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portia
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/11/2005 1:49 PM (GMT -7)   
 Hello, this is my first time writing.  I just wanted to connect to some people and get some feedback on symptoms that I have been having.  First of all my Internist insists that I am bi-polar. I disagree.She has had me on every type of medication under the sun.  None of them work for me because I cant seem to get past the side effects.  Anti depressants of ANY kind give me severe insomnia and make me bounce off the walls.  Topomax puts me in a very dark and dismal mood. Extremely bad.  She decided that giving me both of them would work ... it didnt.  Still couldnt sleep.  I could only take 1 week of that then I quit.  Ill admit I do have erratic sleep patterns.. Like sometimes I can wake every hour or two, slightly doze in between do this all night and wake up feeling absolutely fine.  As a matter of fact I have great energy during the day... I cant explain this.  Other times I can sleep the same way and feel like a truck hit me in the morning and absolutely cannot function during the day. Irritable, crabby, short tempered.  On the other days when the energy is with me i want to talk and be social with everyone and everything.  On the tired days I dont want anyone around me and I have to go home and go to bed at 7PM.  I just cant figure out why I can have great amounts of energy with hardly any sleep and feel totally different other days with the same amount or I should say the same quality of sleep.  And then there are time when I sleep great and only wake up once but when the alarm goes off I have a very hard time getting up and feel sluggish during the day. Any one relate to this?  I picture bi polar like a Robin Williams type.  Or a Margo Kidman who was found wandering the streets of LA and didnt know where she was.  I  am completely functional.  Although these changes in my behavior drive me nuts.
I have an appt. with a Psych. on the 20th.
Help, so sorry for babbling on confused
Portia

psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/11/2005 2:38 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Portia, I'm glad you found us!   But, here's the bad news.  The symtpoms you desribed are textbook bipolar.  No question.  The pattern of insomnia and feeling fine, tons of energy in spite of it is a big key factor.  but, so is the "mac truck syndrome".  If you read a few of the more recent threads, you will probably read that very exact same complaint.  In those words.  Extreme fatigue, angry, snappy, all apply.  And, oh yes, the antidepressant making us crazy!!!!!  They are a no no! nono

Have you done any reading on bipolar besides what you've heard about the celebs?  If you have, you would probably recognize yourself quickly.  But then again, another key trait is denial.  Denial that anything is wrong except some insomnia, or just tired, or people are bothering you, or PMS, etc etc etc.   And BIG denial there is a mental illness to blame!  OMG!  This typically goes on for years, on and off meds, until you are so sick you have ruined your life as a result of mania.  Promiscuity, spending sprees, bad judgement, reckless and/or dangerous behaviour, etc.  Bipolar comes in degrees, you may not experience every single symptom, but in time you will, because it only gets worse with time. 

The reason the Topomax made you feel that way is because you were getting "stabilized" i.e. taken down from hypo/mania.  That happens, because any time you are up (hypo/manic), you have to come down eventually, whether from meds or crashing into depression.  That's why none of us like to take meds at first, it feels bad.  But, once you get through the bad feeling, you will feel much better, no irritability, able to get a good nights sleep, clearer thinking and oh, yeah, no more behaviour that wrecks your life!  It's worth a bad patch for a little while, hell you're going to have them anyway, even if you don't take the meds! 

Internists shouldn't be treating bipolar, it's much to complicated for their education, they are not really educated on mental illnesses.  They can diagnose, then on to the pdoc you go.   There is a "cocktail" of meds for us, one never gets it.  A stabilizer for mania, some type of antidepressant (NOT AN SSRI!!!!) like welbutrin or Lamictal, and something to sleep, like Seroquel or Zyprexa or Risperdal.  And some need an additional antianxiety med to take on an as needed basis.  All the meds have different effects on different people, so trial and error is a must to find what works for you. 

I'm going to give you a very informative link to read about it.   You MUST educate yourself, or you probably won't get too far in the success department.  Docs don't know which med will work for you personally, so study up.  Learn to recognize the symptoms you are having.  If something isn't working, don't continue to take it!  Call the doc!  You will need to be in very frequent contact with your pdoc, esp in the beginning, because odds are things won't just get better by magic.

