Wow, my life is in ruins, and i feel ok with that.

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happy bill
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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/13/2010 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
   Well story time. Today my wife found out she got a new job and we went out to celebrate. She had a few drings on an empty stomach and then proceeded to tell me how bad it was being married to me beacuse of my food issues (i am very picky). After bereating me awhile with that she stopped and i was in a pissed mood and decided not to say a thing so as to not make it worse. I drop her off at home and go to work.
 
   She texts me a little later and tells me i should sleep in the middle room for a while since i have treated her so bad while she was unemployed. And that it was unacceptable that i told my mom that she got a job, and that i wasnt ever home to help out. And it true, i work between 80-90 hours a week to support the family, sorry that i cant be home to do the dishes and laundry also. And telling my mom that my wife got a job was bad? SHe never talks to my mom so i let my mom know that things were getting better around here financially.
 
   SO then to make things worse she pulles up a program to search out ever email i have wrtten, and yes, 2 months ago during a mania attack i emailed a girl about sex, and that was it. I didnt follow thru, i realized what i was doing and called my doctor and took extra meds. I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE.
 
   So she flipped out, and i understand and respect that. But she was spoiling for a fight all day. SHe is so very unhappy but will not talk to me, or her therpast,, or anyone. ALl she wants is more meds, xanex especially. Her belief is that you should be so medicated that you dont feel a thing.
 
  SO after destroying some of my stuff,a nd threating me with a knife, and calling my family to tell them how aweful i am i am out of the house for tonight. I am going to a motel, and i have base tommrrow night for a 24 hour shift, and then sunday i will see what i want to do.
 
  Honestly i want out. Have for a while. I am going to stop paying the morgage and just move into an apartment and be done with it. All i need is my cats, a pillow on the floor and thats about it.  My PDoc felt that when i had my mania it was great that i recoginized it and got help before it got to far. My wife feels that any failure is grounds for not being with me anymore. So fine, i will get my stuff and move on.
 
   Ok, vent over. If this is to be then i am at peace with that. 
 
    Bill
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

tortoise11
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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 8/13/2010 5:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't forget Thor! I hope everything works out.

If you were a newbie around here I would be telling you DO NOT put up with her threatening you with a knife! You might not be so lucky next time! But you're a smart guy, so I bet you have it all figured out.

Don't screw yourself over financially!
 
ETA:  Forgot your hug.  (((hug)))
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/13/2010 5:56 PM (GMT -7)   
 
  Thanks tortise, but thor will go with her. Because she will do that to hurt me. FIne, pain passes.  Me and the cats will get along fine.  I might have to kill myself financially to do this, but the difference is that with hard work (im not afraid of) i can recovcer. As for her, i am glad to be done. It was too much work with too little rewards. I will get out of my house in a two week period, and such is life. I can survive a forclosure, apartment living doesnt  scare me. If thats the cost then thats the cost.
 
     BIll 
  Thanks for the hug. I can use that. I will be off the rest of tonight, she trashed my computer but my pictures are safe. I will be at base tommrrow so i will rest there and bee on the computer.
 
  Bill
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 8/13/2010 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry to hear about you and your wife Bill. Hopefully this will be a good thing for the both of you. You know what's sad? You two sound like my husband and I at times, I guess everyone has their hard times. Best wish to you and your cats!

Lindz
I know I'm not perfect, and I don't live to be...But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. - Bob Marley

Bipolar I
OCD
Anxiety Disorder
PTSD

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/14/2010 5:21 AM (GMT -7)   
 
  Just a quick update. I am safe at work after a night at a hotel. My mom wants me out, my bosses want me out, its not healthy to be near her. Her threatening me with a knife is the final straw. I got my main bike with me and more important i saved my pictures. Those were the only things of value in the house. She destroyed my meds, my trains, an my models. SO i can buy all new ones. I am generally glad to be done with this, just not looking forward to the long road ahead of me. Such is life, things worth doing are also hard.
 
