new member trying to figure stuff out

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steve800
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/11/2005 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Here is my experience, my mom has had bipolar disorder for a long time, though I don't talk about it with her.  I lived the first 19 and a half years of my life completely fine, never had any paranoia, anxiety, or severe depression.  I took a hit of really strong weed on no sleep and no food and basically went completely insane.  It was a really horrible experience I would never want to relive.  I was never really a big weed smoker and I guess I wanted to pretend that it had never happened, so I smoked a few more times, but it just brought me back, though not nearly as bad.  One time, the feelings were still lingering around the next day, and thats when I realized that weed was definitely something I needed out of my life.  I haven't done it since, that was last december.  Anyway, I was fine for a while, then I got really sick with food poisoning, probably the most physically ill I have ever been and basically couldnt move for like 3 days.  After that the feelings seemed to start coming back without any weed smoked at all which started to freak me out.  I couldn't concentrate on anything, the only thing that I could really focus on was the fact that there was something wrong with me and the constant fear of it getting worse.  Thoughts of suicide often raced through my mind, and I told myself that I would have to do it the next day.  Luckily I never went through.  I lost interest in nearly everything I had once enjoyed.  I could not laugh at funny TV shows, I could not even find interest thinking about sex, all thoughts were just overpowered.  Sometimes, I would get very paranoid and feel like everyone was watching me.  I went back to school thinking that I was going to fail out since I could not concentrate on anything.  The paranoia got so bad one night when I was out with my friends I just left and drove myself into the ER.  They gave me some zyprexa which helped me sleep that night and told me to start seeing a therapist and psychiatrist at school.  Talking to them was hard, but I was prescribed more zyprexa and told to take it when my anxiety got really bad.  Right about then, I finally started feeling better after about a month of feeling terrible.  I continued to see the therapist and psychiatrist, though I started to feel better.  They seemed to think that I did not have bipolar, but more of an anxiety problem stemming from the weed incident that would lessen over time.  I took the zyprexa a few times, one time I had a very freaky the day after taking it late at night.  I basically was extremely tired, but when I went back to go to sleep I had a panic attack in my sleep which kind of freaked me out.  I became scared to sleep without it being very dark.  Anyway, they prescribed me seroquil and told me to stop with the zyprexa.  I never took the seroquil for months, possibly cuz I was scared but also because my anxiety never got too bad for a while.  I thought I had beat this anxiety problem.  However, now this summer, my symptoms from that month of feeling terrible seem to be coming back.  This whole summer has not been so great for me, for a while I thought I had herpes, had the girl I really care about tell me it was over, and then I went on a cruise and drank for 5 days straight.  I was feeling depressed the whole summer, but was managing it.  However, a few days after the cruise it all seems to be coming back and I am really scared.  I feel dizzy and disoriented most of the time and have a lot of trouble concentrating on anything.  Today at work I was having trouble counting because I kept losing count.  I have tried taking the seroquil at night but have noticed that it has helped much and I feel worse and worse every day it seems.  The psychiatrist told me that aerobic exercise is good for anxiety, but I feel anxiety even as I am exercising.  I just am afraid of the constant suicidal thoughts coming back like last time.  I have to get through another week and a half and then I will be done with my job and I can go back to school and see the psychiatrist again.  I am starting to think that I do have bipolar and not just some anxiety problem.  Does anxiety disorder happen in episodes like bipolar?  It seems like even when I was feeling good I had some anxiety and fear of going back to that scary place I had been in, which I now seem to be heading to now.  I am just wondering what you guys think, if this sounds like bipolar or not.  Because if it is bipolar, I should probably start taking meds daily to fight it.  I really don't feel like getting my parents involved though, I would much rather wait till I get back to school to see the doctors.  Another thing, sometimes it seems like no matter how early I go to bed, I still want to keep sleeping in the morning.  Is it good to get 12 hours of sleep a night?  I know this is a lot of rambling, but I am not really in a clear state of mind now and I was just wondering if some people had some answers or could help me.  Thanks.
-Steve

psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 8/12/2005 7:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi, Steve, I am sorry you are suffering so.  I do not believe you have bipolar, but rather depression/anxiety disorder, which is very common.  Zyprexa is not a treatment for this, however.  In order to be bipolar, you have to have had at least one manic/hypomanic episode lasting 4 days or more.  Here are the symptoms:

  • elation
  • short temper
  • changing from short temper to elation - and back again very quickly
  • overactivity
  • easily distracted
  • not sleeping
  • over eating
  • increase in sexual desire
  • moving very quickly from topic to topic in conversation - making it very difficult for others to keep up
  • speaking so quickly that it's difficult to understand all the words that the person says
  • having very grand ideas.

Sleeping 12 hours a night is either a symptom of depression, or a result of Zyprexa, which is actually designed for treatment of mania and schitzophrenic psychosis.   It is generally too strong for anyone else and can be the reason.

Tell you psychiatrist everything you have said here.  If he doesn't change you to an appropriate medical regimen, (antidepressant and antianxiety, like Effexor and xanax, just one example), find a new doctor.  Good luck!

Shannon


 

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