Im not well... something is very wrong

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SuthernBelle
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 8/27/2010 10:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I have felt this way beofre but never this bad. I am up one minute and down the next , I have lost my temper several times with my kids today .. my little boy was frustrated with his sister and yelled at her ,  grapped him by the arm and told him to get out of my house if he couldnt act any better... five minutes later I was online an he an I were looking at a new cell phone for him .  Then my daughter kept entering the wrong password on her facebook , and I jumped off the couch and ran over to the computer room and screamed at her that she was entering the wrong password, and I just started screaming I CANT TAKE THIS TODAY!! I keep looking at the clock , I have to go to work in a few hours and I do NOT feel like it , I ahve to talk to my boss about changing my schedule and it is NOT going to go over well , and Im afraid I may snap on him.  I jsut went to the grocery store ( I had to force myself to do this) and almost knocked a woman down bc she just was walking to slow, I kept thinking to myself , WHY do I have to live in a world with stupid people, SLOW people. The right light took way to long to change and I felt like getting out of my car and throwing something at it until it broke, so I slammed on the gas when it changed and peeled out on two wheels.  the sink is full of dishes and the sitter will be here in an hour , I still have to cook supper....
 
Its like my body is trying to feel bad but im so hyped up inside that it cant ( if that makes any sense) and it is very agitating!!  I ahve felt like screaming all day ... Im so annoyed at everything , and I want to tell someone off... just someone ... anyone... they I immediatley feel terrible about my thoughts.  Its not really energy thats overflowing , like it usually is ... Its just plain and simple aggravation.. agitation , and anger,  and it is up to my ears .

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 8/27/2010 11:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Sound like a manic or mixed episode. Call your pdoc NOW!
 
Can someone take your kids for a few days?  Can your pdoc contact a social worker and get them in respite care if family/friends can't take them.  They should not be in the house with you.

It's better to call in sick than to lose your job!

STAY SAFE!

Post Edited (tortoise11) : 8/27/2010 12:09:27 PM (GMT-6)


SuthernBelle
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 8/27/2010 11:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I have yet to see a pdoc ... only went for the intake and my appt with the pdoc is 9/22... I guess Icould call the intake worker I saw...

I ahve no family here ... only BF... But im going to go ahead and go into work ... If I have to leave , I will be anle to.The sitter will be here for the kids in a few minutes ... so they are ok for now , I will see how I am later. Im supposed to work double the nest two days , so at least I wont be yelling at the kids.

I got so mad that I had to load the dishwasher that I was just grabbing dishes as fast a ss i could and putting them in and I grabbed all the silverware at once and there as a large knife in tehre almost cut my hand , and I thought well if Im stupid enough to grab the knife then I deserve to get cut. I am calmer now ( again) thoughts are still racing , but anger and aggravation is less .. for the next ten minutes anyway.


I keep getting spam from this one company and I have asked them nicely to stop emailing me numerous times ... they did it again and I called them and told them to go straight to hell .. that one was kinda funny ...

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 8/27/2010 12:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Call the intake worker - this is significant and should not wait! People do crazy things in these states and some end up in jail.. or dead.
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

Depakote, Abilify - FAIL; Seroquel - Epic Fail
Lamictal 150mg (up to 200mg soon), Klonopin 0.5mg as needed, starting Seroquel XR 50mg soon

Jo C
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 8/27/2010 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   
My Mother used to do that. I thought it was my fault. I don't mean to be hurtful I just want to add a little perspective. I hide in my room when I am like that because I'm afraid of hurting someone.
I hope that you were able to get someone to help. I'm not judging you I feel the same all the time. I used to scream at my husband and throw things and just yell at random strangers.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 8/28/2010 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   
You are probably at work right now and I hope it is going good. But it sounds like you could use a mood stabilizer. You have too much anger going on and aggitation. I want you to be safe and I want your children to be safe. My mother was bipolar and it was sheer hell for me. Her moods were all over the place. It was scarey. So do get some help. Please be careful. Slow your thoughts down and try to relax. Let us know how you are.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

SuthernBelle
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 8/30/2010 3:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone.....
 
I was actually ok after  Igot to work ... everything was fine then.  My kids have always been a stressor for me . I hate to admit it , but it is true. They are good kids, but they dont listen very well and we are working on that , but still , when im in that mood , jsut their prescence is enough to cause me agitation at times.
 
I did have enough courage that day to tell my boss  that he has to fix my schedule or im leaving , and he did... so now instead of working nights , and all the trouble that caused with bf and kids and everything else, Im working days ... no need for a sitter bc I will be home before the kids get home from school , and I aill have the afternoon/night to spend with my family. plus i will be making double what I was making at night.
 