    Anyway i am safe. TIme to go and find an apartment. I feel in my heart that i am good here. I didnt cheat, i thought about it, realized i was in a bad place, and got help before i did anything stupid. I am getting slamed for actually doing the deed which i didnt even do. Well life is fun. ANd yes, i acknowage that me slipping even a bit could dredge up all those old memeories. But at the same time is that cause to destroy everything and threaten me with a knife. NO it isnt.
 
   I will remain positive and upbeat, one door closes means another one opens. Life does go on, and there are plenty of days ahead of me where i will stop and smile and be glad of just being alive.
 
    Bill
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

Carenpolar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 672
   Posted 8/14/2010 7:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry, that you are  in this spot right now..
 
hugs, Caren

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/14/2010 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  Thanks caren. I'll take all the hugs i can get. LOL LOL LOL

  I'm trying to get thru to apartment places right now, have to see what happens whith them.
  I have  achoice of three right now and may spend a little more than i planned to get in a very good community in a great part of town. Have to see if they have any to rent.
 
  I'll keep you all posted. It took this to get things moving but now that they are moving i am going along with the flow. I just want to get my own place and be safe.
 
  Bill  
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

GreenTeaHero
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 181
   Posted 8/14/2010 8:45 AM (GMT -7)   
hey bill,
im just here to say i'm pulling for you, you're gonna make it man...
this board is here to support you and i really hope things work out well.
(((hugs)))

Anne_S
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 8/14/2010 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Incredible thing to be going through Bill. You must feel exhausted. I am wondering if you should make a police report for her threatening you and the destruction of your personal effects? It is good to have a record of this, just in case.... The woman is victimizing you. This is nasty all the same. You have a good support system in place. And a good head on your shoulders. And your heart in pure. Stay empowered in your rights. Good luck.
topiramate 25 mg bid
cyclothemia ~ histrionic
--------------------------

"My own brain is to me the most unaccountable of machinery - always buzzing, humming, soaring roaring diving, and then buried in mud. And why? What's this passion for?" (Virginia Woolf)

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/14/2010 9:32 AM (GMT -7)   

 

   Thanks for all the support you all rock.

  Got thru to one appartment place and they have places aviable right away. So at least i have that right now.

   And i am going to work on getting way lots of sleep in the near future. With sleep and lots of rest i can  get thru  this mess. My hope is  she decides to move on with  her life.  Let her move in  with her  sister and  be their  problem for awhile. 

   Bill       


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 8/14/2010 11:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Bill,
I hope you know that I support you in whatever life choices you make. I am concerned about you enough to write this when I am in the hospital (needed a blood transfusion). Please take it easy on yourself. I am glad you are getting out of that situation and in a more stable enviroment. It sounds like there are alot of toxic things going on. But I am concerned about a foreclosure would look on your credit report and furthermore on how it would reflect upon you at any divorce processings. I know you can handle it, but if you are ready to get out, make sure you are getting out in the right way. I want to make sure that all parties have enfranchisement. Again I support you. I just want to make sure that things are going to be cool five years down the road.
Take Care,
Navy
P.S. In case you need UPR (Unconditional Positive Reguard) you got that too! 
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders: All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 8/14/2010 12:42:13 PM (GMT-6)


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/14/2010 11:42 AM (GMT -7)   
 
  Thanks MMMNAvy, you are the best writing me from the hospital. I am being careful right now. I am going to live real cheap, i mean lights and heat and thats it. I have tons of DVD's that i can watch over and over. ANd books. ANd models to build. Me and the cats will be fine.
 
   By living cheap i might fall one month back on my morgage but otherwise might be able to support both if  i am working for myself as it is. And i wont have to buy food for her, or any of the other things that sucked money out of my pocket day after day. Let her go to the store, do the laundry, clean the house, and get back and forth to work. I am done with that.
 
  I will do the best i can to keep my finances straight, however if they get hammered i can recover with hard work.   
 
  MMMNavy you concentrate  on getting better.  ANd lots of love to all of you who have offered support.
 
   Bill      
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 8/14/2010 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Bill - I wanted to say how much inspiration and encouragement your relationship gave me when I was first DXed and really afraid that my relationship would fall apart.

But I know you've been thinking your marriage has been going downhill for a while, so I believe you that this isn't a snap decision made out of a mood swing.

