Im feeling sick..AGAIN, please advise if u want

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stox4pat
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 9/5/2005 1:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi my loved ones. Before I go into my "issue", just want to say how much I appreciate you all, everytime I think my family is trying to accept me BP or whatever it is and all, then they hurt me..WHAT CAN I DO!!!!! I am so confused confused   Here goes......Sat. I was at my sister's for my niece's B-day party. Was feeling VERY psycho, but knew I couldnt let anyone down, so I forced my smile and funky personality so we would ALL have a good day, and all of us tht are ill know how difficult that is. So, we had a good day (or so I thought) her friends were emailing her Sunday telling her how much fun they had and how much fun her Aunt is. So, her B-day present from me was a shopping spree, so she spent the night w/me on Sat. and when we got here my televisions in my bedroom and the living room werent working, but the upstairs one was working, I clled the cable company and they were trying to help me..to no avail. I then called my husband and he was getting ready for work (the nite shift and he is always stressed when he has to go to work, and he is nasty to me...telling me that I "pushed a wrong button and I better figure out what is going on!") Well, duh..if I could have done that i wouldnt have called him!!!!!!!!!!!! So, then came MY mistake (as usual) I called my sister for some support as I was crying and freaking out. I know it was just a TV, but I knew my niece wanted to watch it (at the time I didnt know the upstairs one was working) nd I was worried about letting my husband down cuz I can never do anything right. Anyway, I was calling my neighbor to see if they were hving probs, also (maybe a power surge or something), my bro-in-law was calling on the other line and I have voice mail not an answering machine, and missed his call. I then picked up the phone to call another neighbor and I heard the tone that lets me know someone has left a message..I then called him (bro-in-law) back. I explained that I didnt know he called but called him right back-like 3 minits after he left the message! (I have had voice mail for 15+ years) I said, Randall I didnt get the message as I have voice mail. He then said, "So how did u know I called?" I felt he was accusing me of being dishonest (please tell me if I am wrong you guys). He told me "let me talk to Lauren (my niece, his daughter), and u hang up," Well, I could hear every word he was saying as he was yelling, "Lauren get your things together, I am coming to get u", She says "Why, Dad", he says "Pat is acting like a crazy person, saying she is going to stranger's houses to see if they can help her." Lauren says, "No dad she didnt..she is going to Scott's and Ross's, the neighbors she KNOWS, not strangers to see if they can help her, I want to stay here w/Aunt Patti" then my sister gets on the phone w/Lauren and says, "Lauren are u OK? she says yes Mom, why wouldnt I be?" Sis says, "Are u sure u want to stay or do u just feel sorry for Aunt Patti" Lauren says, I dont know what that means..sis says"You always feel bad for our Aunt because she is alone, do u want us to come and get you?" Lauren says, "No, mommy, I want to stay here w/Aunt Patti". I still havent stopped crying, my eyes are the size of watermelons (but of course I still took her shopping for 6 hours) and I am sick, my colitis back w/a vengence (Diareahh...10xa day since then). Kevin is FURIOUS, he wants to call them and tell them how he feels, but he knows that they will NEVER speak to us again, which they never will anyway! But, I will not let him. I just do nt understand!!!! How can they treat me like this when they know I have NEVER EVER put my niece at risk, and never would. My brother in law has some things that we could dis him about, but we know it isnt his fault, so why would we???? So, I just dont understand why they are treating me like this. I am doing EVERYTHING I can do to get better, going to a pdoc, trying as hard as I can to keep my psycho ways under control as they are my family and I dont want these issues. PLEASE tell me what I did wrong??? I have been racking my brain trying to figure it out..I know I over reacted as it was just 2 TVs, but my brother in law misunderstood what I was saying and, once again I am the BAD GUY!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!  Maybe all this and my husband also over reacting may make you all understand why I constantly wish I was dead. I even told Lauren when she left last nite, if you guys want to do the barbecue tomorrow, have your Mom call me....It is now 4:30, and NOTHING. I need your opinions/advice as to what I did wrong and what to do now. Thanks in advance and sorry this is so long. I hope u all had a grrrrreeeeaaaattt weekend!
 
