my husband left me and I am crushed

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beautifulmess178
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Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/31/2012 11:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello,
I am new here but I don't know where else to go. I believe my husband is BP but not diagnosed that I know of. But several therapists have asked me if he was bi polar and also told him he needs to get help (of course that was the last time we saw those therapists). He loves me, he loves me not is the story of our relationship. Loving then angry the next minute. We got into a fight last week when I came home to find him drunk and he turned mean, so I threw him out ( thinking he would cool off and come back ) but now he says he is not coming back and I am completely lost. This is a pattern for him, he leaves me approximately every six months. But this time it feels different. He has gone and convinced his family that I am nuts. Because I was heartbroken and had a weak moment of texting him too much he has his family thinking I am some sort of stalker or something. He would call ME from his sister's cell phone and when I called him back ten minutes later he started saying things like " why are you calling this phone!!??" "you are not allowed to call this phone??"  "what do you want? I am busy .. leave me alone" "I told you do NOT come by my sister's house!!" ( I never went by there nor said I was going to ) He has been staying with his sister and I am pretty sure drinking the whole time. He calls or texts me every morning. When I ask him if he is filing for divorce he says "No, I will wait on your progress". Last Fri night he was sending me crude sexual text messages but also being mean about it saying things he would like to do but not with me because he doesn't want me. Can anyone tell me WHY, plain and simple the BP person feels the need to hurt people with their words? I understand that it's not the man I love, that it is the illness, But what is it about this illness makes them so mean and hurtful?

It's Genetic
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Date Joined Mar 2010
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   Posted 1/31/2012 11:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to the Bipolar Forum, Beautifulmess178,

I think the reason for the meanness is a last-ditch effort to try to protect a very weak ego (or self-image) and keep it from disintegrating.

There'll be others along later in the morning with additional help, I hope.

You have my deepest sympathies and prayers that he will recognize his problem and seek help. In the meantime, you take care of yourself, first, now, and get help if you need it to weather this storm coming your way.

It's Genetic

Living Well
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Date Joined Feb 2011
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   Posted 2/1/2012 12:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Beautimess,

I'm a really caring person but anyone could be forgiven for not realising. I can be cold, hard, arrogant, demanding, thoughtless. I can be harsh and inflexible. I can be invalidating. I will fight to the death. All of those traits genuinely horrify my true nature. So I manage my illness the best I can. There is no justification for such behaviours. Even though they are symptoms to our illness we are inherently responsible for managing those symptoms with medication, good nutrition, good sleep, no mood altering drugs, good exercise, assertiveness, pleasant events, distraction, etc. Bipolars don't mean to be mean. Nor do only good people get bipolar. Some people would be nasty even if they didn't have bipolar. Some bipolars have learnt not to act out. Your husband is an arse because he is an arse, not because of bipolar. Bipolar doesn't excuse abuse. Abuse is domestic violence in it's own right. My entire family is bipolar. I might overreact to something, I have the propensity to be abusive, but I work hard not to be. I am much more likely, NOT be abusive than to be abusive. Bipolars generally suffer from a lack of confidence. The second part is codependents. Codependents might need to ask themselves why analyse why the freight train is coming? instead of merely getting off the tracks? Why, instead of hoping for someone very harmful to change, do they just not see reality JUST AS IT IS and manage the situation effectively? I can understand you want to understand bipolar but bipolar IS NOT the only thing wrong with your husband. Nor is bipolar the only thing wrong in your otherwise perfect marriage. Polarising the impact of bipolar with mimimisation on one hand and maximisation on the other doesn't help heal the impact. You don't need to know which box to put each painful aspect of your marriage in. You just need to put it all in a box, seal it, and put a big DIVORCE sticker on it and move on. If you can't do that, you might just be as sick as hubby.