Please take the time to read ALL of this, it's the best site out there on bipolar disorder.

And please stick around here, we're the best bunch of people to be with  and get support from; you will need that big time in the begining.  Hell, I've been BP for 25 years and I need it now more than I did then!  (Of course, because then I "didn't have BP"), lol.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm#intro

Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/11/2005 2:53 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh, and Portia, one more thing (well there are millions more but for right now!) - realize this:

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!  You didn't ask for it, it is actually a physical disorder in the brain, it is just located where our emotions/behaviours are ruled.  It is not the result of a weak mind, or intentional bad behaviour.  You cannot help it even if you try when it gets bad, because you aren't thinking clearly.  To you, everything you do can be justified.  It's everybody else that has the problem!  They just don't want you to be happy!   They just want you to be miserable and bored, just like them! 

It is permanent and gets worse with age.  True many people will think your full of s***, that you're just making excuses.  They are the stupid ones, ignore them. 


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/11/2005 3:08 PM (GMT -7)   

No offense here , I was laughing about you thinking of Robin Williams. Anyways, you said something that struck me as odd or maybe you aren't well aware of. I am also completely functional. I am 27 , real close to 28 , and dx with Bipolar. I am a rapid cycler. I have great minitues sometimes great days , filled with tons of energy , almost to the point of not being able to slow my self down. Then there is the fact that I can hit major depression and not function for a few days. So I go all kinds of ways. Shannon and Sandra on this board are also rapid cyclers, it is severe. Let's use Shannon as an example, she has been stable for quite some time until recently she hit a few bad days, almost a week. Normally she is the one we are trying to be like, as far as reaching that stable farm. lol Anyways, another example , a few of us all at the same time hit hard, I crashed, couldn't even function for a few days, this being after I came off a high ( mania). It can all be confusing. We are all different, some different dx's , some worked for many yrs. and had to quit, others still working , others like me go full time to college. So you may of thought we had a general sterotype , but trust me we are all diffferent. I am happy, sad, depressed, manic , hypomanic, tons of energy , great sleep or the lack there of, angry, strong opininated and EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND, COMPREHEND, AND GET ALONG WITH all in one day sometimes.

So with that said, I hope you are not BP. I can honestly say though you do show all the signs of being BP unfortunately, although I have been wrong before. Thinking one was not and they turned out to be. Get a very knowledgeable pdoc , maybe even who specializes in Bipolar.  Meds constantly need readjusted , i have went through just about all of them.Well pretty close, and if need be I will. Stress brings out alot of difficulty with Bp, I think that is my problem lately on top of a cold. I am also a mother of a 3 yr old, so it can get real stressful, but I try to delegate things appropiately and kick the he** outta my kickbag. lol i currently take Topamax 200mg and wellbutrin 150mg and an occasional ativan. I did see you couldn't take Topamax, well if it's not working try others. I personally didn't like Topamx at first , but then as I increased ( via doc), it started working more efficiently. Good Luck and keep us posted. I see you go to the pdoc soon! Remember sometimes it could take awhile to get your actual dosage. If you don't think you have BP, what do you think is going on? I often ask myself that question , when I am in denial of having BP. I say then you think all of this sh** is normal, then I am like ok, get back to reality. That is just me though. Again i think you will like it here and find some valuable information. Nickie :-)   


Putter
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 9/12/2005 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   

Portia - never a need for apologies here. Welcome.

I have to say - I'm with Shannon and Nickie. Sounds like you need a second opinion. I had all of your symptoms and I felt most of the same things (including the comparions to Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, etc. etc). I was always convinced that I was just lazy, or tired, or stressed, or {insert other random excuse} and that's why I was always consistently inconsistent in my behaviour. I put off talking to anyone for years and its only hurt me more in the end. It was the best thing could have happened - being conclusively diagnosed so that I could make things right. I was completely functional, but at great expense since it took such an effort for me to keep up with everyone else (at work, school, etc.). Being constantly up and down is exhausting on a body and takes its toll. Its hard making up for all the inconsistent behaviour - the bouts of incredible energy usually only last long enough for you to take on more than you can handle and then have to work twice as hard when you're down to keep up.

