Do not know what to do!

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 8/31/2010 12:19 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been married for a couple of years. My problem is that he drinks allot, in my opinion he is an alcoholic, but he says there are people out there who drinks more than he does. When he drinks he becomes more agitated and more aggressive with me. I have bi-polar and the two illnesses do not mix well. I become distant and I seem to go into more manic episodes when he drinks. I become very cold and hateful. I know he does not understand my illness although he is trying too. I do not understand his illness. Both of these issues are affecting our marriage. It takes courage and strength just to face my illness on a minute to minute basis. Sometimes my energy level just gets overloaded having to deal with both of our problems. Can anyone offer me advise on how to cope with both problems and come out as a happier and heather marriage.

red lightening
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 8/31/2010 12:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Try Al-Anon for You. It helps You...not him...but by helping yourself you
are better able to cope with his illness. I am Bipolar and a recovering
alcoholic...I have been sober for almost 2 years and I attend A.A. It
doesn't work for everyone but it has helped me a lot. Many alcoholics
have underlying mood disorders that they try to self-medicate with alcohol.
It sounds like he is in the denial stage. You may not be able to get him to an
A.A. meeting because he has to want to stop himself. But you can increase
your serenity by learning to take care of yourself and detach from him. Remember
that he is a very sick person and the disease of alcoholism affects the whole family
and makes everyone sick. Try to take care of yourself by attending Al-anon and your
home life will improve because you will be o.k. whether he drinks or not.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 8/31/2010 3:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi...thought I'd return the kindness you showed me earlier. I understand what you're going through, my dad was an alcoholic so is my little brother. I unfortunately took the roll as caretaker from an early age. My mom blamed my dads drinking on me when she could and after he passed away my brothers wife and friends would call me all hours of the night when he got stupid.
It's not easy living that way....not your burden to carry, though easier said than done.
There have been a lot of exchanges between my husband and I to get on same page. It's still a work in progress. The most important part is him wanting to understand how to help you and your understanding that you can't fix him. He has to be ready to take those steps. You can support him and love him but not at the cost of your sanity.
Understand what makes you tick, what sets you off and try to listen to your bodies cues. Step back when you must.... it's ok
That's all for now, I hope it helps a little.
Faith... is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.

Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
meds: pristq, lamotrigine, ambien cr, Xanax
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