Living Well
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Date Joined Feb 2011
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   Posted 2/1/2012 12:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh, another number bipolar spouses do on themselves is "in sickness and in health" forgetting that their spouse has already broken the vows to "love and cherish".
Ending hopeless relationships is a indicator of good mental health no matter what kind of relationship it is.

beautifulmess178
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Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/1/2012 1:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi,
Thank you for your plain and simple response, I guess it doesn't get much simpler than that. I never said my marriage was otherwise perfect though. I do however believe that I am part of the problem which is why I am in therapy myself. I came here looking for support and some answers as I have only just come to the realization that he is probably BP. I don't necessarily want to analyse why the freight train is coming so much but more that I want to understand why. I am much stronger than the average co-dependent, yes I am fully aware of what I am and what my faults are. It takes two and I am not here to place full blame on him. He needs help but are you trying to tell me that it cannot be done? I do appreciate your bluntness but I love my husband and want this to work. Hopeless? that sucks.

amylovescookies
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Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 41
   Posted 2/1/2012 2:58 AM (GMT -6)   
I am not a doctor and so I can't say for certain that your husband's behavior is even bipolar related. My father has borderline personality disorder and that causes him to leave my mom often throughout their 38 year marriage. We can not change him, because he refuses help, thus this cycle of coming and going will always be there as long as my mother lets it go on.

I am not married to the guy, but I know as a child I wanted him to stay gone after the 10th time he walked out. But even to this day he still comes and goes as he sees fit. He used to drink but now he doesn't do that anymore. It's not like my parents are stupid people, actually they are both lawyers. My mother can not live without him.

I hope you find peace within yourself, and the courage to fight for your own wellness. Your husband has his own fight to fight. With much love, support, and hugs, best of luck.
Amy
Staying Positive = Staying Well
Bringing a smile through writing @ www.amyinbc.blogspot.com

Living Well
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Date Joined Feb 2011
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   Posted 2/1/2012 5:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Beautifulmess,
Thanks for understanding my bluntness. I cannot be sure of the facts of your situation. It is also difficult for you to see situations as they are when you are in love. Hopefully, together, we can find that, often more accurate, middle ground. I wanted my bluntness to cut through any false hopes you may have. When we are in love with someone, deeply connected with them and very much reliant on them; the end of a bad relationship can see more terrifying than the bad relationship itself. I still miss my ex. I loved him so much but I had to be realistic about what I was dealing with and how harmful it was and how poor the prognosis was. A year on, he's just the same but I'm not getting twisted up in his issues. I am free. You can probably search the raw heartache of my journey on this site as I let go of the love of my life (who didn't have bipolar but had avoidance and antisocial personality disorders). I don't wish your marriage well - I wish YOU well. You can still have a bright wonderful future without the man you currently have an unhealthy relationship with. If the "best for you" turns out to include your marriage I will be very happy for you. I think the most likely way to get your marriage back on track and keeping it in on track is to focus mostly on yourself and getting your life together. Good luck and take care.
Jade x

tortoise11
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Date Joined Jan 2010
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   Posted 2/1/2012 8:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Beautiful! 
 
All you've talked about are abusive behaviors and leaving.  These don't make a person bipolar.  Sometimes a person with bipolar disorder might do these things.  Alcohol misuse can minic bipolar disorder.
 
Without a diagnosis, I would consider him an alcoholic who is emotionally abusive.  I hope that he can get and stay sober so that it's possible to see if he does have underlying mental health problems.  See this is so complicated, there's no way someone can diagnose or suggest diagnosis online.  Bipolar disorder is no excuse for abusive behavior.
 
You need to protect yourself, financially, emotionally, safety.  Then you may want to start charting his MOOD, using a mood tracker like the one found on medhelp.com.  You'll need to include on there a note for days he drinks.  This information would be VERY helpful once you can get him to a psychiatrist to find out what is wrong.
 
Bipolar Disorder Forum Moderator

Bipolar 1, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic Disorder, PCOS (hormone disorder).