I agree that her behavior is abusive and that a police report would be good! (Do you have one from the last time she stabbed you?!)

Enjoy being sinlge and as soon as it's legal.... go have fun with all your pent-up "energy." ;)
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 8/14/2010 8:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bill,
 
It sounds like you have been struggling for a long time with a woman with many issues.  You have the patience of Jobe.  I don't know how you did it. 
 
Though I am always sad to see relationships end.  It certainly sounds like you are doing the right thing for your own safety.  This is a very smart move.  Do you two have any children who may not be safe?  It sounds like she really needs help.  Does she see anybody? 
 
I am just glad to know that you are getting out of this situation.  You are a wonderful person and don't deserve this treatment. 
 
Take care my friend.  Watch your back until you are out of there.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/15/2010 3:35 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  Well my wife called me last night  very calm and said i could come back home and live in the middle bedroom. I said that would be ok for a day or two but that i was getting an apartment and moving out.   She kept trying to assign blame, i just kept sidestepping that and refused to blame her or i. Whats the point at this stage inthe game, whats broken is broken. I'm tired of living this life with her.   SO i simply said that we have both grown   so far apart in so  many ways and that   this has been an issue for years. That no one was to blame, that people  do grow   apart.

   Now i will get the apartment and move out. She said she will give me money for the cable and the internet   to  stay on and i will see if thats true. In a month if she wont i will cut them off. She starts her new  job in sept and that starts at 40k a year. She said she would pay half to three quarters of the house bill. Again thats fine. I am willing to work to make things easy. Delaware divorce law says that we have to be apart for 6 months before getting a divorce. And that if both parties make roughly the same  money then there is no alimony. Her son is 19, and has his own appartment in dover, so its just  us and the dog.

  You all know how  much  thor means to me. But at this point in my life ineed to be gone to have a life.

   Bill

                                                                                                             


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

red lightening
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 8/15/2010 6:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hang in there Bill...you are getting through this beautifully. I'm a little afraid for you to even spend one night in that house with her but you know what you're doing. You are a great addition to this board and we all support you...keep posting!!!

Anne_S
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 8/15/2010 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
It's Genetic is making fine sense right now. I also believe in documenting the threat and the destruction of your personal effects via a police report. Distance allows one's heart to soften to the point of enabling. Beware falling back into patterns of old. Relationships are salvageable, indeed. But man oh man, the lady's got to roll up her sleeves and bring it on.... own up and work on getting well. Right? Aw the dance of love. It's like 'Running With Scissors'. Can get so bloody crazy insane and so full of love no matter how dangerous or volatile or wacky. What the hell do I know? Protect your interests, stand up for your rights, assert yourself, respect your boundaries, put your foot down, and keep processing....
Take care.
topiramate 25 mg bid
cyclothemia ~ histrionic
--------------------------

"My own brain is to me the most unaccountable of machinery - always buzzing, humming, soaring roaring diving, and then buried in mud. And why? What's this passion for?" (Virginia Woolf)

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/15/2010 3:23 PM (GMT -7)   
 
  Thanks everyone, here's whats happening now.  I did go home this morning long enough to get my bike out of the garage and get a mtn bike ride in. THat helped my heart (which is hurting, despite the brave face i put on it) and  cleared my head.  Then i went to the firehouse for a shower and lunch. That was all good.
 
   Then she called and asked where i was. I told her she knew where i was (out looking at appartments) SHe wanted to know where, i said i didnt feel comfortable telling that her right now. Then she tells me she is crying, and sad. Ten minutes later i get a text from her asking if i have money she could have so she could get out of the house.
 
  She then called me and asked me why i was moving out. and that wasnt i going to stay and work things out. I said no that i needed to get away, that was it pure and simple. 
 
   What was missing, the words I'm sorry, or ill get help for my rage problem. Nope, none of that. SHe wants me to come home tonight and sleep in the middle bedroom, honestly i dont feel safe doing that.  I got home and looked at the damage. Alot of my stuff is destroyed, beaten with a stick and whatnot, or thrown. But destroyed none the less.
 
