Hi I am new here too

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babybloo
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 8/19/2005 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I am interested in finding other sites where my ex hopefully doesnt frequent.  I just posted in another forum but when I saw this one I figured I should give it another try.  I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 many years ago.  Lost count actually.  Been on and off meds since.  This last round of meds I tried seemed to take me down so far that I was definitely worse off then when I started.  First , I was just on topamax and it actually seemed to help a lot, but then they figured I might have been too up high so they added lamictal, wellbutrin, and something else.  When that blew it all.  I couldn't focus, couldnt sleep, and had no desire to live.  So I stopped the meds and only now am I feeling a little more myself and am able to get things done.  Starting to have trouble at work with a particular employee, but I am figuring this is normal as they got rid of a good employee and replaced her with a not so good one who doesn't even pull a 1/4 of her weight.  Frustration is inevitable.  I thought I was trying so hard to control my irritability, but apparently not as I got a warning today from my boss.  The other problem.  My boss was actually my friend at one point in time.  But, as time went on I realized she was looking for information and gossip.  Nothing I told her was kept between us and I found this out a few days ago.  So, I have stopped all communication except work related and during work hours.
 
By the way.  I talk a lot.
 
I go through bouts of mania and sometimes depression, and even periods of normalcy.  Right now I am having some sort of anxiety, most likely a situational problem as I am not feeling overly comfortable in my workplace.  Not that I feel my postion is threatened, but just uncomfortable.  Those people are wacko IMHO.
 
I am a single mother, have a son who is almost three.  Recently divorced and proud of it.  I also have been diagnosed with hypothyroid, and FMS which is still being disputed as new symptoms arise.  Along with chronic pain and fatigue, I am also have severe chronic headaches and now a new rash on my face that won't go away.  I guess if the sun never came out I might not have it.  Like that is going to happen.  With all of this it is no wonder I am having emotional issues.  So, is it the bipolar or something else I don't know, but I do know that meds seem to mess me up more... it is either not to their liking or not to mine and theirs, I am not finding a happy medium.
 
Okay, enough about me.  Just wanted to introduce myself some and hope maybe I have found a new home.
 
bloo 

kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 8/20/2005 6:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome babybloo. It is always great to see new people . This forum can be fun, crazy and sad sometimes all at the same time. We are a great bunch of people, who try and support each other as much as possible. Like being friends long distance. No one is mean here, sometimes bluntness can be mistaken that way, but really it is not personal. We all share at least one common thing, BP , or even some  family members or loved ones that come here for questions and support also. My  name is Nickie, I am a Rapid Cycler, Rapid being the key word. I try and keep everyone laughing here. But lately my days aren't well either. I usually go a good 3-4 days of complete hypo, or close to mania then I crash, into depression. Anger , sadness, tiredness, and lack of motivation really affect me, when the crash happens. It then takes about 2 days to get a little better and the same cycle continues. I have been dx for about 2-3 yrs, closer to 3 now. But since being here, I have learned alot and my doc is great. I thought I was getting closer to stable, but I think stable just taunts me. I have learned to recognize what is about to happen or occur, and that is better than not knowing anything.( I keep a journal and this has attributed) I don't know that being off your meds is better for a BP or not, I would say not. I can't go longer than a day when I have quit my meds. They help more then they hinder. Meds are the key or a step closer in reality to getting stable in my eyes, or at least keeping it under control. Ultimately it is your choice. No one is here to judge either! nono I also wanted to say that I too have a child, a daughter who is going to be 4 in Januaury. I don't speak to much of her on the forum, for certain reasons of my own. I am 27 yrs. old and a surgical technology student who usually tends to be stressed out in the fall ! Like soon! Oh and by the way, we all like to talk here, so don't worry if you think you are rambling!  Nice to meet you! :-)

Arenace
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 249
   Posted 8/20/2005 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Babybloo, I'm Sandra and like Nickie I am a rapid cycler. And Nickie is right the one thing we share is BP. The symptoms for each of us seems to be somewhat unique, but armed with the support and info we get here we all seem better able to cope and get through it. This site is the BEST. No one here EVER judges, no matter what you are thinking or feeling. Trust me, we have all been there and are happy to help. Any time I have ever posted saying "help me" about anything they have jumped right in with "what can I do" so never worry there. And believe me they know things about me I wouldn't tell my MOTHER!! And see, I ramble too!
I have the mania and that is followed by a crash into the darkness with a slow climb out, okay, what seems slow, and then level for a short time and then the roller coaster ride begins again. This takes place over very short intervals.
Please understand that you can't control BP. You can't control it any more than you can control a broken arm or a brain tumor. It's not your fault! Help IS out there and the right meds for you ARE out there. What works for me may not work for you but I know that it helps to learn about the different kinds and their side effects and then be able to have an informed discussion with your pdoc. You do have a pdoc? If not, get one please. If you don't have health insurance email me and I will tell you how to get one in your area if you are interested.