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It's Genetic
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Date Joined Mar 2010
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   Posted 2/1/2012 9:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, again, Beautifulmess,

I knew others would be along soon to help. When I posted, I recognized that your husband had drinking problems, but I didn't mention it because I thought you needed first to recognize that he was reflecting himself more than he was anything about you.

Alcoholics often drink to medicate an underlying depression. The doctor who asked you if he was bipolar was right on "target" with a first attempt to look at his problem. Until your husband recognizes that he has a serious problem and an underlying cause, he is not likely to give up the drinking. But that's something he must do if he wants to have a life that is full and able to be constructive and beneficial.

When he comes back, if he does, you might wish to provide him with literature on the subject of alcoholism, more specifically, the Hazeldon Foundation's work called "Alcoholics Anonymous". It's the best explanation for your husband's behavior that I can think of at the moment. It's also very enlightening for your benefit in understanding what lies beneath the alcoholic's motivation for behavior that is abusive.

Please continue with your therapy and don't be so hard on yourself.
You are not really responsible for his conduct, but you may be more satisfied within your inner self if you continue therapy until you feel strong enough to stand alone until he is able to stand tall with you in an appropriate relationship.

Take care.

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 2/1/2012 8:06:47 AM (GMT-7)


Living Well
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Date Joined Feb 2011
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   Posted 2/1/2012 5:20 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree. Whatever your husband's problem, you need to unhook yourself, close off to his issues (set boundaries), start healing from what has happened and focus on making your life what you need it to be. His healing is 100% his responsibility and the more you pine for it, the less likely he will do it. It's the natural push/pull of relationships.
If you do all the above and he's not desperate to do what he has to do to make things right for your marriage to work on a consistent basis, he's just not interested, and you marriage has no chance. As painful as it is to accept that, it is so much less painful in the long term than flogging a dead horse. Once you set the boundaries regardless of all the fluctuating emotions you will have, you have the really strong basis to heal and then heal well.

forever7
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Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 2/1/2012 6:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry you are going through pain right now. Everyone acts out in different ways. So it is hard to know where your husband is and what his motivations are.

I was the one that left my husband. It started with hypomania and grew into full blown mania. I came up with this idea that my whole life was a mistake. I had to become a new person, do new things, meet LOTS of new people. Part of that was leaving my husband who I've been with since I was 16

I said lots of mean things to him while I was in this state. I didn't recognize that I was being mean. I would get frustrated when he expressed his hurt because I thought he just wasn't listening to me. At the time all I could think of was that I had found the magical solution to all my problems and unhappiness.

Addicts (you mention his misuse of alcohol) and people with Bipolar disorder can be incredibly self involved at times. Anyone challenging me was seen as the enemy. How dare they stand in the way of my amazing grand plan?!

I only recognized how dreadful I was behaving when the mania passed.

My husband and I got back together, but it has been very challenging.

I'm so grateful that he stuck around and didn't give up on me, even though I'm not entirely sure why he does stick around.

I left him in 2008 for about a year and then we got back together. But he still gets depressed and uncertain about my feelings for him sometimes because of the things I did and said.

I wish he had taken the time back then (and now) to go into therapy or seek out more support outside of our relationship. I've had lots of therapy and treatment. He's had none.

So my advice for you is to focus on yourself. Seek help if you need it, whether it is therapy, talking to friends, or going to self-help groups like Al-Anon (http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org/).

Your husband might come back to you when his mind is clearer. But the only person you can control in your life is you. So look after yourself first.

xo
B
Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life.

