You know, i have worked very hard to incorperate my BP into my life in various good ways. Hey if im going to have this thing, might as well make the best of it.
So i have become one of the best Loss prevention dectective that sears has. Less than fifteen percent of LP people ever get to 100 cases, even less do it in less than a year and a half working part time. So yes, you can be BP and one of the top in your field. I now get cases slower because i am training a new crop of dectectives who are just burning up the cameras and apprehensions. I take great pride in seeing how well they are doing, and i feel that work for me is a huge help in controling both my BP mania and depressions. I work labor intensive projects when i am manic, and use the good things i have accomplished there when i am down to help me feel better.
No one ever said this desease was going to be easy. But no one ever said it wasa death sentence to our hopes and dreams either. And i may be wrong, but isnt the symbol used by the chinese to express probelm is also the same one they use to express oppturnity.
I define this desease effect on my life, BP does not define me.
Hope this helps you a bit. Bill
"But no one ever said it was a death sentence to our hopes and dreams either. "
But Bill - it really can be this! I have no hope of a career. My survival plan is be a good wife and let him pay the bills. :(
I *should* just be thrilled to have a great relationship. I know it's not the norm for bp.
But instead, I'm angry that I can't live out my dreams.
And I'm secretly intensely jealous that nuts?, havana, and others have made it so far in school. I've dropped out of college 3 times in 6 years. Even with disability accomodations, I can't handle the stress! The last time I ended up in the hospital.
I know I have it pretty good for being bp1. But not being able to pursue my dreams really hurts. :(
thats the way to look at it. And you are absolutly correct about the grieving process, it applies to this desease also perfectly. I've had almost 2 solid years of learning to live with this and coming to grips with it.
For whatever reason i can't or dont hold on to pain and hurt. Maybe its a defense mechisim. I dont question, i just accept and move on in my life.
And i bet you will make a great dog trainer tortoise. Feel like trying your hand with a very stubbron bernese mtn dog????? LOL LOL LOL He is a great friend but a bit opinionied about how and what he should do.
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…
Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 8/3/2010 12:41:11 PM (GMT-6)
I am experiencing so much anger right now, and of course my depression symptoms just feed that anger.
I understand the urge to throw something, hit something, scream, cry enlessly etc. Try to calm yourself down in these moments. I try not to think of the big huge picture of my life and take a simple walk, do some deep breathing talk with friend, spend time with a pet? drinkg WATER..I think in these times of such intense symptoms you need to cope in the moment. Not overwhelm yourself with what is wrong with your life and wonder why you're not acheiveing such big goals. One moment at a time.
I think it's the small steps that can help with the big ones.