouch.  That one still hurts.
 
On Lamictal, I can (appear to) function normally.  I still can't hold a job or stay in school.  But I can muddle along working odd jobs to pay for my car.  My relationship is solid - in fact, he proposed last weekend!!!  I don't have many physical side effects.
 
For us, getting the diagnosis was a HUGE relief.  You can't fix it if you don't know what is wrong.  Now that I KNOW what it is, I've learned a lot of self-care that helps keep me well.  If you hang around here, you'll know when I've stopped taking care of myself because I am definitely NOT well.  :P
 
I hope she does own it and do what is necessary to stay well.
 
Keep in mind it will take 6 - 8 weeks to get up to a dose that will work - if Lamictal will work for her.
 
Good luck!
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."


happy bill
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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 7/30/2010 8:16 PM (GMT -7)   

 

   I hope she owns this also. FOr me and my wife it had come to blows and she had a corkscrew so i came out the worse on that end. For whatever reason i  had a moment of clarity that allowed me to see where blame well and truely lay. WITH ME>  So i quickly came to terms with it, embraced it as who and what i am, and have moved forward with my life with this in it.

  THe meds started with abilify, which helped a little. Then to respirdal which helped alot (however which scared the hell out of me.) During that time i have had plenty of ups and downs, but all in all with the medications i have had lots more better days than bad.

   But it took time to learn to deal with this whole BP thing.  THat was what the therpast was for, she helped me greatly.  During that time i was also working hard to rebuild my life. The whole thing took alot of work and alot of time. ANd it wasnt any huge ah hah moments that showed i was getting better, just a slow steady progression back to normal.

  What im trying to say is that this will take a lot of time and alot of work on both your parts to overcome what has happened. However with love and understanding and a real commitment on both your arts you can make it.

  Good luck

  Bill


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

Tired/Confused
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/31/2010 10:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I have read some of your posts and gave me a better understanding of what is goin on with my husband. I am currently seperated from him and have filed for divorce. He was diagnosed about 4 years ago and has had countless affairs and has been on and off his medication and during the off times is self medicating. it is truely a nightmare, and reading some of the posts of the women, it is like reading my own diary and it is amazing to me how simular the stories are.
My question for you is: he has threatened to kill me, ruin my life, friends life. etc... should I be worried? I asked my lawyer about a restraining order and was asked if there was ever any physical abuse--no never, but the situation has changed, should I be worried?? I don't trust him, he has stolen from me, lied, sold stuff behind my back...I guess I have always wanted to think the best of him, but now I just don't know if he would actually do something like that. Watch lifetime or 20/20 and the stories are saturated with BP spouses that eventually kill the other spouse, bc they didn't get what they wanted. Of course the story is typical, last week he was nice, and today he wants me dead. the worst part is there are children involved and with temporary orders, he was granted limited visitation, can leave the house with the children. After today, i don't even want them to be around him. I am worried for them, what he is going to tell them, or is telling them. I do not want to keep the kids from him, but i don't want them to be subjected to his fury. when i go back to the lawyer i will ask for psych evaluation for him, and that he see his dr weekly before visitation. If you have any more advice for me I would apprecitate it. My priority is my children and what is in their best interest. When he is 'stable' he is a good dad, but since i filed and he was served, that 'stable' person is no where to be found.
Tired/Confused

LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 8/1/2010 7:13 AM (GMT -7)   
jbauls, I'm glad she was finally diagnosed, this will help a lot. Lamictal has worked wonders for me and many other people and hopefully it will do the same for her. Good luck to you both.

Tired/Confused~ My advice, don't let him near those kids until he is on meds and has been on them for a while. You need to make it so that he CAN NOT see those kids unless he is on meds and in counseling...he obviously needs it. Maybe that will force him to do something about his BP. My parents took my daughter away from me because of my mood swings, anger issues, and self medicating. It made me change. It took a while, but eventually I got on meds and got her back after I was stable. Hope this helps a bit.

P.S~I've threatened my husband many time and have been emotionally and physically abusive while self medicating. The drugs and alcohol do absolutely nothing but make things 10 times worse. He needs to be off of them in order to be around you all. But, saying that, my husband is still here and very much alive and well. Sometimes it is simply the anger talking.
I know I'm not perfect, and I don't live to be...But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. - Bob Marley

Bipolar I
OCD
Anxiety Disorder
PTSD

Tired/Confused
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/1/2010 12:23 PM (GMT -7)   
LindzKay, Thanks for the advice! I am glad your better and I hope that my soon to be ex gets better too! I hate seeing him this way and it is so hard for me to not tell the kids 'he's crazy' and try as hard as I can to keep this quiet for their sake. I don't want them to worry more than they already are. when I told my lawyer about the BP, I could tell there was no understanding of what I was talking about and not near enough worry to satisfy me-knowing that the kids would have to go see him eventually. I know that he is using drugs-but have no proof--except everyone within a 100 mile radius knows, but no solid proof. I hope that it he will get help, because the kids need a father around, and when he is well -he is great, when he's sick---it is a living nightmare!
Glad your husband is alive, it does bring some peace to me! he has never been abusive, but he is so unpredictable- I just never know.
Thank you again!