It's great to have you here.
Bipolar brings new meaning to the "Little Ups And Downs Of Life!!"
 
Sandra


 


babybloo
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 8/20/2005 8:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Really?  about finding a doc without insurance?  I don't have insurance, but there is a therapist I saw once for an initial visit, but she didnt take my insurance and I didn't know how to raise the money to go see her.  She also can prescribe meds too.  It would have been great and I loved her, but it didn't work out financially although she is trying to work things out.  Especially now since I don't have insurance at all. Actually, she emailed me a women's group for interpersonal growth possibly on a scholarship program and she would see me inbetween for med checks.  I am scared of meds now after that last batch.  I am scared of groups and don't want to screw up and not show.  I am scared of failure. 
 
Okay, so no I don't have a doc and I don't have a good history of staying with them once I do.
 
LOL... off on a tangent...
 
Nice to meet you all.  It is so great to have found a new place where I can feel safe.
 
bloo
 

Arenace
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 249
   Posted 8/20/2005 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes, it's true, I promise. Email me. I'll get you the info. No group, but you will have to go through a screening. Stick with it. It will be worth it in the end, I promise. Just keep focused on the "light at the end of the tunnel" kind of thing. Some days it will feel worth it, some days it won't. You know, some times you hit the meds on the first or second try, sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error. You and your pdoc will get it. Again, it will be worth it in the end. What is the alternative, feeling like crap or out of control allllllllllll of the time instead of just some of the time. Of course, only you can truly decide. I am definately NOT trying to tell you what to do. Honestly. Just helping if you want to go the med route.
Bipolar brings new meaning to the "Little Ups And Downs Of Life!!"
 
Sandra


 


psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 8/20/2005 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi, babybloo - welcome to our humble abode :-) !

My name is Shannon (there are two nurse Shannons, lol, you'll learn to tell us apart eventually!) I am also a rapid cycler, but pretty stable most of the time on meds.  Took several tries on different ones, but finally got the right cocktail.  Please don't be discouraged thinking meds make it worse, the right ones don't, they make it soooooo much better.  At first on a stabilizer when you get brought down from a mania, you will crash, and feel terrible for awhile - it's inevitable, but then you'll get back up and feel normal for the first time in your life and then you'll wonder why you were so resistant, and you'll never want to go back again.  I still have mood swings, of course, but we all do, no matter what the meds, but its not dangerous or unbearable at all.   Rapid cyclers have the hardest time staying level, so we can expect that sometimes.   

Congratulations on your divorce!!!!  I am a firm believer in tossing aside what makes you sicker, and lots of times, it's the "SO". I am sorry you have to be a single parent, it's hard too, but I think the child AND  actually benefit from no strife in the family. 

Oh, I soooooooo understand about the workplace people!!!!!  I was fired from my first two jobs for the horrible irritability that basically led me to say F*** off to my bosses, hehe.  have also been friends with supervisors who like to get gossip.  I was real bad about that one, not proud of it.  Also, a friend supervisor of mine let it out to all the girls i am  BP, of course people think you're an axe murderer or something, and I eventually left becuase  one of them made me miserable and was never reprimanded for it.   Also, I know about lazy employees!   I f******** HATED them!  I was overly productive, as we BPs are, and had no patience for lazy, slow  or what I perceived to be stupid people (a real charming BP trait, as I'm sure you know, lol)! So I kind of lacked a little on the social graces scale, lol.  People either loved me or hated me, usually authority hated me, haha. Oh, well, the feeling was very mutual. devil

If you're comfortable sometime, you can share your story with us, we always like to commiserate all the horrible things we've done.  And I'm sure someone here can always do one better than what you've done, lolol, that's the beauty of this forum! yeah

Soooooooooo, can ya tell we all ramble?  You know that's part of the deal, right?  Don't apologize, I think we all actaully like to read long posts!  That's how we get to know each other, so ramble on, as Led Zep says!  Oh, wait that was before your time, haha.

Glad to meetcha!

Shannon I

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