PTSD
Borderline personality disorder
Bipolar (not sure if I or II yet)
Panic Disorder

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1mg lorazepam as needed

beautifulmess178
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/1/2012 6:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Everyone,

Thank you all for your help. The biggest reason I believe he may be bi-polar is because the brief time he was put on abilify was the best time we ever spent together. Unfortunately, it did not last long because he didn't like the way it made him feel. Today was not a good day. He called me this morning from school.. he is in college. During our conversation he all of a sudden said hold on let me call you from "my office".. so he hangs up and calls me from a school phone. I asked him what office? He says "Oh I have my own office here at the school I am working here" I know he is lying about this because he is currently trying to get benefits for being unemployable through the VA. So I just let it go and we had a really nice conversation about what went wrong in our marriage. Fast forward.. he came over this morning to pick up his disability checks from VA... His MOTHER brought him.. I was shocked because she was in Florida for three months and she flew up here !! I handed them to him, we spoke briefly, he would not look at me claiming it was too painful to look at me. He hugged me told me he loved me and would call me later and even said that we could get together soon to talk. I had at an earlier time offered to let him have our apartment and this afternoon he took it upon himself to go to my mother's house.. told her he would always be there for her if she ever needed anything and then proceeded to tell her he would not be taking the apartment because I couldn't be trusted and I was only offering it so I could stay in contact with him! He also told my mother that he has been staying at a VA shelter which is complete lie he is staying at his sister's and even told me that he and his sister share a bottle of wine each night. He spoke with my daughter whom he was a father to for five years and tells her he will always be part of her life and wants her to come stay with him this weekend. Then he calls me.. informs me coldy he will not take the apartment so I say OK and then he proceeds to tell me how I need to go and get welfare... now I know this is his mother speaking.. I make too much money to get welfare. Regardless I told him to please stop and that I can take care of myself. He was extremely rude in his manner. I tried calling him back on his mom's phone ( his cell isn't working ) because I wanted to know about his conversation with my daughter and how it went and he starts yelling at me "I TOLD YOU I'D CALL YOU LATER" I told him you need to stop talking to me like that and he continues to yell at me saying " LEAVE MY FAMILY OUT OF THIS!!". I am dumbfounded.. he is the one that has been calling and texting me and shows up at MY mom's uninvited telling her I can't be trusted and I am to leave his family out of it?? He is worried I will want to stay in contact but he invites my daughter over this weekend? I am finding his behavior odd and the lies creepy. I should also mention that there was a time when he would go around telling people that he was a professor.. even though he is a disabled veteran. Now that his mom has finally stepped up it seems as though I have lost the job of being his caretaker and I couldn't be more relieved.

Living Well
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Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 1274
   Posted 2/1/2012 7:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Beautiful,

It sounds like you are still in bargaining mode, hoping for something to change and also needing to talk about all the crazy things he is doing at the same. That is fair enough. It is a crazy, mind bending, heart breaking experience. Your significant other has gone AWOL and and it is a perfectly reasonable to be in a great amount of pain and distress. There are even hints that make you fear you living situation might risk being ripped out from underneath you. Having threats of these major life upheavals are very disconcerting to say the least.

Try to be careful about jumping to conclusions based on drug prescriptions. Abilify is approved for depression, bipolar and schizophrenia. That doesn't mean individuals with a whole range of other mental illness don't find great benefit with Abilify. He may very well be bipolar - just saying symptoms define illness, not beneficial drug responses.

He may just be a pathological liar with depression and I assume didn't continue up with a drug even though it gave him great benefit?

It's a shame his mother couldn't be more supportive when you were together... is it like he's being a little infantile and waving between mummy and wife? not being able to incorporate both significant relationships into his life?

This will be a rollercoaster of hope and despair, like every grief and loss process is.

I might have misunderstood you but from what it seems, he has a lot of support from his family to leave you and he's already seemed to successfully draw battlelines between you and his family. They may be enabling his mental illness? Most mentally ill people would rather stay where their delusions are being supported than challenged.

If he's a vet and seen active service; you would also have much knowledge about how untreated PTSD destroys the lives of return servicepeople and their families.

Keep talking, it's a tough time.