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 8/1/2010 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
T/C,
I may have read that wrong, but if he has threaten to kill you then I think you may want to get the police involved now that he has threaten you. It might set him off, but unfortunately given what you have said for right now he is clearly a danger to you/your children, and perhaps to himself. Was anyone a witness to these threats? If he is a danger to you/your children then you need help, is there a crisis center or any other women's advocacy place in your local area that might help you find the correct lawyer for you? Because first and foremost you have to protect your children and their primary caregiver, which is you. I would love for him to be healthy and a wonderful father, but that is not realistic for right now in his state of threatening you.
Take Care,
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 8/1/2010 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
MMMNAVY said...
T/C,
I may have read that wrong, but if he has threaten to kill you then I think you may want to get the police involved now that he has threaten you. It might set him off, but unfortunately given what you have said for right now he is clearly a danger to you/your children, and perhaps to himself. Was anyone a witness to these threats? If he is a danger to you/your children then you need help, is there a crisis center or any other women's advocacy place in your local area that might help you find the correct lawyer for you? Because first and foremost you have to protect your children and their primary caregiver, which is you. I would love for him to be healthy and a wonderful father, but that is not realistic for right now in his state of threatening you.
Take Care,
Navy
^^^ What he said! ^^^
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 8/1/2010 5:19 PM (GMT -7)   
tort.,
Thanks, I was worried that might come off wrong.
Navy

P.S. T/C:
If you are concerned about what to say to the children, because obviously "he's crazy" is not healthy for them. But depending on their ages something along the lines of "your father suffers from an illness that does not always allow him to do what is in yours or his best interest, even though he may feel like it is in his best interest at that time, if you get scared around your father then it is ok to call 911."
Then practice doing that.

Please Ladies and Gentlemen, if I am wrong here then please feel free to correct me.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 8/1/2010 6:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Navy and tortoise11 are both correct. You really do need to get someone involved that understands what is going on and that can enforce something upon your husband. Also, about what to tell your kids, my parents told my daughter that I was very sick and needed to get some help from some doctors, so that I could be a better mom. Bless their hearts, kids are so resilient. She kept telling me that I was a good mom, even though I felt like a horrible one, but that she was proud of me for getting help and would ask me every day if I took my medication. Even now, when i get in a mood she will come up and give me a hug and say she is so proud of me for being such a good mom. Things may not look so good now, but they can get better. Best wishes to you all.
I know I'm not perfect, and I don't live to be...But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. - Bob Marley

Bipolar I
OCD
Anxiety Disorder
PTSD

LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 8/1/2010 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
jbauls~ How are you and your wife doing?
I know I'm not perfect, and I don't live to be...But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. - Bob Marley

Bipolar I
OCD
Anxiety Disorder
PTSD

jbauls
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/1/2010 10:11 PM (GMT -7)   
She is moving out. I told her that I can't give her any more because she doesn't give anything back. I am done being on my hands and knees pleading for her to fight against this disease and come back to me. I can't treat her wonderfully right now because I am out of energy. All she does is take. I have to let her go for now. I think she just wants other relationships and wants to live a selfish life right now. She needs more than meds. She has no spiritual side and she has no friends that really care about her well being only the good times that can be had from her presence.

I have given up trying right now. I'm exhausted and have cried more in the past few weeks than my whole life.

jbauls
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/1/2010 10:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Now that she has been diagnosed officially she isn't handling it well. Today she tried to convince me that I raped her.

Ugh

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 8/1/2010 10:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you are going through this. I cast my "you are doing the right thing" vote, but I still encourage you to get the book I recommended.

Give yourself a break. You love her, you've done your best, and everything you could. You deserve a medal for everything you have tried.
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/2/2010 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  I'm also sorry she isnt handling this well, but time will tell if she has what it takes to come out of this.  She will say awefull things, just try and let it go if she does. Not for her sake but for yours. No good is ever accomplished by carrying around hurt and pain, it just makes your life that much worse. 

    I'll keep a good thought for you today, stay strong and hope for the best.

  Bill

 


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/2/2010 9:09 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  jbauls, i wanted to share with you something that i have been thinking about your situation. Its a  few thoughts so please bear with me.

  Thought number 1, I have been where you are sir, i know the pain you are going thru. When my wife found out about my multipal affairs she hit the roof (cant say i blame her) She was so upset that she attacked me with a corkscrew and came darn close to my carotid arterly. (bad spelling today, sorry)  Of course both of us wanted a divorce right away. We hated each other and blamed each other for what happened. But instead of moving out and burning down the village (so to speak) my wife and i decided to hang together long enough to see if the meds and therpay would have an effect. And over weeks, months, and now years it has. Yesterday i celebrated my birthday with my wife and we had a fantastic day, and i wouldnt have had that had she and i just bailed out and quit right there. It wasnt easy, it was lots of tears, lots of hurt feelings, lots of life changes, and in a way, lots of reinventing who and what i was. But we made it and we did it. And looking back, it was all worth all the effort.

   Thought number 2.  Two of my jobs are high stress, 100% mistake free or someone gets hurt or loses a life type jobs.  Both of these (firefighter and LP Detective) we learn and also teach that sometimes you have to slow way down to do something right. That there are times when speed really does kill. ANd when it is all freaking out, when your world is on fire and everything is about to end, the hardest thing to do is to slow down, and make sure that what you do is the right thing. Sometimes the knee jerk reaction will save your life, often it will get you killed. (in my line of work)  

   I' m just saying i know you are in a world of hurt right now, and it seems like this pain will never go away. But it does and it will. And you rwife could get better with the meds and treatment. She is going to have to come to grips with this desease just as you are, and her brian isnt exactly working right right now is it? I'm just trying to help you not make a decision that you may regret in a few months or years. We do get better, we can lead normal lives and have normal monogamous relationships. BP isnt an automatic death sentance to her chances of leading a successful and normal life.

   Again i will keep you and your family in my thoughts today.

   Bill 


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.
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