I'm so sorry you're having an episode. You are fully hypomanic now, and I am just going to recommend you nip it in the bud before you do something stupid. You know what I mean, you are having flight of ideas, paranoia and bad dreams, all are common. You are running the risk of full mania. Even hypo will cause you to do things you will regret. I don't have to tell you all this, you know. You ARE bipolar. You have to deal with it. Ellie is totally right, these swings are dangerous for a fetus, so, there is a risk of not medicating too and here are tons of risks when you're pregnant. Things happen even when you're perfect! And don't forget, you have a husband to think about too. He deosn't deserve to live with that when it's fixable.
Just trust your pdoc, it is his/her specialty, they are the expert. If you insist on staying on Zoloft, at least get a heavy duty stabilizer. Well, lol, get one anyway! You don't want to end up in the hospital. That's all I'm going to say, it's ultimately your choice, I hope you make the right one.
Oh, one more thing (of course, lol) what goes up must come down. If you let yourself go for long in the hypo state, you will come crashing down, this is the time of year. That always happens anyway, we all know that, it's either/or.
Nickie! don't think that! You haven't said anything wrong. If we can't post when were feeling bad, then what good is it. I think we all know by now the nature of BP is being not so nice when we feel bad. unfortunatley, so is being overly sensitive to others and paranoid, a real catch 22!
It would be a shame that we feel we can only post when everybody, esp ourselves is doing great.
I finally had to make an appt with my pdoc today, I can't take it, and can't seem to fix it no matter what I do. Come to find out, I am having mixed episodes. Nver thought I would see the day. It's awful. There's really not much they can do about mixed, it is the time of year and will play itslef out mroe than likely. I am bouncing off the walls, tired, teary, angry and extremely happy and joking at the same time.
I think we are all either mixed or rapid cycling, we just need to deal and help each other OK?
BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs
Hi! I gave your post a great deal of thought. I do understand your predicament, because in the next 2 yrs, we will be starting our family. I will be creeping around the age of 35, which troubles me to begin with, knowing that conceiving is that much more dificult arond that "magic" number. I have been trying to not get pregnant (and never have been) which makes me wonder if I can conceive at all honestly. To know you have been trying with no success breaks my heart.
As for the drugs, I feel for you in the deepest way. I think to myself that maybe I shouldn't even take the risk of having a baby b/c I could hurt it with the drugs, and if I am not medicated, I could hurt it just as much. Adoption has been heavy on my mind. Anyhow, I talk to my pdoc a lot, and have come to trust him as he seems to have me pegged (this took awhile!). He told me that yes, there is the risk of Ebstein's and lithium, but that he was not sure about the other drugs b/c honestly it hasn't been researched well, if at all. He raised a good point though. He told me that not being medicated can be just as dangerous, esp postpartum. He said that when a baby is floating around in stress hormones like cortisol, it is imapacted negatively. He tells me that damage can be done to the developing fetus if mom is a mental and physical mess. I thought I could risk going off the meds for 9 months, but honeslty, I remember what the crashes are like, and I am nothing short of either suicidal or a monster with the rage. He did suggest that perhaps for the firt 3 months to stay off drugs and go back on after that. However, you spend all that time getting stabilized and then it all goes south. The dilemma-what is best for baby, ultimately-and what is also best for you...I will keep you posted if I hear any more stuff!
Take care Dana.
I don't have anything to add directly in response to the meds question. Although I'm only 25 this is something that already weighs heavily on my mind. I want to say that I think that you are all brave in facing the reality of the situation. I know plenty of women who aren't nearly as cogniscant or aware of what it involves being pregnant and I think that its important to recognize that it takes courage to face these heavy realities.
My hearts go out to you all and I hope that you find some sort of peace in your quest,
Putter, I just have to say that you are sooo eloquent and well spoken/written! It's always nice to hear from you, you are very thoughtful!!!
Hey, Dana, I just wondered if all the responses have helped ou make a decision yet. I'm not pushing, don't worry, I'm just curious if we helped.
How are you doing? Did you call the pdoc? I hope so!
Thanks for the concern. I am taking everyone's responses in and still pondering what I'm going to do. I'm still having my moments, but I'm still not ready to jump on a mood stabilizer. I know I would feel a whole lot better, but I'm going to see what cutting down on the zoloft does.
Hi, Dana, I know what it's like to burn out!!!!!! But Nickie's right, you will feel better if you come here, because we all do understand and we love you, too!
I am SOOOOO glad you're still feeling good, you went through a very long depression.
Hope to hear from you soon!