All my love to everyone,
Patti sad    
Epilepsy (31 years)  Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 
 
Colitis (5years)  Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05
 
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
 
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
 
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote and Effexor 150mg
 
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day                                                                                                                                           


psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/5/2005 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh, Pats I'm so sorry!    I don't understand them either.   From what you have said, they freaked out because you were going to the neighbors for help?  WTF!   Has Lauren stayed with you alone, without Kev before?  Are they just thinking your psycho and alone with her and she's in danger becuase your psycho? confused  

I understand Kev's reaction, in fact, I would expect any good husband to feel that way.  He's not a wimp!  He took up for you.  and I don't have to tell you about stress before shift.  It's not you, you know that, right?  Think about it, compared to saving emergency lives, a TV is no big deal to him.  It's all relative.  You just wanted Lauren to have a good  time.  I understand, and when everybody calms down, you can maybe have a rational talk about it, but not until then.  You are overreacting, too, saying they will never talk to you again.  That's ridiculous, you know.  They are blood, that's nto going to happen, no matter how immature and paranoid they are! yeah

It's not worth making yourself sick over.   Just call over there and ask nicely to talk to your sis, NOT her f****** lame a** husband.  Be CALM!  and did I mention calm?

We all love you here, Pats, don't ever doubt that!   We all have rocky times with family, mental illness makes that mandatory! :-)    But you're not giong to lose any of us, so get that out of your paranoid/everybody-hates-me head! tongue  

Just breathe.   Take a walk.   Drink some hot herbal tea.  Smell some lavendar.  Take a bath with candlelight!   Just do something calming for yourself, having diarrhea isn't helping the situation!   Don't let it "run" the show, pun intended, lol.

Love you girl,

Shan


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


stox4pat
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 9/5/2005 4:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Shan. I understand that u think that they are "blood". But, this (not this particular thing, but other issues) has happened before and all they want is me out of their lives. My sister "trys" but obviously just doesnt understnd that IT ISNT MY FAULT. She says that she knows it isnt my fault, but she just says that it stresses her out. At X-mas time she actually went to her doctor and explained to him that she couldn't deal w/me anymore. That is why her doc told her that I needed a Neurophyschiatrist, which u know I checke with my Neurogologist and a Neuropdoc and they both told me that I did not need a Neuropdoc. They just do not want to deal w/my problems. Vic (sis) has told me several times that it is not her problem, but mine and why should she deal. Plus she says that I stress her out more than ANYTHING else in her life. So, my dear I have to give her what she wants and leave her alone. That is why I am so stressed. Her and Lauren are the most important people in my life. Except Kev, of course. If I am hurting her so bad, I guess I have to walk away and be alone. Trust me Shan she doesnt want to talk to me or she would have called. Unless u have this disease, obviously they will not be able to understand. My cousin that I will be with is a lot like me and I KNOW tht she understnds me as she has had a lot of problems. So, I just have to hope and pray that I will be able to live without Vicki and Lauren.I just wish I could STOP the tears!!! Shan, I am so afraid of losing them. Thanks much for your encouragement and I hope we will do the cruise thing. Oh yeah, Lauren has stayed here plenty of times without Kevin being here. That is why I am so confused that such a misunderstanding is causing this. You know besides my mental probs, I have Epilepsy, colitis, and migraines. None of which stress is good for. I will call u tomorrow or Wed. Thanks for excepting for who and what I am. Just pray that I do not do the bad deed, I dont know if I can live w/o them, but I guess I have no choice. Please pray for strength for me.

I love you my dear friend,
Patti
Epilepsy (31 years)  Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 
 
Colitis (5years)  Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05
 
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
 
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
 
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote and Effexor 150mg
 
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day                                                                                                                                           


psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/5/2005 7:31 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh, I didn't know it was like that with your sis.  I'm so sorry, I know you love Lauren, but I honestly do NOT believe you have lost them for good. It just doesn't work like that over a petty misunderstanding. 

Hey, don't talk like that!  You aren't "doing" any deed, young lady!     Think about Kev!  That's what has kept me from doing anything in the past, the only reason is I think about Paul having to find me, and the shock and misery and guilt he would suffer until his dying day.  I know you're not that selfish, and besides, it's not the end of the world! 

If you are feeling seriously like offing yourself, for real, then get into a hosp, pronto!  You hear me????

Don't let them control you.  They will get over it, trust me.  You always have us, Pats, and Kev.  Think about that!  

I'll talk to you tomorrow, OK?   Try to get some good sleep tonight.

