I am very concerned about you that I gathered up some of the things that have been concern me. Because I want you to print this list off and take it too your therapist. I am not making fun or judging, and I truly apologize if this comes off bad. I am just trying to help you organize your thoughts so you can get the help you need. You have said something has been wrong for a couple of days and I can see how this is hurting you, your bf, and the children. I hope this helps you to get along a healthier and happier path.
1. Fighting with bf, because of not notifying him of my change of decision regarding children’s school bags (lack of communication issue, somewhat due to job issues and now silent treatment), added to tension about the children’s wardrobe, leading to negative thinking (I have thought all night about how he disgusts me in so many ways, and I wonder if I even love him anymore... I thought seriously about signing up again for match or some other website... Im so tired of his BS... and he is such a nerd... and a complete jerk sometimes... my ex husband was an abusive bipolar alcoholic and I was happier with him most of the time. )
2. Job Stress- from current job to dairy queen franchise
3.Feeling depressed and physically sick
1. gave most of the girls clothes to lady in need, but “How in the world I thought I could buy three kids new wardrobes in two weeks , plus all my other bills , is beyond me..... But that was my plan at the time....”
2. I am up one minute and down the next , I have lost my temper several times with my kids today .. my little boy was frustrated with his sister and yelled at her , grapped him by the arm and told him to get out of my house if he couldnt act any better... five minutes later I was online an he an I were looking at a new cell phone for him . Then my daughter kept entering the wrong password on her facebook , and I jumped off the couch and ran over to the computer room and screamed at her that she was entering the wrong password, and I just started screaming I CANT TAKE THIS TODAY!!
5. I jsut went to the grocery store ( I had to force myself to do this) and almost knocked a woman down bc she just was walking to slow, I kept thinking to myself , WHY do I have to live in a world with stupid people, SLOW people
6. “I got so mad that I had to load the dishwasher that I was just grabbing dishes as fast a ss i could and putting them in and I grabbed all the silverware at once and there as a large knife in tehre almost cut my hand , and I thought well if Im stupid enough to grab the knife then I deserve to get cut.”
7. Its like my body is trying to feel bad but im so hyped up inside that it cant ( if that makes any sense) and it is very agitating!! I ahve felt like screaming all day ... Im so annoyed at everything , and I want to tell someone off... just someone ... anyone... they I immediatley feel terrible about my thoughts. Its not really energy thats overflowing , like it usually is ... Its just plain and simple aggravation.. agitation , and anger, and it is up to my ears .
8. The right light took way to long to change and I felt like getting out of my car and throwing something at it until it broke, so I slammed on the gas when it changed and peeled out on two wheels.
Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 9/2/2010 8:35:01 AM (GMT-6)