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Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/9/2005 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I've done alot of complaining lately about my situation and the way I deal with things.  Sometimes I forget just how good I have it.  
We've had some serious financial challenges lately compounded by my dental issues and my 5 yr. olds dental problems as well.  Poor kid.  I started brushing his gums before he had teeth.  I brush his teeth still.  I don't think he does a good job on his own.  He never had a bottle, he was breastfed exclusively, and still he had been plagued with tooth decay.  Our (insurance selected) dentist couldn't get near him.  He'd curl into a ball and shriek.  The guy truly isn't good with kids.  So he insisted we take him to a Pediodontist.  Okay, I already have a good one for my 13 year old but she has insurance through my 1st husband and the guy wont take the HMO junk we have.  He's gotta go right?  So they clean his teeth and my husband lets them take impressions because he thinks they'll take the insurance (which really isn't more than a discount program) and that will cover the spacers(No).  $600.00  for spacers.  We don't have that.  I feel bad because my daughter got her braces and I can't do the ortho for my son but her dad put the $5000.00 in her mouth.  My husband made the appt. for the spacers.(Still under the impression that we had insurance) I called and cancelled the appt.  Kept the one for the four fillings but there was no way to do both. 
 This is one of the best pediodontists in the area.  This guy has dealt with my older girls forever.  When he found out that I'd cancelled the appt because we had no real insurance he immediately reinstated the appt and had his office call me back to tell me the appliances would be put in at no charge.  Said he wouldn't have those teeth shifting.
Now when I was a kid, my mother would never have taken a "handout" like that.  She was too proud.  Thats why we went without food for days at a time and sometimes missed school because she was afraid I"d faint and the state would find out.  I learned early on that for the kid you swallow your pride and do what you must.  I don't call this a handout but a blessing.  When things are at their worst, something good always comes through for us.
I get depressed and so busy seeing all the difficulties I have to overcome, I become blind to the paths that have opened up before me.  My life might be challenged with financial and medical issues but I still consinder myself blessed.  Things could be so much worse.  For the most part I have a good life.  I'm surrounded by everything, and everyone, that is most important to me.  What else could I ask for?  Even when the BP is at it's worst and I feel like all is lost, God has never abandoned me. 
I know, kind of a lengthy post, but I really felt the need to share that.  We've all had so many difficulties lately.  It just seems like if you hang on just a little while, the rainbow might be just around the corner.

kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/9/2005 1:25 PM (GMT -7)   

Well Ellie I understand that point. With all the tragedies going on and have went on all over the world, I sit here going what the heck would I do if I was in there predictiment? So I guess for me, I would turn to someone higher than me to help me through this. I am not a very religious person but my nan is, and I find myself lately asking for help. Not just help for me , I ask help for all. I watched the news with Katrina, I cried seing kids that hadn't eaten or were wearing nothing but a diaper. I would be so devastated. I am so glad that my family could donate some money and send my daughters clothes ( that she has outgrown), to the church and get ready to help. My nan is buying diapers and wipes to send also. So as I sit and complain of how I feel , I also say to myself stop being so selfish. These families have seen trauma and witnessed things I hope I never will, this will ultimately affect them forever.

                                                                                           nickie 


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/9/2005 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   
You aren't selfish. No more than any human. Seeing others difficulties doesn't make yours any less real. We all have our issues. I just had a little glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel and it felt good to share it.

stox4pat
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 9/11/2005 12:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ellie. YOU ARE NOT SELFISH, NOR TOO darn PROUD!!!! You and your children deserve the best medical and dental care possible. I m sooooooo proud of you that u took the ball and ran with it, and scored a HOMERUN!!!! Good for you honey! As u know my husband is an ER doc and he trets over 20% of his patients for free. My only issue concerning you (and please do not take it the wrong way, I swear to God I am only saying it out of love) is your husband! I know u love him, and I am sure u r tired of hearing it, but darn IT Ellie, you, and the children's physical and dental health are more important than his computer addictions and his bowling!!!! Doesn't he see what is going around him??? Again, probably "NO"! I think I have asked u before, but does he work??? PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE, why does he think it is the dentist's responsibility (which I am so happy tht u let the Docs help, trust me honey YOU ARE A BIGGER PERSON FOR IT!!!) to take care of the children, wether they are step children or his biological kids! (I say this as I still cant figure out who is who in your home..lol) I mean, if the two of you had adopted because u couldnt have had kids, would he just say, "well they aint mine!" I dont want u to hate me...but he frustrates me sooooooooooooooooo much!!! As Nickie said in a thread about family, siblings, etc., nothing to do with u, she was talking about her family. "GROW A SET OF BALLS" ! And I say, "BE A MAN AND tAKE CARE OF YOUR FAMILY!" Anyway babe, I am glad tht u were able to find that rainbow that u so despertely needed. Please dont be mad at me. I luv ya'!