Sounds like you should get a second opinion and see what another doc/pdoc says about your sleep cycles and energy levels. It can be a challenge to sort it all out, but its worth the effort in the end to find out exactly what's happening, whether it be BP or not. The medicines you were prescribed are pretty finicky things that need special attention and should be addressed by a specialist.

Good luck with the search,

Putter


portia
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/12/2005 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello again everyone,

I just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to give me all that input.  It is really appreciated. It is true I am in some sort of denial stage. I just thought it might be menopause. I am a 51 year old Grandmother of 4.  And I thought that maybe menopause just hit me really hard.  But looking back I have been this way since my 20's.  No I have never really done any reading on the subject, when my Dr. (internist) hit me with this news I was in total shock!  I guess I have been giving her clues all along and she finally put 2 and 2 together.  She does want me to go to the pdoc.  I have one that specializes in BP.  Everything everyone said is Soooo me.  I have days where I am on top of the world, actually I feel like I could run for President. And I enjoy it.  I think to myself  that Im going to be OK now If I could just stay like this.  And then I go down again where I have to go to bed at 6 or 7 pm just to catch up on sleep.  I also EAT anything that isnt nailed down on those days. the cravings are awful.  I always find myself doing a lot of damage control at work because of something I said.  ( of course it was their fault  lol)  Im just having such a hard time with meds I literallly felt if I took another pill I would lose my mind. Thank you all again.  I see you are a wonderful group of people. I feel like I am in the right place. I hope I didnt offend anyone by saying that Im completely functional..  Sometimes I say things and they come out wrong. As far as I know there is no BP in my family.  Thats one of the questions the internist asked me. My mother and brother suffer from Major depression though. I dont know if that has anything to do with it.

Stay well

Portia


kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/12/2005 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello again, and no you didn't offend anyone. I only said that about being completely functional to explain that yeah sure we can be at times, although with amny difficulties. I have a question for you, when you are at work do you ever think you are over achieving at your job, and others are slow and never really foot all their duties? I noticed that only because I was on here posting one day and me and Shannon had that typical response. So I thought maybe it is common with BP. ? Funny how you thought you could be president, you can't I ma about to be.LOL Imagine that a BP president and the spur of the moment decisions that you could possibly make. Well for me, sometimes i think I could do a better job, I guess that is normal. If I were President I would.... haha Anyways, I am really glad you found us here at healing well. When i first joined this forum was pretty slow, now it's great. Full of Beepers. One more thing I also find myself doing damage control. I think lately I have said some pretty hurtful things and just been plain rude. I kick myself in the head for it too, well not all the time. devil trust you me, I know about the eating thing...I am trying to work on that, I have to be extra careful do to my diabetes. ( I really don't like to talk about it too much though) Sad really, too young to have it! nono   Anyhow, hope you stay with us , we are here for support! nickie

Arenace
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 249
   Posted 9/12/2005 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Portia, I'm the Sandra that Nickie mentioned. She's right, there really aren't any stereotypes with BP. Well, at least not regarding how we spend our days/nights!! LOL I am one of the ones that still has a full time job. And Putter is oh so right, no need for apologies here, believe me I have said some really a**inine stuff here!!! We all have bad days and good days and blah days and and and....and so the cycle goes. As Nickie pointed out, she, Shannon and I are rapid cyclers, so you never know from one minute to the next what we may be on about!! But, this is one of the bonds we share. Each of us here knows what it is like to be new at this, to be frightened of what being BP may mean, of what other people will suddenly think of you, of all the questions you'll have about meds. Just ask Portia, we're listening.

Sandra

BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs


psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/13/2005 4:30 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi, Portia -

I didn't realize you were the age that you are; if you are bipolar, perimenopause will add TONS of moodiness to it!   OMG!

I know it's a personal choice, but are you taking HRT?  For the sake of your moods you should at least consider it; talk to your doc about it.   I started perimenopause early, and I take it; god it saved me!  Meds alone weren't working very well.  We are extremely sensitive to PMS and menopausal symptoms, too.  Like we need another excuse to flip out, lol.