Hugs

beautifulmess178
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Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/1/2012 10:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi,

I don't really believe I am even close to any bargaining mode as of yet. As long as his mother continues to support him and pay his way financially and deny there is a problem, I am going to consider it hopeless. She told me recently that before I came along she worried everyday that she would get the phone call every mother dreads. His mother is definitely supporting the illness. She is in complete denial and will just have to see for herself now that I am not taking care of him. She has seen him in a rage towards me and has done nothing even though I have repeatedly told her he needs help. I spoke with her today briefly and we were very nice to each other, but he was absolutely furious that we spoke and yelled at me for it. I am sure he doesn't want his mother to see that he is lying about me. So after all that happened today he called me tonight and once again he was nice and sweet. I kept things very short only spoke about my daughter and I ended the conversation quickly. I think for the next few days I am going to keep my distance ignore him if he calls and take care of me .. something I haven't done for a long time.

HUGS

Living Well
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Date Joined Feb 2011
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   Posted 2/2/2012 2:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Wow, there is so much strength and resilience in your post. You have good reason to be very proud of you. If it feels right, you might like to plan a bit for grief because it does come. (Okay, I tell a lie; I felt only relief at the end of my marriage but only because I had grieved for 10 years in it). Part of you does love your husband and doesn't want the marriage to end. Just be prepared for and accept vacilating feelings. It is really normal. What you is going through is huge. I don't know how old your daughter is but both of you could probably do with making the effort to do some girly stuff together? Planning and experiencing pleasant events is a vital and very positive way of getting through this kind of upheaval. Try to turn your mind to enjoying the gorgeous little human you brought into the world :) Enjoy the peace you are carving out for yourselves xxx

beautifulmess178
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Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/2/2012 12:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi,
Thank you for the support. I wish I could change the title of this thread to "My husband left me and I am not so crushed anymore"! I am very frustrated today because when he left and all of last week he promised that he would help me with rent this month.. he receives benefits from the VA to help support my daughter and I. Yesterday he came and picked up his checks ..I gave them to him with no problem. He said he was going to pay the rent. This morning at 7am he texted me to say he had to "work" today. I called the landlord to see if the rent was paid and not only was it not paid but he didn't pay all of it last month...I texted him back and asked about paying the rent and he said he could only give me 200.00, I figured well that's more than I expected so I asked him when and he replied "sorry, I don't know". I said well thanks for not helping like you said you would and he replied "whatever.. keep it up". I am not playing this game so I have to borrow money from my family to help me this month. We receive rental assistance so I called housing authority to tell them he moved so I can get my rent reduced for next month and they need his address for proof he moved or a notorized letter from his mother. I texted him and asked him for either address or notorized letter and he ignored me. I called his mom and she didn't answer so I left a message explaining what I needed and she also ignores me. I don't even know what to do..but I do know I will not fall into letting him control my life anymore.

It's Genetic
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Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/2/2012 2:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Beautifulmess,

The withholding of money is another attempt to control. I'd see  an attorney --and soon-- so that he can get things in order for your rent payments. These matters are vital for your security, and he shouldn't be permitted to get away with it. When it comes to the legal responsibility, he can be held accountable unless he's declared incompetent by a court.

I'm a strong believer in not permitting the abuse to escalate.
I would stop contact with him now and let him try to manipulate  an attorney's directives.  Keep a close relationship with your daughter and keep her away from him, please. Let her know, if necessary, that the step-father is not well and it isn't in her best interests to be near him until he gets help.

You are becoming stronger each day now. Great!

Take care.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 2/2/2012 12:30:30 PM (GMT-7)


beautifulmess178
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/2/2012 3:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello,
Yeah I am pretty familiar with the money control. I was fully prepared for this by asking for help from my family in advance. But the complete ignoring of my attempts to get an address or notorized letter so I can keep my home is another thing, I have until the end of Feb to get the info. I don't know why but I am a little surprised that his mom won't help me get a letter. His mother keeps a private bank account that his father knows nothing of.. just to help my husband when he needs it. Part of me wants to blow the whole thing into the open.. and tell his father what exactly is going on. I just keep telling myself I deserve better and that when all is said and done.. I will be the one to come out of this whole.