To a beautiful smile,
Patti ;~)
Epilepsy (31 years)  Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 
 
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Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/12/2005 7:39 AM (GMT -7)   
It takes alot more than that to make me mad. Yes he does work. We have seven children between us. I had four when we met and he had a custody of his son from his first marriage as well. We also have two together. The kids range in age from 23 to 2. With the five youngest still at home. We carry insurance through his job on the two youngest and his older son. It just has terrible script coverage and Dental isn't really insurance, its a discount program.
I do become frustrated over the financial issues. I try to keep it all in perspective. I was financially stable in my first marriage. It was not all it was cracked up to be. I was physically and verbally battered for more than a decade. Mostly because that was how it had always been and I didn't realize I deserved any more than that. I didn't get out until I saw the effects it was having on my kids. My current husband has his faults, true, but so do I, and he is a kind a gentle man who, other than the computer issues, treats me and the children well. It's been a struggle yes, but I truly am happier than I have ever been. This is a safe and loving place, without violence. The first one I've ever known. I would rather my children grow up with financial struggles than to grow up in the fear I grew up with.
Ellie

kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/12/2005 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
 Gotta say I know exactly how you feel Ellie. I too was physically and verbally abused almost killed. Unfortunately I could not take the stand a year later, for a few reasons and he currently still holds his high paying job and walsk fre everyday. I used to blame myself for not doing alot of things , but realized I never did anything wrong. I also used to believe falling into a safer palce was better. Yeah it is  , but always remember not to settle because it is better than the laast could of thought about being. I am all about healthy , mature , adult relationships, but you have too be happy at least what you feel is happy all over the board. I think you are because you said, you are truely happier than you have ever been. All things take time and compromise, I hope you get the best that you deserve. I have no clue why I am rambling but I am. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I too have been there, and I don't usually talk too much about it due to the traumatizing effects it had on me. I hate him and always will, but glad I am making progress in my OWN life now. Someone higher than me , was watching over me and kept me alive because I am here for a reason. Once I figure that out , then maybe I can reach the top of Maslow's heirarchy of needs.. Self Actualization. Okay I am stopping. Sometimes I think I talk aloud. lol Talk later, Nickie

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/12/2005 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I really don't hold anything against my ex anymore. There was alot of anger in the beginning but that's over now. He's been sober for seven or eight years now and feels true remorse over his treatment of me. While we may be a disaster as a couple, I consider him to be one of my greatest friends. We have a much better relationship now than we ever did married.
He's also a wonderful provider for his children. He's retired military, but still has a civillian govt job and great insurance. He's never missed a child support payment, and does everything he can to make sure the kids have everything they need. I can't say I regret our relationship. We had three wonderful daughters together. Everything happens for a reason I suppose.
I haven't found quite the forgiveness with my mother. Our family remains fragmented and our relationship is still very strained. I'm working on it though. I think its important for me personally to put it behind me. The anger I've carried has made me ill both physically and emotionally. It leaves me feeling guilty and the guilt makes me self destructive. Speaking only for myself, I feel alot better since I've let alot of that go.
I really don't think I've settled. Just discovered whats most important to me. It's never been money, I grew up dirt poor. I'm in alot better financial position now than I ever was as a kid. I'm all about family, my kids are my life.
Speaking of kids, its time to sign off and rewind Dora the Explorer. The little one is screaming like the world is ending and that can only mean the end of the Dora tape. You said you have a 3 year old so I'm sure you're well aquainted with Dora.
Have a Great Day!
Ellie

kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/12/2005 9:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Ellie you are a nicer person than I. I guess though when you are made to play russian roulette with a rifle then have a shotgun loaded to your head, honestly I cannot forgive and never will. There is no excuse alcohol drugs whatever... I wish he wasn't able to walk free. I hate him and worse than that...... If I seen him he should have something tattooed to his head, saying beater of women or something. Yeah sure he said he had remorse, right , who was he trying to convince, not me .... Anyways, sorry that subject is something i cannot handle. Yeah I know all about Dora, but lately she is a spongebob freak. I try to cut her time on the tv though other wise she would be a couch potato. gotta go to class... nickie
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