Yeah, when I joined this place was pretty dead, but we all got to be really good friends and now I am addicted to everybody here, lol.

They are finding that even having a family history of depression is enough to develop BP.  More often there is another BP in the family somewhere, but when you grew up (and me, darn!) many BPs went undiagnosed, they were just the "black sheep", or the troublemaker.  But, of course many of them did get it bad and were institutionalized.  That happened to a few of my relatives; several of my grandmas siblings shot themselves.  My 44 year old cousin shot herself in the head a couple of years ago.  My grandmother suffered clinical depression all her life, wouldn't take the meds of course, my father is BP but won't get treatment, he thinks a big bottle of scotch a day is the key; my mom's depressed and an alcoholic, and my aunt on her side is BP.  Whew.  I think that's all of them that I know of. eyes

Yeah, like Nickie said, we tend to be way overachievers - as long as it's something we;re interested in, lol, if not, forget about it.   Have you ever been fired for things you said?   I have many times.   Earlier on, of course, I did learn to just say horrible things to other people about people I didn't like, mostly management, lol.  I can't work anymore, I just got too sick, psychotic episodes too often, they are triggered by the stress of working (nurses OMG, wayyyyy to stressful).  I did adore my career and was darn good at it.  My pdoc told me for 3 years to stop it, but I wouldn't.  I just kept ending up in the hospital or missing at least a day a week because I was physically sick, throwing up or severe migraine because I couldn't face it again that day.  I finally said "bob's your uncle", lol.  Now I never get sick, migraines, stomach problems or anything.  I do like my life now.  Oh, that and I finally admitted I had a problem and got on meds.  But, it's still very fragile, we have to learn to baby ourselves, no substances, routine sleep schedules, good food, regular exercise, daily routine and constant contact with the pdoc if anything starts to become "off".  It's like another full time job, lol.  Oh, and the msot important part:  my poor husband finally gets an adoring, sweet, ass kissing wife after he lived in hell for 10 years, including me running off with a guy I knew for 2 weeks and causing us to become bankrupt from charging up 35K in a period of about 3 months.  Drug addiction and alcoholism and treating him like s*** in general, too.  I'm sure there are other things, but that's the worst of it.  Believe me, now he's in heaven!  Yay!

Are you married?  Yeah, BP symtpoms really show their ugly head in the 20's for most; mine started in kindergarten, and progressively got worse from there.   I am type I, full mania with psychosis (hearing voices, smelling things that aren't there, seeing shadows, thinking you have special connections with god or that you have special powers that others do not, etc).   Type II is a bit milder, with hypomania and no psychosis but still very dangerous and will ruin your life if you're not on meds. 

Have you done anything seriously wrong as a result?  If you don't want to share, don't, not being nosy, but msot of us have some type of story.  Have you been having a harder time of it lately?  Probably, it's also very seasonal, fall and spring make it worse, either the lack of light or the increase in light directly affects stability.

OK, gotta go now, but look forward to hearing from you!  I'm so gald you found a pdoc specializing in BP; that is a godsend, because it's really complex and different for every single person, esp. how we react to the meds.   I just wish they all kept up on it, but most don't.

 


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key

Post Edited (psychnurse) : 9/13/2005 5:33:08 AM (GMT-6)


portia
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/15/2005 4:35 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello everyone,

I had to come and check in tonight and say hello. I thank you all again for responding to me.  this has all been a little over whelming for me.  The more I read the more I just read about myself ... and all the time I always Knew I was different. I always felt different from other people but I just thought that was MY normal.  Does that make any sense?? I am definatly an over achiever.  I always excell in anything I do.  I get big raises at work because I can work like a banchee.  However... I have always had to take jobs that were entry level because I would always say to myself " I dont really thing I would do well at this job... too much responsibility...dont know how I will feel day to day... )  Isnt that sad.  I have journals documenting my sleep patterns, my moods, my outbursts,  I even have names for my bad days.  I used to call it " Having bricks in my head".. I would say today I have bricks in my head... that meant I couldnt pick my head up off the desk and nobody better come near me if they know whats good for them.  I just kept thinking on my up days, If I could figure this pattern out I will be ok.. I did this for years.. How sad.  Oh my gosh yes I do take HRT  I tried to get off recently because I just had open heart surgery in May.  I dont want to bore you guys with a long medical history but I had a stent put in an artery with a 95% blockage ... well that closed up on me and they had to do a bypass.  I cant even tell you  what the surgery has done to me I think I have a touch of PTSD.  Any way went back on the hrt.  Couldnt be with out it.

