I'm sorry the bipolar area on healing well, is not too active yet. And it takes awhile for people to respond. I would like to welcome you to the forum. I usually write on the lupus forum which is really active and try to look here when someone posts.
Don't feel dumb about anything. I think your fears are very normal (but you are studying psychology so why am I telling you this :)
I was in your shoes when I was going through college to be a pharmacist. And I was freaking out. Luckily there were people I could talk to at the college I was attending. They helped me get through it.
I was very afraid of becomming like my mother. She would have very bad episodes of psychosis. Luckily my father decided he was going to read all he can to understand this illness.
I think that you can help yourself. Starting with educating yourself and your husband. Your father may never understand, but it may be that he is just unwilling to accept it.
I don't know if you have read anything about Kay Jamison or other authors with bipolar disorder. She's probably the best. I've posted on here several times about bipolar II and psycheducation.org, for people who have questions on what it is and the difference.
I was diagnosed with bipolar II my 5th year of college, and I know that my brother is. It all presents in different fashions. I think that if you educate your husband now, and he is willing to work at understanding that you will have a lasting relationship.
I'm sorry about the psychiatrists being expensive. I know that can be hard.
I hope I helped a little
~ With Love ~ Dana, Pharm. D.
~ Diagnosed with Lupus in May of 2004 and Bipolar II in April of 2001.
Disclaimer: On any medical information I provide, please bring your concerns to your physician. I have no financial interests in any drug or drug company. I will try be as objective as possible. If I am giving my opinion I will state it first.