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Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/26/2005 7:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I've been trying so had to stay off the meds.  I know my husband doesnl't really approve for financial reasons.  But he has multiple online game accounts and bowls as well.  I can't make all the sacrifices here.  I think I might be going crazy and noone cares.  Nothing bothers him as long as it doesn't cut into his computer time. 
When I tried to express to him that I'm emotionally and physically exhausted and need a break he told me to get a job.  I'm crumbling under the stress now, how am I going to do that?  It's obvious my going nuts affects him not at all but I spent all day yesterday in a panic attack.  A breath from hysteria.  I finally broke down and took a Klonopin, at least those are cheap.  I sat on the couch crying for a long time and I know it scared my youngest.  She climbed up in my lap and just sat there for the longest time.
I'm trying to care for seven people living in this house, sometime eight, I care for my granddaughter as well.  I feel like I'm making all the sacrifices here.  My husband will do an occasional load of dishes but thats it.  Everythilng else ils up to me.  I can't do this anymore.  I don't even want to.  I spend alot of time wishing we hadn't gotten back together.  I don't think he wants to be here anyway.  Maybe he just wanted someone to take over with my stepson.  He doesn't love me.  He wouldn't let me slip away like this.
Ellie

kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 8/26/2005 8:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Gosh Ellie, did you read my post from yesterday. i feel real bad sweetie, I know how it is to feel like you are the person being the caretaker, housekeeper, personal chef, financial advisor...etc... I think you need to do something about your living conditions. You need a room designated for you to go to when you get real bad, so your children won't be affected by mommy crying. I know it's hard, my daughter has seen me, now i go to the bathroom and lock the door. We have 8 rooms in this house, but the bathroom is the only one with a lock on it. You need an escape place hon. Can your kids help with chores, how old are they? Is your husband blind that you are not well. You need to be on any meds that help you, he needs to sacrifice his s*** then. It's frustrating, I kinda go through the same stuff, but my house is huge and I only live with 2 other people. I wish I could offer more words, but I can't , you have my support. One more question, does your daughter and your grandaughter live with you? Not to be nosy or mean , if she is  living with you , is it because she cannot make it on her own? You need support from your family, especillay your husband. I am here if you ever need to talk , k Ellie.

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/26/2005 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
My kids range in age from 23 to almost 2 years old and there are 7 of them. No my daughter doesn't live with me. She didi for a couple of weeks while she was looking for a place but she knows its too crowded here for anyone else. I take care of my eight month old granddaughter while she works. Shes looking for a reliable day care though. I told her it would be temporary.
my thirteen year old helps quite a bit when shes home but shes in cheerleading and involved in alot of school stuff so shes not here all that much. Getting my fourteen year old stepson to do anything is impossible. His dad won't enforce anything either. If I say anything to him I'm just a big b**** so I let it go.

kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 8/26/2005 12:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Ahhhhh.. I see . Why doesn't he make his son do any chores, it teaches kids responsibility. It prepares them , not to mention if chores are done for awhile without having to tell them to do it all the time, it could be rewarded. I think your husband needs to sit and think what is important and what isn't. Sorry to say i have great words but am in the same predictiment . Nothing i say matters orr gets done. It's like pulling teeth sometimes. Do you and your husband have anything in common? What do you guys do together away from the kids? Do you get any alone time? Really that is detrimental to your health. I love to get away even if it's for 30 minutes, although i just leave sometimes. I tell my daughter i am going to shoot pool( not often), and that her dad is gonna stay with her. Sometimes they drop me off, cause we really only have one car. Mine is almost brand new, his are junk. And then I relax. Shooting pool is relaxing to me, I enjoy it so much. It s a good thing I don't own one in the basement, cause I honestly wouldn't get anything done . Maybe then Jason would do something, lol . Have a good day Ellie.

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/26/2005 1:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I would love to just go sit somewhere and have a coffee all by myself. And no, we don't really have anything in common. We used to work together years ago. We've been married almost 7 years but have lived together maybe 2. We can't seem to tolerate each other more than 6 months at a time. I don't even know why we're trying again. Its stupid.
I can't really leave the kids with him to go out though. He doesn't pay any attention to the 2 yr. old and I'm afraid we'll be dealing with a disaster. I come home from the grocery store and the house is trashed and he's on the comp. just where I left him and has no idea what the little ones are doing. They might as well be alone.

kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 8/26/2005 2:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Yeah forget that idea then. What is he usually doing on the computer ?  just curious, jason's always playing cards on the computer. I don't mind though because I usually think he just isn't here. I wish I could offer you more Ellie, but I can't. Where did you live before? Have you always lived with him since you've been together, cause I thought you said you were trying this again. That's what Jason and I were suppose to be doing trying this again. lol It's funny to me, because I think I am the only one trying. Oh well, s**** happens and my life will go on. Hope you are well today Ellie! smurf