Living Well
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Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 1274
   Posted 2/2/2012 4:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Beautiful,
I totally agree with IG. It is time to get the lawyers in. It will cost more to get stuff done but what is the price of freedom? I'd be using any of your families financial help to fix the problem upstream first if you can (ie. changing things over, divorce etc). Try to put your creditors on hold for that rocky duration. Talk to anyone you own money to and explain to them that the next 6 months might be rocky but you will be doing you utmost to juggle it all. Reassure them, your debt to them is very much on your radar, it is just a matter of means in the next little while. (I went through 8 years of it - it can be done!)
Someone may be able to sign a stat dec to say your husband has left, rather than be looking for something from people who are abusive to you? The other party must often refuse to confirm that information, through spite, so there would be other processes in place for that eventuation. Keep your mind open and creative in problem solving mode. Constantly look for how to get around the obstacles he will place in front of you. Try not to get sucked into the game. You will need all the energy you can to build a new, healthy life. In terms of blowing the whole thing open, that is a perfectly reasonable urge to have - all the secrets and games in that family must be frustrating BUT it would not be an effective strategy to have. It would create more chaos in a situation where less chaos is required. Also I promised myself I would never let my values slip no matter what the other party did. I retained my integrity and my dignity and that self belief and self regard keep me strong throughout my ordeal. It took 15 years but my in laws eventually hugged and told me they were sorry for what they had done. Don't underestimate the power of Ghandi. But if you or your child is in danger - fight like a tiger!!! It's really important to correctly assess what is going to be most effective. Most of all, scream, yell, pound your pillow about the unfairness of it all - because it is unfair. Get that anger out. Cry and grieve the person you loved. You don't want these emotions stuck in your body in 10 years time. Exercise, eat well, sleep well, enjoy your social life outside of getting support for your situation. We are two very different people on opposite sides of the globe but if there is anything I do via the forum, I am happy to help. (As you might guess I'm a better cheerleader and not a very good listener or validator but there are heaps of people here who are :) ) Make today the best you can Beautiful, for you and your daughter, you are going very well xx

beautifulmess178
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/3/2012 10:58 PM (GMT -6)   
My Husband Left me and I Feel Better Each Day..

Hello,
He was texting and I was ignoring until he asked for the acct info for the electric bill his mommy is paying for me. Had no choice on that one. He actually told me today that he never knows what person he is going to get when he calls me. I have been pretty steady in my conversations with him.. no anger, frustration, tears so I haven't a clue where he gets this from. Is it an attempt at crazy-making? He is nice and sweet at times and then at others rude and mean. The rude and mean are when he is with his family and I can't believe they don't see that there is something wrong with the way he speaks to me. It's very strange .. it's like the way he always treated me privately but now it's out in the open... like he now can just treat me that way in front of his whole family and they don't even question it. I am finding it increasingly tedious, childish, and just plain sick. I am thinking maybe I should have recorded our conversations for divorce court. Oh well, too late for that now.

Living Well
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Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 1274
   Posted 2/4/2012 1:18 AM (GMT -6)   
You will have many more conversations capable of being recorded but not much weight is put on them because the person doing the recording is always on their best behaviour when the little red light is on.

What are you hobbies beautiful? What can you put in place for you and your daughter to enjoy this week? It doesn't have to cost much.

Keep a balance between working on the divorce and working on the rest of your life.

Hugs.

It's Genetic
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Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/4/2012 10:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Never judge yourself based on somebody else's opinion of who you are, Beautifulmess. People do not reveal the real truth of any situation when they say things. They really reveal what's inside themselves and what they know about themselves.

Don't even attempt to judge yourself. Just evaluate who you are based on your deepest principles and live by those. You will be fine if you do that. Let his view wash over you, as I said earlier, like water off a duck's back.

Take care.

