Did I make the right decision?????

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New Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/14/2005 10:44 AM (GMT -6)   
:-)  Recently a long-time friend of mine just got over a manic episode.  He is currently at Mental Health being medicated and seemed much better when I saw him yesterday.  To make a long story short, he broke down crying and asked me to please be with him, stay by his side, and that he wants to marry me someday.  I said yes, but after leaving wondered if he only said some of those things b/c he was recently manic.  I even brought this to his attention and he swore up and down that he has loved me for quite some time and wants to be with me  (we have dated in the past).  I am new to this whole bipolar thing, although I work in Mental Health with children, many of who are R/O bipolar....so I feel that if he is going to be with anybody perhaps it should be me, who has known him for years and knows more about the illness than many other people would.  I care about him so much but just want to be sure I am not getting myself into a very scary situation!  I told him that the only way it would work is if he would be consistent about taking his meds, b/c when he doesn't he easily becomes manic.  Any input????  I would appreciate it...thanks!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 5/15/2005 9:24 PM (GMT -6)   

I think no, you have not made an intelligent, informed decision.  Not once did you say you were in love with him.  He proposes to you from a mental health bed and you say yes, not even being in a serious realtionship with him?  You said you dated in the past, I guess things weren't exactly marriage material?

He is sick, hon.  He doesn't even know what he is saying; he isn't in his right mind.   Just because he is down from his mania, he is still very confused.  You really need to read up on REAL bipolar, you have no idea what you are in for.

I understand as a caregiver, you have the need to help people you care about.  But giving your life to someone with the main focus being on helping them is NOT a good reason to get married!
If you are really serious about a future together, maybe date each other while he stabilizes, date for at least a year or two while he's stable and see how you feel then, don't make rash decisions now!

Jo A223
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 5/16/2005 7:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Trevsgirl,I agree 100% with psychnurse!I have a 25 year old son with bipolar, and I suspect my ex husband suffers from it too, as does other members of his family(the only one diagnosed with it is my son, but I only suspect the others)This is not a condition to be taken lightly!My son can be a master manipulator, when he is on either end of the mood spectrum, and neediness can be EXTREME!Think it through, and as psychnurse said, date for an extended period of time so you can witness ALL the things that you will see. And he also can see how you can handle daily stresses.I mean , there are all kinds of stresses, not just HIS issues!Take care...the people here are very knowledgable and a great support!

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 5/16/2005 5:25 PM (GMT -6)   
 Sorry, I am going to have to say that you jumped on that question. I am 27 yrs. old and am bp. You said " he seemed much better", yeah maybe for the moment. It really depends on what type of bp he has but for the most part it can't be that good because of where he is. I hope he does get better, but you really should take time to see every side of what bp has to offer. I wouldn't marry myself sometimes. Did I mention I am single? Good Luck. Remember this is your whole future and bp is an illness. :-) sad

New Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/18/2005 1:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey, thanks to everyone for the replies...I guess I kind of made my post a little confusing...he didn't actually propose! WE ARE NOT ENGAGED. For the moment, we are dating and I don't have a plan to get married anytime soon, I will definitley date him for a WHILE. He has even said this...that I will get to see so many different things about him and really decide whether or not we should be together. So no rash decisions, I have been studying up on bipolar disorder for the past couple weeks trying to learn all I can! Your thoughts are much appreciated...:) thanks again!

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 6/9/2005 8:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Good luck with it all Trevsgirl..

Just because he's ill doesn't mean that you can't be loyal and faithful to him and be a good and loving friend.. (just so long as you take care of yourself too). Everyone needs reliable, kind friends, especially when we're sick.

I hope it turns out wonderfully for you both and you end up married one day with a bunch of healthy happy children..and prove to everyone that you did the right thing.. nothing that says that CANT happen... one day.

There is some hard work to be done before that tho, so i hope you take care.

Just Keep Swimming
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