The topomax I took for the first time when I was on a low.  the Doc (internist) said it threw me into a deeper depression. It was during the hurricane time and I remember saying to myself why are all these people talking to me about this hurricane... I dont give a rats A@# about no hurricane.  This is not like me.  I really care about people.  I was so apathetic it was frightening. I quit the topomax.  I am doing energizer bunny me this week so I decided to take the topomax again.  this very same pill that made me so depressed made me actually feel better I slept good.. Still a little wired today. But I took a valium also.  gotta sleep tonight.  I have so much to say  Sorry its all about me  but as soon as I get used to all this I will hope to get to know you all better and be more active.   I made a mistake also My internist appt is the 20th . the Pdoc is Oct. 6.

I really dont even know why I said Im completely functional. Truthfully I dont have a clue as to how I have held a job for as long as I have.  I have been fired twice.  And come close many times.  They label me as difficult.  My daughter discribes me to her friends as "mean".  That hurts me.  Im really not. I mean I know I am but very regrettfull.

Sorry hope this was not too long. 

Patti


psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/15/2005 6:01 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh, for petes sake don't apologize!   How are we supposed to get to know if you if you DON'T talk about yourself?   Typical BP, always apologizing. eyes   (me, too lol)

Yeah, you're a BP, alright.  Super producer, consistently almost perfect, blow away other people at work, promotions, raises, being difficult at work, getting fired for that,  etc.  I think we all have, lol!

Yeah also the topamax or any stabilizer should be started when MANIC, not depressed!!!!!!!  Geez, who did that????   Is there any way you can move up your pdoc appt?  Or maybe find another one who can see you sooner?   Unless you're on Topamax now, then ok, at least youre being medicated.   I used to think the same thing, I thought something was wrong with me since elementary school, just coldn't fit in, coulnd't be like the others no matter how hard I tried.   So, I settled for the "wild chic" reputation.  Not ****ty (yet, lol), but wild and crazy and fun.  It was hard to keep up tho, when darkness reared its head, hard to explain to people, ya know?  Finally, like you I just decided it was my normal, my personality and not much I could do to change it, acting wasn't too effective and it was too exhausting!

Ask your IM doc about getting some Seroquel to sleep, it's not a benzo so it doens't have the depressant effect like valium et al.  It helps with mania big time and you WILL sleep I guarantee it! 

I am soooooo glad you wrote back!  It's great to hear from you, we always look forward to new people!

Shannon


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/16/2005 6:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello, yep I am too suprised they prescribed you topamax when you were depressed. That's not right. Anyways, i take topamax, it has ( for me), never made me depressed, usually i feel better... sometimes i am just here , and other days I feel like a calm me. I take 200mg of topamax, but I noticed early on that it helps me sleep a whole lot better. But if i get off of my sleep schedule then i feel it the next day. Have to go to bed at the same time each night. I don't really fall into a more depressed or manic side, I mainly just stay hypomanic for a few days then I crash and feel like for a few days, then right back to hypo. I see my doc today, I am not sure i want to take anything else. Well see what he think, and what type of mood i am in. It's raining here, so I feel like staying in bed.Good Luck to ya, Nickie .....I also think in general that Bp's can be mean and say things that we later regret more often than normal people. I am constantly getting called mean , i think it's mistaken for accurately being overly honest. It's luntness in it's rarest form. I mean why can't I say what I am thiking at the time when someone asks me... They asked I am just telling them. My mom hates that about me. I guess I should be a little more kind and sensitive. i am both , but usually I am the other.

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 9/18/2005 1:03:15 AM (GMT-6)


portia
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/16/2005 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi guys,

Yup, feelin really great these days, That topomax is some pretty good stuff. My stupid internist put me on that when I was on a super downer.  Shes lucky I just didnt jump off a building.

