This might end up being a little ramble-y....

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/6/2005 9:16 PM (GMT -6)   

First of all, I have not taken the time to go and read all of the archived posts to see if any of my questions have been answered already, so if this ends up being one of those posts that you all see ALL the time, go ahead and ignore me, I won't be offended. I'd rather be ignored than be told to read the archives. (I know how to read the archives, and I know I should, I jsut don't have the time or patience.)

Here are my questions:
1) If I think I may be bipolar, what should I do?
2) If I'm diagnosed as being bipolar, what happens next?
3) If I'm bipolar, will my life ever be normal? AM I better off to just live in ignorance of it, rather than going through the diagnosis and then dwelling onit?

ANyways, bipolar disorder runs in my family. I am a junior in college, a psychology major, and I know a lot about bipolar just from the classes I've taken. Since I've learned more about it, I've realized that the people in my family (my grandmother, aunt, and possibly mother) have probably the most severe cases of bipolar disorder I've ever heard of. I know that bipolar disorder is very frequently over-diagnosed, but my family members who have been dianosed have every single symptom, characteristic, etc.

I know the disorder is genetic, and since I was 13 and hit puberty and experienced the hormanal-emotional-turmoil, I've been terrified that I will be bipolar.

I'm not sure why I'm posting... I know that if nobody can tell me anything except a psychiatrist, but I just am so scared to go.

I'm a very high-energy person, but sometimes I have so much energy that I find myself not being able to hold onto a thought. It's almost like I have no short term memory. I'll be in the middle of a thought, get distracted by something tiny (like letting the dog out) and I won't be able to find that original train of thought.

My favorite quote is "sleep is overrated." I'm a morning person, I love being awake before the rest of the world, and experiencing that peaceful time. I also can't stand going to bed early because I feel like when I sleep I am wasting time, so I find myself going for weeks at a time only sleeping 2-5 hours a night (if that!) before I finally just crash for 3, 4, 5 days.

If I'm bipolar, I am lucky enough to not experience intensely dangerous depression. I'll crash from my energetic frenzies, and I'll get intensely depressed during those few days, but then either I will go back into crazy-motivateded-can-do-anything-i-want-to mode, or I will just be normal for awhile, and be a little depressed. I will cry at night, and sometimes get suicidal, but I've never been so suicidal that I've planned HOW to commit suicide.

...(i attempted suicide at age 15, and was hospitalized for 2 weeks, but I don't think that experience is related, but I thought I shoudl through that in there....)

The things that scare me the most are my inability to have gratifying, long lasting relationships withy people. i haven't had a boyfriend in a veyr long time, and I have very few close close friends. I am also scared of how much money I spend when I am in my little "on top of the world, wanna experience EVERYTYHING" phases. I am a poor college kid, but it doesn't stop me from overdrafting my checking account even when I know I can't afford the sudden jewelry-making-hobby I've decided to take up.

There are other things that scare me about myself, but it doesn't matter. My point is, what do I do?

If I decide to go see somebody about my concerns, and they tell me taht I AM bipolar, what will happen to me? I know I'll get medication, therapy and what not, but will my life ever be normal?

I almost think that if I am, in fact, bipolar; it might be better for me to not actually be diagnosed. I'm the type of person who would dwell on it if I knew about it. I would let it hold me back, I may not be able to deal with the diagnosis.

SOmeone, please tell me that they can relate, that they knew what I'm thinking/feeling, please give me some type of advice.

Thank you.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 6/7/2005 10:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Please note I am no expert , you must see a Dr. to get any Diagnosis. I am BP type I. WHere do I start, first let's answer your questions, if you think your BP , see a pdoc or GP, or a DR period. To get a diagnosis. That would be your first step.Second, If you are BP, you get treatment. Sometimes that takes awhile finding the best meds for you. What works best for you and if you have any pre-existing conditions. Trial and Error!!
You probably will need some lab work done. If your BP, will your life ever be normal, What is that? I can't remember ever being "normal" to begin with. Now I am me , just DIAGNOSED with BP. I always knew something wasn't right. It's a label, but a good one , so you can treat it and become stable. That can be a long road though!!!about dwelling on it , sure my brain never stops. So yeah sometimes I have a little self-pity party in my head , for about a minute until something else distracts me. Make sense.To me you seem like you have experienced at least one case of mania. Not relying on much sleep, shopping excessively,and the other thing i you have a past history of BP . I can understand you being afraid to go, but i think you already know the answer. You have to deal with your problems , not dwell on them. I too am a college student , I would never let BP get in the way of my dreams or goals. It's not an excuse, it's a disorder that is treatable. Sure it's hard, and may take me longer than my other peers, but that makes me try even harder. Hey pyschnurse, does she show signs of BP to you? You are pretty good at that. I am not. Oh, I forgot to ask , how are your moods CuriousBliss?

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 6/7/2005 10:27 AM (GMT -6)   
I meant to say a family history not past history. Just wanted to correct the error.Thanks

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 6/8/2005 4:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I would be shocked and amazed if you aren't diagnosed on the spot!
Like Kittycat said, you already know the answer.
Get the courage to face it, or it will eventually destroy your life, health, career and finances, not to mention your relationships, which you have already found.
You probably know by now that BP doesn't go away.  It does, however, get much worse with life stresses and time.
Kittycat is right about getting better - it takes a while and lots of times several medications and combinations to find what works.  Your books probably just say lithium will make you better; not necessarily.  It's so complex, and every person is different, almost like fingerprints.
Don't wait to get treatment, ignoring it will not make it go away, and the longer you wait, the more damage it does to your life. 
As far as being normal, who's life is?  I wouldn't know, I'm BP too!  The only thing that will change in your life is that you feel better and are able to think clearly and rationally.
You have found the best BP forum on the net, IMO, so ask anything! :-)
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