feeling crappy

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/13/2005 11:19 PM (GMT -6)   
i'm 22 years old, but i am feeling about 14.  i was hospitalized twice in the last year, but i am not getting much better.  they put me on new medication 7 days ago because my doctor thinks he misdiagnosed me with major depression and now he has me on mood stablizers, thinking i am bi-polar.  i am also a cutter, which is the scariest thing about all of this.  i can't seem to stop.  i want to stop.  it is so hard living my life this way, everytime something really bad happens i go into my "cutting trance" as i call it. i fell into a deep low and didn't show up for work three days ago.  i had to move in with my mom because she was worried about me.  but today she said that i need to exercise or something so i can become better, because iam no good to anyone sleeping and crying all day.  well no crap!  i have always thought that i was a burden to everyone, and now my mom confirmed that for me.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 6/15/2005 2:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Please realize that you are not a burden and your mother is trying to help even though its hard to take at the time. Know that you are among people who understand how you feel and know what it is to want to stay in bed all day hoping the world might just forget you. As annoying as it is to hear, exercise will help you feel better, but I know how impossible and painful it feels to even think about moving a muscle let alone getting yourself together enough to get out of the house. Simply getting vertical seems like a monumental task let alone tying your shoes or combing your hair. Hearing the words "why don't you go for a walk" are so painful and hurtful even though they are said out of genuine love and concern.
Although I am not a "cutter" I have an understanding of what it is that compells you to feel that way. Sometimes there is so much pain inside that it seems the only way to let it out is to draw blood.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is to get help. Stick with the dr's instructions and have some patience with the medication since it takes time to kick in. If you don't feel well - go back and have a check-in - maybe there's something else the dr. should know (like the cutting) that could help to find a better medication or treatment option.
See about talking with a therapist about all the things that are going on in your life. I see a psycologist every two weeks, regardless of how I'm feeling, and it helps a great deal since it is a good place to unload. Professionals are there to lend support and are a safe place to unload all the frightening things that run through our heads. They do not pass judgement, but can offer ways that might help to ease the pain.
Have patience with yourself and realize how much the people around you care. Its all about baby steps. Maybe exercising seems impossible, but realize that getting out of bed and showering is truly an accomplishment when you feel crappy. Celebrate the small victories. Its the first step that is always the hardest so focus on that rather than the whole task and it will be easier to get into the mode where you're ready to think about tackling exercise or whatever.
My thoughts are with you,

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 6/16/2005 8:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi pearlkg,
Welcome to Healingwell. What meds did the doc put you on? It will take a while to find the right med combo that works for you and that in it's self can be frustrating but once you get the right meds you feel a lot better.
I do a bipolar chat on Saturday nights at 9:00 pm eastern. You can usually find some pretty good information chatting with other that are going through similar situations. Hopefully you can make it to chat night.
Take care,
"It is not easy to live life sometimes and face the world with a smile when you're crying inside. It takes a lot of courage to reach down inside yourself, hold on to that strength that's still there, and know that tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities. But if you can hold on long enough to see this through, you'll come out a new person - stonger, with more understanding and with new pride in yourself from knowing you made it"       Kathy Obara
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