You guys know my last week has been hellish.
I slept well last night, am in a normal mood today and suddenly realizing how much damage this past week has done on the relationship between my fiance and me.
Last night, I verbalized my suicial thoughts/impulses/desires. I was cutting myself. Conveniently for me, my mood flipped and I fell asleep and slept soundly - best sleep in a month! He... didn't sleep very well. I'm not sure that he slept at all! He looks like hell this morning. I feel so guilty for causing this.
He is just about done with me. He can't take anymore!
I don't know what to do. I've had times of good/normal mood throughout the past week. So how does he (or I!) know if I'm finally stable or if it's some tease, some cruel trick in a longer nightmare?! I want to make this go away.
I have been in touch with my Dr. I had an appointment last Wednesday and another this afternoon. I have been staying focused all week on charting my moods and listing my symptoms. Clearly, this new Dr. doesn't know me well enough to know that when I say I'm "all over the place", it means that I'm having hypomanic through suicidal everyday, along with almost every symptom you can imagine everyday. I know that I have to do a better job communicating with my Dr. in order to get this fixed.
I really am TRYING! What else can I do?