It's Genetic

kim42
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/12/2012 6:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi   I lived with bipolar parents  and sister and brother.  My 2 husbands  both bipolar  and this is what they do.
My  husband  texts me  only when he is angry  and saying dirty, sexual  and degrading  messages   10-20 texts  at a time  then  when I call  he doesnt answer. hen we used to live together  he sends texts  locking himself up in the shed.
he doesnt talk to me  and  sleeps in separate room for  whoe 12 months marriage.  but when he needs woman  he is nice and promised every romantice and future  so I got sucked in and sleep with him then the next day  getting same texts  again.  for the whole 4 years relationsip  I had romance  total  of 3 months   then the rest is rollercoster, unpredictable  , all my faults'  manipulation and control.  He aits  till I give in and apologise  and I am normal  so it really traumatised me.  when things go wrong like unemployment  he talks about his ex employer all day  and he is not interested in getting new job or paying bills,  He made me pay his personal debt abot $25000  then he promised to pay back  but he texted me saying  he is not going to pay back and he will sleep with another woman just to piss me off.  he called me ****. *****, carzy *****. bipolar *****  and called my kids  all sorts of names,  He was unempolyed for last 3 years  and this triggered most episodes and I totally lost myself. I studied about bipolar  and realised  how to get out of this trauma  for my kids'sake.  He left me again  which he usually do every month  but i always came back  helping him  cos i really love him. But  i took my ring off and  put all presents he gave me when he was high mood  and decided to wait till he totally hit rockbottom. If I give him money to pay his bills and bring food  like I did for last 3 years  he will never change  and  also  He will never pay me back  and at the end  he will leave me.  So I will give him  last chance to realise  his bipolar  and get help. I sent him email about his bipolar  and told him I m done here abut I love him.  you have your life God gave you too.  You will develop major  mental and health issue  if you let him walk over you and treat you crap . I was blinded by my love and  also cos I m 42 I thought I will never meet a man again. But I rather live single and healthy and happy  missing him  than beoing called *****  all the time by man I love.

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 4/12/2012 8:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kim,

I just wanted to let you know that attacks on people with bipolar disorder are taken personally around here and make some members uncomfortable posting when they need support for the same problems you complain about. I will consider this post to be an introduction and leave it unedited.

If you are looking for a resource specifically for the friends/family of people with bipolar disorder, you can find it over at pendulum.org. They have a forum for friends and family.

You are welcome to stay around here. We do have a lot of family/friends-of that pop in time to time. Please be considerate of the people who are hurting right now.
Bipolar Disorder Forum Moderator

Bipolar 1, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic Disorder, PCOS (hormone disorder).

Lamictal 200 mg, Seroquel XR 550 mg, Lithium 1,200 mg, Klonopin 1.5 mg as needed.

Insurance lapsed: temporarily on Seroquel XR 500 mg, Lithium 600 mg.

kim42
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/13/2012 5:09 AM (GMT -6)   
today I made up my mind.  my husband  loved me when he first met me  but after he lost a job things have changed.  no medication  and denial   and  rapid cycling bipolar  and  drug abuse and things get worse  he strangled me 4 times  but no apology.  I thought i was dying in his madness and all i could think of was my kids  who will find their mum killed by stepdad.  I will never go back to risk my life.  I m still getting over all flashbacks  and  putting myself together.  I lost my 4 years of life  but  my husband blames me for all misfortune he had.  He had fight with his bosses  and got fired 3 times in 2 years  and no one wants to hire him  cos he talks very negative and very fast ,   he is totally broke  and still demands me money over text and email  saying that he wont pay back later to get rid of me.  anyone who went through this abuse will understand  but to others  its just another wives' tale.
I love him  so much  so it will takes years to recover. I will still sleep crying when i m 70  and will never even try to date male ever again in my life.  I  would rather have no husband and wrong husband.  I need to survive to keep my kids.
I pray to keep my sanity and hope  he can be healed someday. He will move on quick ith new girl friend  like he always has,   he wont even remember me  or our love he promised .  I will remember him  cos i do love him  and I want to keep this love and accept the fact that he finally left me for good after years of threat of break up
 
 
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