I am so sorry you're feeling crappy today. I still have those days - don't get me wrong I don't live in fantasyland at all!!! Even stabilized there are mood swings, just not dangerous or unbearable. Smaller ones, annoying ones. But there are far more good days than bad.
I wonder why you say you're selfish for wanting to be better NOW. What is selfish about that????
You are far from selfish - staying up all night and physically walking for charity? I wouldn't even do that for money, now who's selfish LOL!
The concern I have is that it will depress you to get off sleep schedule. Staying up all night???>??? NO! Unless you usually work nights and sleep during the day, of course. It is crucial you get on a strict sleep schedule, do whatever it takes to sleep. If your meds don't do the job, talk to the pdoc about increasing doses (antipsychotics almost always work if the right dose!)
If I get off schedule just one day, go to bed just 1 hour late, I pay the next day big time in mood and am very fatigued. I am a work out finatic, so it isn't that I'm weak and out of shape!!!!
You will have less severe swings with decent sleep, I promise. Of course, avoid caffeine and alcohol especially the several hours before bedtime. Alcohol may make you drowsy, but causes you to awaken in the night and not go back to sleep.
You will have to learn that staying well isn't all up to the medicine. If you don't "baby" yourself with strict routines, healthy food, excercise and lower stress, you will find it harder. It's an everyday effort, I want you to know, but is so worth it.
I am so glad you were encouraged, please don't forget what I said, even when you're down and more likely to be apathetic and pessimistic. I know every single thing you think and feel. Feel free to talk to me anytime, OK hon?