    But i did get the appartment, a nice two bedroom backign up on the woods, third floor. Perfect for me. It may not be much but it will be mine.
 
    Ok, im at work at sears tonight, staying away from home and earnign money. YAY>
 
   Thanks everyone.
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 8/16/2010 8:24 AM (GMT -7)   

BILL! I am so sorry I've been away! Oh my...I am so worried about you, and reading this thread, I am almost in tears knowing you and Thor are going to be apart. Honestly. I am so so very sorry this has happened to you.

First, you truly deserve better. You deserve to be safe and happy.

Second, she was violent, so it all has to end no matter what in my opinion.

Third, I am so very proud of you. I know this has been a struggle for quite some time, and I believe in you and believe you are making good decisions for yourself. Glad you have the kitties with you.

You are a wonderful and strong person. I know you will get through this. I know each day is going to be tough for awhile, but at least you are finding some peace. Don't stop writing to us. I know you will feel much better knowing we are all here to surround you with hugs and love and unconditional support.

Hopefully her calls will stop because that doesn't make things easier on you. Good for you for sticking to your plan and being calm and firm in what you are communicating to her.

No matter what happens, we are here.

Many many hugs Bill !

Mogs

Oh and I agreed with the suggestion about reporting the incident to the police. It's important I think to do that.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed for panic attacks
---temporarily off Lamictal----
Seroquel 50mg/night

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 8/16/2010 11:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Bill,

 

Just popping in to say hello and that I am really proud of you for the way that you are handling this situation.  You are a good man and you deserve to be safe and happy.  She has to help herself now.  I hope that she can do that.

Take care my friend.

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/16/2010 12:30 PM (GMT -7)   

 

   Well things are going well. I have a deposit down on an apartment, just waiting to hear i was approved.  I am going to see my mom tommrrow, she has been great in helping out. She knows i have screwed up in the past but that this is a toxic relationsip that isnt good for me.

   So if all goes well i will move in on thur. It might only be a bed on the floor and my cats but i am honestly looking forward to it.

   Finally i have had so much "advice" about getting "evil" and stomping snake heads to get  out of this marriage. I just can't be that way. Evil begets Evil. If i get screwed doing the right thing, than that will be fine  because at the end of the day, when i look back on my life i need to be able to say i did all that i could to be a good man. My Karma bank account eeds to be kept full, besides it goes against my grain to be hurtfull and evil.

   And thanks for all the support, you all are the best.

   Bill

 


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 8/16/2010 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Bill - police report is not evil. It's smart. Good luck on the apartment. I wish there something I could DO for you!

How about a hug?

(((hug)))
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/16/2010 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Now Tortoise, don't go falling in love with me cause im soon to be single. LOL LOL LOL

  OK< Im a brat. LOL LOL

  Really you all have been a godsend, its been so much help being able to come here and have the support i get from you all.

   Yea, the police report thing is serious, and i will think about it.

    Aside from that i am eager to move on.

   Bill 


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 8/16/2010 3:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello, Bill.  I have been a HW member for many years now, but always post in the depression and sometimes anxiety forums.  However, I still often read on here because I also have trouble with mood swings - and often find help with this here too.
 
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers will be with you as you go through this difficult time.  I have read many of your posts where you stated your commitment to your marriage; but yet still felt many doubts.  It is truly unfortunate that your wife took the actions that she did.  But at least you now know your gut feelings were right.  I agree with all the other posters.  You're number one priority right now is to be safe.
 
I also agree about filing a police report.  But if you choose not to do that you should perhaps take pictures of all the damage that she did.  And just to protect yourself perhaps you should talk to a family attorney.  Usually the first meetings are free.  Maybe just get a true legal opinion on what you can/should be doing to protect yourself.  Look at how she is behaving now; I am concerned about what she could do now that you are standing up for yourself and leaving her.
 
Anyways...that's my 2 cents.  I know the times ahead will undoubtedly be tough.  But I am so glad that you will be in a safe environment where you can work on healing and getting stronger.
 
All my regards...
Cass

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/16/2010 3:41 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Thanks Cass,  that means alot. Its good to know that i have such great support here.

   Bill


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.
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