 I am sleeping now and getting up and feeling like a rocket. I think im still a little hyper. Taking only 25mg of topomax. I take a valium a night also 5 mg  I will ask the pdoc about the seroquel.  I tried to get a sooner appt.  I told them to please put me on a waiting list. He said he would. I have all these interesting papers to fill out.. They want to know about child hood trauma.  and all kinds of other things. 

I realize now the weird things that I do.  Last night during dinner right in the middle of a bite that I put in my mouth I jumped up and went out on the deck to cut the flower buds off to save the seeds. I wanted to get them in before it rained and got them all wet.  My husband said to me " why dont you finish eating first".  I never sit still.  never.  Untill I crash. I am very afraid of my next episode. 

I have been married for 29 years last month.  My poor husband just takes care of me.  Makes excuses for me and thinks I am completely normal.  When I come crawling up the stairs from work when I can barely walk or hold my head up he takes me and puts me to bed.  He has been doing this forever.  I love him. 

I have been having lots of computer problems lately ...browser crashes. I have spyware running and everything.. might have some corrupt files.  May have to get a new computer .  I have to keep doing a system restore to get my browser back.  So if I disapear for awhile you will know why.  But it wont be for long Ill just get a new computer.

Take care

patti

 


psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/17/2005 4:45 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh, no!  Another Patti!  Now we have two Shannons and two Pattis!  Well, we call Patti I Pats, so that will help lol.

Anyhoo Patti, I did/do the same thing about eating, lol, but not with dinner anymore.  When I eat alone, for sure.  When I'm hyper, of course.

I am soooo glad you have a wonderful and supporting husband, god we all need that.  Me too, he's wonderful.  I dont think I would be here if it weren't for him, I really mean that.  Curious, you said he thinks your normal; have you told him your diagnosis?  What did he say?  

I used to have that awful spyware to, but I downloaded Spybot and Adaware, they are free and when you run them they find spyware and eliminate them, you should go to their sites and DL them.   I though I needed a new computer too, but not anymore.
 
Oh, there is a new one, a 5 star rated spyware AND trojan virus detector among others called spyware doctor - here's the address to DL it's free too:  http://www.pctools.com/
 
I hope we hear from you today, how are you feeling?



Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key

Post Edited (psychnurse) : 9/17/2005 5:53:32 AM (GMT-6)


SevernBP
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/20/2005 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello,

I was reading all of your posts, and I just needed to join in! I feel so lost! I was diagnosed with ADHD, BP, and OCD. The Pdoc put me on Lamictal, ritalin, and Seroquel. I could not tan, gained weight, and became depressed. So he switched me to Topamax. I read so much stuff about it being called Stupimax. That part scares me because I need to be fairly brilliant to carry out my job. So far I do not feel that effect, but it does not make me eat everything that is not nailed down as the seroquel did. I was so afriad to tan with the Lamictal due to some sort of rash. Personally, I think I have PMDD since I am mean two weeks out of the month! I really can get some nasty mood swings before and during my period. Could I be in BP denial, could I have a Pdoc who just wants to make some money from me? I pretty much tell him the meds I want, and he prescribes it! Can any one tell me about similar experiences? I can get so mean. My husband has been a real gem to put up with me!


psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/21/2005 5:46 AM (GMT -7)   

Well, you haven't mentioned any of your symptoms so far, only your diagnoses, so we can't tell if you're in denial or not.   How long ago did you start taking meds?   How did you feel other than hungry?  Most importantly, what were the symtpoms that  drove you to get help in the first place except PMDD. 

BP and depression make PMS much much worse.  PMDD really doesn't occur without some type of mental illness/disorder.  The hormonal fluctuations just intensify moods that are already unstable.  We all have terrible PMS, usually one good week per month.


