Mirror, mirror on the wall

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 8/5/2010 8:20 AM (GMT -6)   
I joined this forum because I needed the fellowship. I needed to reconnect emotionally and feel I was okay.

This morning, I am pulling away.

Thanks for letting me share for the little while I was here.

Post Edited (Anne_S) : 10/3/2010 10:03:37 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 8/5/2010 8:49 AM (GMT -6)   

I think learning to see the logical, unemotional side of life is a SKILL, that helps encourage good decision making. It's a like a muscle - keep practicing it and it will become easier!

There's lots of love to go around on this board. :D
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 8/5/2010 3:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Tortoise, I've been like that (logical, unemotional, discerning) my whole life. It perked me up a bit to read your words that that was a skill :)

There are times I wish I could be more emotionally connected to people - so I could have fuller interpersonal relationships - but being so robotic at times does have its benefits!

Wonderful artwork BTW
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
Lamictal and Abilify are my friends

happy bill
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/8/2010 12:12 PM (GMT -6)   


 You know i understand where you are and have been. I to seem to fall into the same trap again and again and again. What is the definition of insanity? DOing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome.

  Honestly i have started to look at ways to break this cycle in myself, finding happiness in things that are not subject to change. Such as my dog, or dogs and cats in general. They are allways happy to see you, allways as open as they can be, and make no secret of the fact of how much they care about you. 

  People? People constantly amaze me again and again.  Often times they tend to follow the normal script and tend to be petty, silly, and childish. Makes me want to go live in a cabin in the woods sometimes.

  Maybe its my BP that keeps me from forming strong social bonds.  I dont know. I just dont seem to be interested in the petty, silliness and backbiting most people call relationships.

   But in the end, if you can at least put your finger on what you think the problem is, then you are further along than most people. 




   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/7/2010 2:14 PM (GMT -6)   
I just want to say I needed to hear your voice in your words and the pain behind them but yet the knowing that it's going to be okay even on the worst days....
After living my life full well knowing I was sick, not normal, hard to live with and difficult to deal with,  thinking that others would just put up with me cause I was so wonderful in some other way.  Well my fiance, boyfriend, live in, whatever you call it of 8 years came to me with the idea I was a narcissist, (maybe thats why he hasn't married me?) after seeing the possibilities I researched it.  I have definitely realized after so much reading that I am histrionic.  Doomed is exactly what i feel.  Will the people i love still want to love someone with this crap going on in my head and the crap coming out my mouth?
Will they ever believe anything I feel, say, or do as an honest thing?  Would they ever believe that the intent was never wrong?  I just needed whatever i needed and acted the way i acted? Are my children doomed with a mother like me?  Im really struggling here and running away from it all sounds really nice....running to people that don't know this me.  Now that I know this about me I can make sure I don't do it again and be a new me somewhere else....cause the pain that will soon come with the rejection I could possibly get is just going to suck.  I too am a teacher.  Wonder how many histrionics are teachers?  Just interesting to me.....
 So much of your words were my own words or thoughts... this statement here stood out and hit me like a sledgehammer...
Ouch. No wonder I attract men who tend towards emotional distancing. They find me rather curious and endearing at first, rather flamboyant and socially independent, and when I find myself not getting my needs met, and I become asking, then questioning, then demanding, and they do not respond, I flip out. Eventually, I internalize, then I become reclusive and very depressed.....
Ive always felt I could draw anyone in, i could make anyone interested, but noone is ever going to stay around....and after him knowing this about me...well... lol he would be an idiot to push forward....im just so emotionally stirred right now...ugh this sucks worse than hearing the horrible things about my behavior from someone but now admitting they are true!
I'm just numb but scared embarrassed and feel like life is surely about to change......

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 9/7/2010 2:43 PM (GMT -6)   
There's something about getting a diagnosis that is so depressing. But knowledge is power! You're not "doomed"!

You KNOW what your personal tendency is. There is STRENGTH in that. You are the life of the party. Use that ABILITY to your advantage and to serve others.

Organize an employee party. Join PTA.

Make it a point to every day, thank someone and tell them you appreciate them. One simple act like this every day will go a long ways towards people perceiving you as either self-centered or energetic and literally life of the party.

I think your disorder is a gift. I'm a little jealous. ;) lol

Stay well!
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

Depakote, Abilify - FAIL; Seroquel - Epic Fail
Lamictal 200mg, Klonopin 0.5mg as needed, starting Seroquel XR 50mg soon
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