Oh, I forgot the ol' "go ahead and leave" routine. Mostly men do this, their pride totally gets in the way, and like I said they are in denial.
The fact is, if you don't back up your threat to leave, he will never believe you again, he will know you're bluffing. He has not one, but two very serious problems that he needs help with, the drinking, too. It's also common for BPs to abuse drugs and alcohol. I'm no exeption, I was a massive partier (illicit drugs) in my teens and twenties, then a prescription junkie from then on, then I added alcoholism later with it. THAT'S when my hubby gave me the ultimatum. I knew I was miserable, so I went to the hospital (again) to dry out and get stabilized. That was a year and 3 months ago. I am 40! Have lived with mostly mania, which can be even more dangerous than the depression my entire life. I had sex with so many people before I got married I lost count, and no, not safe sex. Then I ran off with some total loser 6 years into my marriage, which lasted about 12 days, he was basically holding me hostage (too long to go into), and my precious husband took me back. That was 5 years ago and I still didn't get stable until last year. I also totally bankrupted us in the meantime, we had absolutely perfect credit.
Oh, I almost forgot, I also met some guy from California when I was 20. I had just moved here and I met him at a club. We liked each other, had chemistry, but he had to go back home. So we talked a lot on the phone, and he sent me a plane ticket to visit. I went, I didn't even really know the guy. The minute we got to his house, he practically raped me. He wouldn't take no for an answer, and he was being really scary, so I finally gave in, it was horrible. Oh, did I mention I had just found out I was pregnant? We were already fighting, and he held all the cards. I had no transportation. I had brought with me my rent money in cash in case of an emergency. When I was showering, he apparently looked through my purse and found the money and told me since I had money, he wasn't going to buy a plane ticket back. He did drive me to the airport, tho.
This is also the kind of risk taking behaviour common with mania.
Since you already threatened to leave, you need to get your kids and go (anywhere), I can almost guarantee he will beg you to come back. Don't worry, it will most likely be temporary. That's when you tell him the rules, and have him sign a contract. BPs are masters at manipulation. We almost always get our way, one way or another.
You have a very important and difficult decision to make. It will get worse if untreated, and there is nothing you can do, like I said before to force him. He will have to decide to do it on his own. You can legally commit him, but that's no guarantee.
If you have any other questons, please ask.
Thank you for being so honest and sharing those intimate details...it makes me feel a bit less "awful" about the things I have done in the past-I guess when we open up, we can ultimately help eachother by reminding ourselves we are not alone!
That is very unfortunate, I'm sorry. The alcohol will assure him of staying depressed. As long as he drinks anything he will stay depressed. The paxil won't help him if he's drinking. And he shouldn't be on that without a mood stabilizer because antidepressants of the SSRI class will cause mania. The Seroquel is a good medication for sleep and psychosis, but isn't a stabilizer (which stops mania).
I'm curious, first you say the family thinks he's crazy, and then you just said they think he's fine? I'm confused. Anyway, it doesn't sound like they are much help at all.
I do agree with you, sweetie, he's a dreadful influence on you and your children's psychological state, and if it continues, they could become very damaged. I think you all will need some counseling to learn to cope. Maybe if you leave, he will wake up and realize what he's losing because of his stubborness. If he does promise to get it together, make sure he does and stays that way for a while before you go back to him.
I know it will be one of the hardest things you ever do, it's so darn frustrating, but don't lose all hope, it will more than likely be a temporary thing. Just make sure your requirements are CRYSTAL CLEAR if he decides to get help; it's NOT just to get you back. It has to be because he is tired of feeling that way and desperately wants help, too. You will ALL need counseling, him most of all.
If you need anything else, just ask, write, if you just need support or to talk, please take advantage of this forum, that's what we are here for.