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


Arenace
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 249
   Posted 9/21/2005 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Gee Shannon, you have one good week, you lucky girl you......I don't think you have any idea how glad I was that all my equipment had to go bye bye!!! Sounds strange, but it was a happy happy day.....Didn't cure the BP darnit, but it cured a whole spectrum of other bit**es that I had!!LOL

Sandra

BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs


kittycat27
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 438
   Posted 9/21/2005 7:19 AM (GMT -7)   

Okay, what is PMDD? Shannon don't make me google it. Anyways, welcome Severn Bp.I am so glad to see all the new people , it just makes more active and you get more feedback. about the topamax, yeah I used to tell Shannon if I get those stupimax symptoms me and Topamax, are over. lol I take 200 mg a day , combined with my wellbutrin, and so far no stupid, unless I am having a blonde moment.I go to college, so that defo. would not be appropiate. It is great fro suppressing the appetite , rather than eating all in site. However, when i am depressed, it doesn't matter, I am a eater. My fault, it's how I deal with the overwhelming darknesss I feel. But heck being a rapid cycler, I don't stay that way very long. How long you been dx with BP?

Portia, topamax is really great about getting to sleep. It actually put me , originally on a slepping pattern. If I didn't go to bed ata certain time, I would start to feel completely tired. Soon I would be faling asleep. It was great to when I started on such a small dose , the efffects on the med really started to work. In case you don't know, when you do increase , the pins and needles effect is common , like the tingling in the face or hands, it usually goes away within a few days of the increase. I abosolutely love it , it works for me. I do however might need to take a smaller dose of the wellbutrin , not sure at this point . I haven't figured it out. Anyways, can't remember who said there doc pretty much gives them whatever they want, that is not a good doc. I make suggestions , yeah sure to my doc, but ultimately I do what he says, because it is beneficial for me to be well, not stubborn. I used to try and do that, and he would come back witha different prescrp. lol I was so bossy and it always failed.

 So I wish you both best and stay around , aand let us know how your doing. Nickie 


psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/21/2005 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   

OH, yeah I was even MORE of a monster during PMS time.  My period was the only time I was good.  But now I take HRT and my meds and have absolutely no symptoms at all, in fact I am suprised when my period comes every month, I get no warning emotionally.

PMDD is recognized as a legit disorder in the DSM IV; it is believed that there is always an underlying illness or personality disorder with it.  Also, it seems that most sufferers were abused as kids.  Funny, all the BPs so far that have written in do complain of either verbal, mental physical or sexual abuse. 

The treatment unfortunately is SSRIs, which we shouldn't be taking and that includes SNRIs.    Serefem is a new one, all it is is Prozac repackaged with a new patent by Eli Lilly, and Zoloft has been approved for it too.  

LOL Nickie, I have always "bargained" with my pdoc and she gives me what I want.  First, she will tell me what will happen, then writes it, then it happens, then I take what SHE wants me too!   She said all BPs do that.  So she uses the "give 'em enough rope to hang themselves" approach.  God, I love her.  (I don't usually do that anymore, tho lol).


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


SevernBP
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/22/2005 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all of the encouragement!  I probably have it all, BP- the whole nine yards. I come from a family of many "colors"- a broad spectrum. I am so nice to outsiders. Every year, at my company picnic, my boss asks my husband "Is your wife always so nice at home". My husband just laughs! I just get so moody, mean, I can be so hateful! I can have the nastiest outbusrts ever, in a flash. I have told my husband i wanted a divorce over something so supid. I have left him twice when I was feeling on top of the world only to come crawling back when I realized how good I had it...ok, yeah, I would say that is pretty BP.... I would lose weight and feellike I was a model, gain weight and feel like henrieeta the ugly hippo..Also, I had a thyroid removal two years ago, I take synthyroid, I know thyroids can also make mood disorders worsen so without one that can also create BP symptoms. I am currently taking the Topamax. I am up to 75 (3 per day/25 mg)- would wellbutrin combo cause me to gain weight? I know that sounds vain, but weigh gain depresses me, and I am an overeater anyway.  yeah yeah yeah

Arenace
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 249
   Posted 9/23/2005 12:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Tomamax doesn't make me hungry at all and as far as I know wellbutrin is also not a weight gainer. I have a tumor in my thyroid and so was on synthroid for a while (hypo as he**) I loved it!!!! Not mean that time!!! You and I seem to have a lot in common though!!! I take Abilify, Topamax and Lexapro. Not sure why I take Lexapro (SSRI) but that is what the pdoc insists on since I can't take wellbutrin, makes me meaner!!! Nothing that I take causes weight gain, thank god.