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/26/2005 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   
My husband is an Everquest Junkie. Plays four to six hours a day during the week much more on weekends. We've only lived together probably two of the seven years of marriage. I've been in this apartment for nearly 13 years, so long before we met. He's moved out and a couple of time I moved him out. and then he goes to stay with family or whatever. I really don't know for sure. He's a compulsive liar by nature, and I'm fanatical about the truth. That in itself is a recipe for disaster.
I love lhim and he says he loves me. But then when they lie about everything else the words "I love you" really don't carry very much weight. Men, go figure. No wonder I like my dog so much. It's certainly much better company, doesn't tell lies and even loves me when I feel all out of control and am yelling at everyone. Itd's nice to be accepted for who you are and in real life those instances are few and far between. Good luck with your situation as well KittyCat
Ellie

SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 8/26/2005 3:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Talk to your Dr,start taking your medication & get a life with or without hubby.Be resposible for yourself so you can care for your kids.


SnowyLynne


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/27/2005 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Get a life huh? How helpful. Thank you.

kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 8/28/2005 7:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Absolutely no comment, Ellie if you need to talk about the situiation you are in , you know that I am here with some thoughtful advice. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.... what is the deal lately. Are people BP posting here?

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/6/2005 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   
....I am not BP but my son is and I read some posts on here ..Ellie ....that comment was totally uncalled for ........I am sorry that you were told this especially right now with all you are going thru ..........Take care and God Bless .........Lyn
 
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    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
Moderator for Crohn's,Anxiety/ Panic and Alzheimers 
 
                                   


kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/6/2005 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Well put Lyn. How is your son doing anyhow? How old is he. I am sure you posted here before, I just can't remember his age. I hope he is doing as well as he can be. It is nice to see parents supporting there children. Is he too young to post? I think this is a great informative forum. It can be hectic sometimes, but without it I honestly would feel all alone. My mom is very supportive, but everyone else thinks I am a pain in the... well you know. Like I just walk around saying I love when I run into angry and then 5 minutes later run into his rivalry happy manic. Geez...... I wouldn't ever want to be me. Oh wait I really don't have much choice , do I ? lol  So anyways, thanks for posting hope ya write back!  Sincerely, Nickie AKA " super crazy rapid cycling ... I can't say the rest" .

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/7/2005 2:32 AM (GMT -7)   
...Nickie,my son is 31 and he has only been dx for the last 7 yrs ..........for most part is loveable and him............ and then along comes the boy/man I dont know but love so much and will support him for always with love or whatever else he may need ...........right now his 2 babies (one is 7 and the other is 5 are with Nana........lol sure keeps me hopping)..............alot of the topics on this forum have helped me and I must say you have been a big help ...thanks and God Bless ......Lyn
 
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    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
Moderator for Crohn's,Anxiety/ Panic and Alzheimers 
 
                                   


kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/7/2005 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Anytime sweeetie, i do hope you stay or at least visit us. Ahhhhh.. 2 little ones huh. Ionly have one but I fear the same thing except with extreme paranoi that my 3 yr. old little girl will end upp being Bipolar. I see certain things , but then again I pacify it as she's just 3! lol I think that's what my parents did. unintentionally of course. well keep us posted! Nickie

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/8/2005 3:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Nickie ......I most certainly will take ya up on the offer to visit you's here ......I am totally supportive of my son and he will be posting soon I am glad to say.........told me he will join Friday after work ...........I hope today finds you having a great one .............yak Later k .........God Bless .....Lyn
 
Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
Moderator for Crohn's,Anxiety/ Panic and Alzheimers 
 
                                   


kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/8/2005 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Lyn. Sorry i have been under the weather lately. It seems I am making my rounds on the board to educate my illness to people today. I think everyone deals with this differently, and everyone reacts differently to different things. i wish i could be nice and happy all the time. but instead I feel real sick lately. Stress triggers worse thing in me. So I justt wanted to say thank YOU for being so supportive over here. have a great day. Also would of been my pap's b-day, but he died in march and i miss him ALOT. We were really close, and i took my nan to the cementary too put fall flowers on his grave, and I am sad. I feel lost and confused. That is 4 people in the last year I have lost. A friend committed suicide actually 2, I was closer to one, my great-grandmother died and my pap. So I guess i am missing everyone and have a hard time understanding why he died the way he did. ( my pap). I often ask God why it was his time , and to leave my nan alone. I just miss him and nothing can make him come back. Sorry this is so depressing, but that is where i am headed today. Thanks for caring Lyn, Nickie

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/8/2005 2:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Nickie .......am truly sorry you are going thru this ....I have just lost my grama a year ago and it is really hard to go thru .....never apologise for being sad we all get like that I have lost so many of my loved ones to death I was really questioning God myself for the longest time .I had a son who passed away at 6 yrs old ..that was one of the most horrid days and times of my life,and I was alone then ....I can now come here and talk about all that bothers me and how I feel and I find that it sure helps me ......I wish I could help you all I can do is listen and be here .....Take care and God Bless .....Lyn
 
Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
Moderator for Crohn's,Anxiety/ Panic and Alzheimers 
 
                                   

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