LOL @ It's Genetic. I could never work for him! He's very tough on support staff. And I'm not reliable. There are very few days that I can interact wtih people "in person"! When I'm having a bad day, talking to people I don't know will trigger irritability, rage, panic. I am very isolated with the exception of internet. However, when I am in a slighty elevated mood, I really am a "people-person" and a bit of a performer.
The art is nice because it is a relaxing thing. I can go to my room in the basement and chill out. I can hear my son's footsteps, so I can hear if he got up from his nap early or something. I can do it on days that I am too overwhelmed to get dressed or eat something. It's predictable and routine. (I do hope it doesn't get boring!!)
I hope that I could earn a real income equivalent to a part-time job. I have a really hard time accepting that I can't work. (Getting a job triggers hypomania and I lose the job as soon as it the moods ends. ) A decent income will do a lot for my self worth and help tremendously with my suicidalness.
Sorry I've been so absent from everything around here.
I know you've been having a rough go; definitely worried about suicidal thoughts and cutting...I know that you know what you need to do in those situations to be safe.
I think it's very wise to cut some things out of your life now and simplify. How healing that must have felt?
Like the rest of us, you're haning in and trying to make the best decisions for yourself. I am sending hugs and patting you on the back for continuing to fight so hard. Watch those mixed states; they are just the worst.