Good Luck to you, stay well.

Sandra

BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs


psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/23/2005 4:27 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi, SevernBP -

Your combo doesn't cause weight gain, in fact welbutrin has been known to reduce appetite.  I take it too.  And topomax has a weight loss effect for many people.

I take Trileptal, Abilify, Seroquel, Lamictal and Welbutrin, none of them cause weight gain.  Dont apologize for being "vain", lol, I'm the queen of vain!!!!!!  AFter gaining 55 pounds on zyprexa and depakote, i went off those, like I needed a reason to be depressed!!!!!!   I was severely underweight when I started meds (5'9" and 103 lbs), so my pdoc put me on them to gain weight, but it happened so fast I didn't even realize it, because I was out of it most of the time in teh beginning anyway.  Anyhoo, I switched to the above combo, refused to take anything that would cause weight gain, I worked out and watched what I ate and lost 25 pounds.  Now I look healthy and slim, and I continue to lead a healthy lifestyle, so it won't come back!  I feel sooooo much better than I ever have.  (Turning 40 will MAKE you more vain, lolol).  I always recommend to EVERYONE that they make exercise at LEAST every other day a priority, it helps tremedously with mood.  Oh, and of course eating healthy, reasonable portions of food. 

Your lack of thyroid isn't affecting the bipolar as long as your doseage of Synthroid is therapeutic level, get your  blood tested every 6 months or so.   Untreated thyroid problems, oh, yes!   Make matters SO much worse.  Studies have shown that BPs suffer very often from thyroid problems and migraines.


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


portia
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/25/2005 11:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
I have been having computer difficulties. My browser is no longer working I had to join the alternate world of "firefox". I no longer use IE, (Internet Explorer). Bill Gates can stick it up his you know what. ANywho I am up and running ...for now that is. Even cleared out 185 infections and that didnt work.
Been having a difficult time lately. Went to the internist. She is very proud of me because I am sticking with the topamax. I am currently on 75mg all day. Working my way up to 100. I had a real bad day yesterday. Was up every 2 hours during the night Friday night. Couldnt function Saturday all day. This Topamax does not seem to help me sleep at all. I just upped the dose today. I take 25 in the morning and 50 at night.(I am following instructions to the letter) I slept a little better last night.
I have talked to my husband about all this and he seems to just shut down. He says things like " Well, I just think you are a little hyper thats all." And then when I come home from a day when I have barely gotten by at work. And I am crawling up the stairs and I am not functioning at all, he says things like " Your just tired, thats all". And I say to him "This is no way to live" We have been having this same conversation for the past 25 years. Its pathetic! Now that I know whats wrong with me. No one wants to talk about it. I myself have been overwhelmed. I am scared to death of my Pdoc appt coming up Oct 6.
Just having a hard time. Cried last night. Nervous and scared. I find a pdoc very intimidating. Like under the microscope type thing.
everyone stay well
Patti,
maybe I should do patty with a y or an i to distinguish who I am??? Yes?

portia
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/25/2005 11:16 AM (GMT -7)   
omg, dont even get me started about weight gain...I am so terrified about getting something that will make me gain weight.. sorry but I wont take it. I am already having a problem now I dont need anything that will add to that problem , me and the pdoc will have to have a serious talk about that. 2 1/2 years ago I lost 70 lbs, because I had sleep apnea, and heart disease. Cannot afford to gain wt. I will freak out and we will have a more serious problem on our hands. Yesterday because of a very poor nights sleep on Friday I ate two 8 oz bags of m & m's. I have a chocolate hang over today. Needless to say this is not good for me. The Topamax does not seem to help me in this area either. Maybe my dose is not high enough.

psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/25/2005 12:36 PM (GMT -7)   
There are medications now that don't do what lith and depakote do with the weight - trileptal and abilify are two.   If you need an antipsychotic, seroquel is very effective and doesn't do the weight gain in the majority of people.  Of course, you have to stop binging on chocoloate and exercise, too! yeah
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key

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