So there is one good thing :)
 
school starts tomorrow and that is stressing me a bit as well .... two weeks ago I was hyped up and decided to re decorate my kids rooom ( BF says I must have been smoking something every time he walks in that room now ) it is bright, walls are covered with decals ... its very cute , but VERY over done.  And I got together all of my girls clothes and gave them to a lady on craigslist that had put up an add saying her kids were in need .... So I gave her all my kids clothes ( well , most of them)   WIth the intention of buying a new wardrobe for school
 
 
How in the world I thought I could buy three kids new wardrobes in two weeks , plus all my other bills , is beyond me..... But that was my plan at the time....
 
I guess thats the only stupid thing ive done around here latley ... so maybe I should be thankful... although I do have people calling and emailing all day and night bc (during that same week I mentioned above) I inquired about opening a dairy queen franchise... which is actually something BF and I have discuessed in the past ... but this was a monday and I wanted it done by weeks end :)
 
it is strange ... before I started my job , I would be hypo for a day or two, then crash in to depression, and feel like I had the flu for at least two days. this happened every week without fail
 
Now that I ahve been working , Im MORE hypo, more often, and have only had ONE despressive episode that lasted two days....
 
its very strange.....
 
 

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 8/30/2010 5:54 AM (GMT -7)   
When I'm working, I'm more hypo. But as soon as it ends, I crash and lose the job. My longest hypomania/mania was 14 months. I worked a HIGH-STRESS, deadline-oriented job that most people could not handle. I loved it. And heard through the grapevine that they had a hard time replacing me. :)

I'm glad your mood passed. I think you need to find a system to keep yourself in check.

There's a new changed around here. My episodes seem to be closely related to my sleep schedule.

1) I can sleep in the basement bedroom where it is totally dark and quiet. This WORKS when I can't sleep otherwise.

2) Wireless internet goes on a timer tonight. No internet/cable after midnight. Plan to move that time towards 11 p.m. gradually.

3) To some degree it doesn't matter when I sleep - just that I am sleeping enough. So napping is good - especially when I'm recovering from a rought day. I had an overwhelming day on Saturday. Saturday night, I slept 10 hours. Sunday I took a 5 hour nap. And I slept 9 hours last night.

Sleep schedule and dark therapy help keep my up-swings in check and Lamictal is good for the down sides.
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

Depakote, Abilify - FAIL; Seroquel - Epic Fail
Lamictal 150mg (up to 200mg soon), Klonopin 0.5mg as needed, starting Seroquel XR 50mg soon

SuthernBelle
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 8/31/2010 3:54 AM (GMT -7)   
im home today .. first day of school for the kids :)
 
I am slightly depressed .... not sad at all , but last night I felt feverish, and thats how my depression starts... not mch energy, and feeling sick...  Also bf and I got into another argument (STUPID argument ) yesterday.
 
I had planned to buy the girls school bags that i found on craigslist, this lasy had them for only 5 dollars, and they were brand new.. but it was an hour drive... So bf says " go meet her at 7 pm and i will take the kids with me to the scout meeting, and then you will not have to leave them home alone , and it will ave you money on buying book bags...
 
So that was the plan for last night... and when I got home from work< it was 5 pm and I was tired... SO I went onlne to the gap and found they had a sale on bookbags for 6 dollars .... so I decided to go to the mall and get those, ( five minutes from my home)  when bf called (just before I was leaving to go to the mall) This was the conversation:
 
HI I TEXT YOU THIS MORNING AND NO ANSWER ALL DAY! 
 
I have a very busy job , sorry I didnt get a bathroom break , much less time to look at my blackberry so I left it in the car.
 
OK WHEN ARE YOU LEAVING TO GET THE BAGS?
 
im actually not going to make that drive, I can get the same bags for almost as cheap, and ....... ) this is where he interrupts me  and I couldnt get another word in :
 
WHAT MAKES YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, YOU ARE LIKE SOME DICTATOR, YOU JSUT CHANGE YOUR MIND ON A WHIM, i HAD PLANS NOW AND MY PLANS WERE PLANNED AROUND YOU GOING, I WAS GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS WITH ME TO SCOUTS AND (BLAH BLAHB LAH )
 
im trying to get a word in at this point , and I keep telling him how silly he is acting
 
he goes on:  ILL TELL YOU WHAT , IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO DECIDE THINGS ON YOUR OWN THEN YOU DO YOUR THING , AND ILL DO MINE. ILL TAKE CARE OF MY KID, AND YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURS.
 
he went on and on about how *I* changed his plans bc of my decision....  but the only thing that changed is that he didnt have to take the kids with him to scouts.
 
so i hung up on him and we havent spoken since
 
 
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