Love ya,

S


Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 9/7/2005 12:39:50 PM (GMT-6)


kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/6/2005 11:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Patti, sorry this comes late. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this ordeal. You know sometimes I think the same s*** about my brother and the kids and his wife. Don't much care about his wife though.I know I pretty much lost my brother over her thinknig I am crazy. Whatever. See it might be different , because my sibling is a brother, but I don't call him anymore or anything. I figured he thinks he is toooooooo busy to pick up the phone and call me, like I am less busy.? So I don't even bother, plus I get sick and tired of his wife calling me crazy and I " start" everything. So screw them all. I basically say I don't have a brother. One day he will miss being able to talk to me, oh well that will be his problem. I think you are overeacting just a bit. I think you tend to get yourself worked up , causing your other problems to get more complicated, when in time it will be alright. Trust me I understand though. I do the same s***, but not over him anymore. i always feel like a loner, but heck that beats the he** outta always being hurt. Do you think your sis ponders or dwells on this like you do? Probably not, and that will bother you even more. It did me for awhile. I feel like this, If I am making someone uncomfortable or causing them to be frustrated, then guess what STAY THE ---- AWAY FROM ME. ( excuse my language)
Because the more I think and feel I am doing that to someone, the more frustrated I get, and it makes it worse on me. about Lauren ( how old is she), she knows you are not mad, or nuts, more than likely she probably thinks her parents reactions are a bit extreme. Your sister don't know how to handle you? Well tell her to step in your shoes for a day! If she wants to know how to deal with someone that may have BP,tell her to EDUCATE herself about it. In the future she won't look like an a**. No offense, speaking from experience with my own family. It is so irritating to have someone doubt you or personally attack you , when they have no idea. You will be fine, everything is fresh right now. People are overeacting and are frustrated. Give it a few days and ask her if you can talk to her and see if she complies. Also I would ask her to not do that in front of Lauren either. That's completely uncalled for. I hope and know this will work out with time. My brother and I are civil to each other, but he wouldn't be anyone I called on! We don't talk that much anyways, just how I like it. He constantly complains about his wife and never does anything about it. I once told him to grow a set of bal** or quit complaing like a child. He chooses to be miserable in order to see his kids all the time, well he made that choice so be it. There is something my mom told me in this case about him,  she said, Nickie , you can't make someone be in your life , nor can you change a person. She also said why would you want a person in your life with so much negative energy. I know it sounds like common sense, but it helped me to better understand the whole big picture. i have no other words for you patti, but we are here for you even though we are miles apart.  Sending my (((((((((((((( Hugs )))))))))))))))))))), once again with extra love this time. You can do this!!!!

stox4pat
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 9/8/2005 10:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Nickie. I know u r trying to help, but I have been down this road w/my sister. I really thought those days were over, but I was wrong.She has educated herself, but unless u have that mental illness, you cant understand.I know on the surface it appears to be a set of misunderstandings, but it isnt. It is like u said, you cant make someone be in your life. Lauren is 13, and my husband and I both knew this day would come. Again someone that does not have a mental illness will never know what it feels like. I am different from you in that I dont want them to stay the----away from me. A friend of ours that is dying of Cancer called me yesterday and we were talking about it, and she was crying, she doesnt inderstand how we can be doing this to each other because she always wanted a sister, its very sad. I cant do it anymore, Im tired of apologizing because others dont understand. The thing is that I DID NOTHING WRONG, except get upset over a friggin TV!!! Take care and thanks for trrying.

Patti
Epilepsy (31 years)  Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 
 
Colitis (5years)  Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05
 
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
 
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
 
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote and Effexor 150mg
 
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day                                                                                                                                           


kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/8/2005 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Honestly Patti, I really didn't have any great words of advice. i just wanted to let you know that it happened to me, but the only choice I had left was to step away from the negativity. I can't handle it , and it was only making things worse for me. I wanted to let ya know in that post that I am supporting you as much as I can! :-) It isn't easy and I have also been through it all with my brother, and finally said enough is enough. I always wanted to make sure you knew that I think having a sister is probably alot different. People are usually best friends with there sister. So i can't help you , justtrying to offer you some support. Sorry i can't help, it drives me nuts when I can't help someone with a problem. Anyways, keep us updated. Luv Nickie

stox4pat
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 9/8/2005 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Nick, JUST BECAUSE U CANT SOLVE MY PROBLEM, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT U DO HELP!!!!! Plese read my thread about missing you all. Maybe it will shed a better lite ;~) Baby, you aren't God, dont go crazy cuz u THINK u arent helping, when indeed u are. Why the hell else would I come to you all for advice??? OK? please understand how special u all are to me. now, I must go read your thread on depression, and maybe I can help you! thanks so much for caring.

Love ya'
Patti
Epilepsy (31 years)  Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 
 
Colitis (5years)  Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05
 
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
 
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
 
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote and Effexor 150mg
 
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day                                                                                                                                           

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