Hey Nickie I consider myself forewarned...lol! Do not even think about going off your meds hon...I know u dont feel well today, but that is today. I know I hate it too. These fng mood swings are putting me waaaayyyy over the edge. And if one more person gives me the "What is wrong?" I swear I will NOT be responsible for my actions! You cant be the biggest b****, because I AM. Just ask Kev, my sister,etc.! Wish u were here, we could just abuse each other, and then make up tomorrow . I dont wish these feelings on anyoone, but sometimes I wish just once they could LIVE it, like we have to, then I think they would be able to understand us. How many times have u said.."It isnt my fault"? I should get it tatooed. Altho, when I got my belly pierced I almost died of pain....hence no tatoos on the Patster. Kevin is leaving on Monday So I am already freakin'. Ya' know Nick, I hate that about myself. I used to be so friggin independent in every aspect, but since Kevin and I got together, over the years it is like, slowly, w/o me even realizing it..I feel like the old Patti is gone and I dont like this Patti.She is too needy. Not like me. Maybe that is it...hmmm either a split personality or something? Honey, I think overanalyzing is part of this horrific game we are subjected to play. I do the SAME thing and I know Shannon does also. Wether u like it or not we love your personality..you crack Shannon and me up. But babe everyone has that bad day. Like I said I wish u were here we could do lunchon the beach! I am online, I will keep checking back so we can talk. hey, you r cool, you will be OK.
Hey, Nick, I'm sorry, I know exactlyhow ya feel. I told Paul the same thing about the 3-4 day good mood thing, and that I never know which one I'll be in when I wake up. Funny, we should put it exactly the same way. I was being a total ***** this a.m., and with the "why me's" too. The remote was between the couch cushions, Paul is always putting it somewhere I can't find, so I went back there to ask if he knew where, he said in the cushions, and I was like "was it too much trouble to get it out??????!!!!!!!" Then he got mad and I started crying. He helped me out of it, but of course I felt really bad. I did MAKE myself do a high intensity workout that I DIDN'T want to do and it actually helped, the shower did too. In an ok mood now. Maybe try doing your kickboxing? Take it out on the air, girl! Oh, and if it makes you feel even better, you can tell me to f*** off, too!
You know we all love ya and totally understand where you are. Even when meds work we are still going to go through periods of mood swings. Sometimes a longer period of stable, then it goes to crap. That's just the nature, just know we understand and don't ever apologize for it, thats why we're all here, right?
I'll check in from time to time, Pauls in the shower right now.
Pats and Sandra, i'm not forgetting about you! I hope you are doing ok today!
[Moderator note: Patti, if you have problems on the forum, please let me know at email@example.com rather than posting it where it might get overlooked.]
Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 8/19/2005 3:02:59 PM (GMT-6)
I totally hear all of you today. I am feeling the same frustration and exhaustion over the whole BP thing. The medication induced fog and depakote are working to keep the anger at bay which helps to conserve what energy I have left. I am convinced it has to do with the fact that the moon is full, regardless of how crazy that sounds.
I woke up this morning and felt completely hung over, despite the fact that I was in bed early after a very theraputic evening with some girlfriends and two large pots of decaf tea. I could barely stand up, I was so dizzy and just managed to make it to the kitchen and get my fingers working enough to take my medicine. Turns out that I forgot to take one pill yesterday and I'm so sensitive to the stuff that its only starting to kick in and settle me out 4 hours later. I have to go get bloodwork done to check my med levels, but all week I've been a shaking, stuttering, dizzy mess at work and home. I don't think that I've had one drink all week that I haven't spilled and I had to pick up an entire, full, bottle of pills that I spilled the other night when I couldn't get that stupid childproof top off. I conveniently spilled ice cream on my shirt yeserday from the shaky hands. The stain strategically located itself on the most visible portion of my chest while I was out around town. I felt more like Spongebob than Barbie, but whatelse is new
I know that I sound like a total nutter, but I'm convinced that the full moon has something to do with it. I've read all the research that disproves the lunar phase phenomenon, but it happens consistently with me. I never made the connection, but my dad who is Mr. Objectivity pointed it out. Although he isn't BP, he's successfully winning a battle with severe depression through meds and pdoc support and he finds the same sleeplessness, agitiation and restlessness happens like clockwork. He says: "If the moon can change the tides, think of what it can do to a little bird like you"…
Regardless of the source, it doesn't get any less frustrating. I guess the important thing to remember is to attempt to maintain some sort of perspective - there will always be people in the world willing to deal with BP rather than their own more physically debilitating disease. One wildly manic afternoon of spring cleaning in a fit of domestic bliss with the fresh air streaming in the windows would probably seem like ecstasy in paradise to someone who has been bed ridden for years.
The biggest help for me is knowing there is an army of people who are waging the same battle against the madness in their own bodies.
Thanks for all the support girls and have faith that things will be better,
Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 8/19/2005 3:05:32 PM (GMT-6)
Dear Kitty and Putter
Feelin your pain. I have no energy these days after spending all week taming what I consider to be hypomania, what my pdoc calls mania. Regardless, it stinks. I have no energy at work, at home, and my realtionship with my soon to be husband has now taken a turn for the worse. Shall I blame BP or me-who is in control anyhow? I try hard not to be the victim, but sometimes I get so angry too. I mean, every day we are reminded of what we face with the million pills we take that ravage our bodies with shakes, bloat, and dopiness, etc, with the fact that we shouldn't drink a nice glasss of red wine without paying for it for weeks to come,and how that 20 pounds of blubber is necessary to stay well, even though I feel worse b/c my clothes don't fit and I am not the person I used to be. I try so hard not to be mean, but in the throes of mania I am nothing short of a monster. I am now on 700 mg of seroquel, 1200 mg lithium and the mirapex in small doses-my GP was astonished that I am able to stand up in the morning. As for the moon, even my pdoc told me that it is a reasonable theory. He told me about the cycle of a clam (he is a bit different, but I have come to trust him, he always ends up being right) and how when a clam is taken away from the tide, etc and placed in a mine shaft, it can still maintain it's life cycle-oh bother , that probably doesn't make sense. But really, stress, weather, time changes, pms, moon cycles, lack of sleep, and a billion other things can flare BP. We are ultra sensitive people who get affected and suffer the wrath. Are there good days, Sure. But Kitty, thanks for letting us share the cra**y times as we all need to do now and then. B*itch on sisters!!! (and brothers!)
Hey Shannon 1
Hi, Sandra! Yeah, when you are screaming at fictional objects, it's probably time to take a break, lol. I just hate when that happens!
Well, you don't sound tooooooo bad, I hope you are doing a little better now, and then there's always tomorrow, right?
Sleep well, sweetie - let us know how you're doing tomorrow, OK?
Well, when I went to take my night meds I figured out why I wasn't haven't such a hot day!! I hadn't taken my morning meds, oooopps. I should have known. The morning will go along just fine and into the afternoon I'll start to feel a little wonky and minor stress will start to seem, well, stressfull and things that should easily be blown off, aren't.
Hey Shannon, can I email with an idea I have that I think is pretty good?
Well, I'm glad you found out why!!!! Funny how meds can make a difference? Sorry for the sarcasm, lol!
Of course you can email me! No need to ask, sweetie!