Hi, Sandra, thanks soooo much for sharing your story, don't ever worry about saying too much! Remember, we have all been there, and probably did worse things, lol!
I sooo understand about that depression, can't even get the energy to bathe, even if that's all you want to accomplish in a day. When I had that bad depression, I wasn't sad at all, just the mind/body connection. I was really down after a few days, tho, because I was basicaly a prisoner in my own body. It was the darkest most miserable place I've ever been. It happened when I went to the hospital and got stabilized from mania, how about you?
Thank you again Shannon,
I deleted the tattle-tail little bits but now you know so that's okay. I may reveal them again later on when I am feeling a little more confident. I too am a rapid cycler. And, yes, I too take everything way too personally. I think for me it has something to do with the residual paranoia. Though I have pretty much conquered it with the meds, it is sometimes still there in little ways! I have a tendency to analyze things to death too and it always amazes me what things we were in our sickest hours able to keep control over and what things went flying to the wind. You were able to keep control over the bills. I kept family dinners and school functions. I'm darned if I have any idea how though looking back!! I simply could not understand why the people around me could not see what I was going through, could not see life through the eyes I was seeing it through I would spend hours talking to them explaining and explaining and lecturing, ahhhh the family pleasures of mania!! My daughter recently told me that she never had a clue what the heck I was talking about, ever. She just knew better than to ever say so!! My poor babies! I used to think I had a direct line with God. I would watch game shows and tell God who I would want to win and when they did there was my confirmation!! How's that for delusion!
You know, I have been sick for so long that I don't think that I know what it is that I would like to do just for me. I have been treated for depression for so long so wrong that would throw me in to mania, which felt normal and would, of course, incapacitate me. You know, the old SSRI tred mill. I do know that I love to hike, especially when it is cold and crisp. I love dogs and have raised them in the past for both pets and sale. My concentration has not been good enough for long enough to show them. I especially like chihuahuas. I play piano a little bit and would very much like to have one again, but I manage an apartment complex and I am not sure how the tenant above me would feel about my amature attempts! I can't listen to radio, for some reason it upsets me. The music starts to make me feel nervous and then agitated and then angry and then it has to go off or I'll blow up. I do better with country and western because it is more monotone. I do better with tv shows that are more monotone also. Okay, I know strange right? I do love softball, and the batting cages...think it has something to do with whacking the crap out of the ball?
I do think family members need family members to talk to and I definately now know that I for one need someone to share what it was/is like with. So again I have to say I thank the powers that be for this site. I am just learning about which parts of my behaviour were brought on by illness and which were not, okay, mostly which were! And, I'm learning at what point I can remember the actual happenings (first incidents).
As for meds: I am still on an SSRI hmmm, seems to work though, weird
Maybe someday you can teach me to ride...now that would be a hobbie worth having.
Likewise, I am sure we will chat often, if you are frequently on. I am on everyday. College starts next week so you will only see my posts in the evening. The forum keeps me grounded and sane.Ha Sane that's funny.Hey Shannon, you and Patti will be posting in the day , and I will be all alone at night. Unless I drop a few posts before class in the am. You are the early. Class starts at 7:00am, but I have to get up at 5am. Driving there, getting ready , getting Jaylynn ready and to preschool.... ohhhhhhhh the madness !!!! I can't wait.