I think one of the lonelist aspects of having bipolar is the irratic sleep. I've never been a good sleeper, but since I've been diagnosed sleeping has become somewhat of a luxary/torment.
I'm on 200 mgs of Serequel so medication isn't the problem, some nights it works so nicely, I don't even notice, but other nights, when I have a lot of my mind, it just doesn't work like I'd like it to.
Probably a lot of the problem is the environment I live in. I live with my boyfriend, for the most part, but oftentimes he can be very unreliable and not always home. He's not cheating, he's tending to an unhealthily greiving mother who lost her husband almost 2 1/2 years ago-he is her only child and she depends on him for quite a lot, it's hard to share when we live an hour away and she seems to call every weekend.
If I just had some friends this really wouldn't be a problem, for over a year we lived in a long distance relationship so seeing each other every day is more than a priviledge than an expectation. I had friends close by where I used to live and now that I've moved and have lost my job it's even harder to make friends.
I don't think I'm alone when I say, "I hate living with bipolar disorder. I just hate it." I hate the unpredictability of it, the mental strain it leaves you with, the frustration it causes loved ones, I really hate it. I hate not being able to get out of bed in the morning and I hate being so hypomanic that my brain can't focus on one thing and I feel completely lost, or I just can't sleep.
I take calcium, I try only to drink tea and water at night. I just started exercising regularly again. I am trying so hard. The medicine makes you gain weight which adds to the depression, but if you take too much anti-depressant you get out of sorts.
Oh well, I suppose we're all going through the same things, I just needed to share my feelings, not really looking for any answers, just looking for a little bit of empathy.