Anxiety/Panic issues-Scared

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Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/13/2005 8:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Does anyone else have severe panic attacks?  This morning it was so bad I couldn't type.  I've had some wheezing and pleurisy (I guess) and this morning I had myself half convinced I have lung cancer.  Totally flipped out.  WTF?  My ribs were hurting so bad on one side that I couldn't draw a deep breath last night so I took a vicodin to help me sleep (I think that stuff causes nightmares)  and now I don't know how long I have to wait until I can take a klonopin.  So now I'm all over the place and probably making no sense at all.
Its odd too, usually when its dark and cloudy, I have wonderful calm days.  I should move back to Sea/Tac.  today though I'm just a freaking disaster. 
I just want to go back to the Dr.  Get all the issues figured out so I can get on some med I can afford.  I can't take this any longer.  I don't care about the financial issues, I need help.  I just want to calm down.  I've been so much better for the last week or two and now its like something just exploded in my head this morning.  I can't fight this. I'm so D**N TIRED of trying to hold this together all by myself.  Noone is taking this seriously.  I'd rather be in the hospital than feel like this.  How bad does this have to get before someone cares?
I've felt so positive lately.  So much for that!  I went back and read some of my recent posts and it's like it was someone else.   

psychnurse
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Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/13/2005 9:31 AM (GMT -7)   

I'm soooo glad you're sick of it!   I guess everybody has to get there in their own time.  As for everybody elses' opinion, f*** 'em.  YOU'RE what's important.  Like I always say, some people choose to be ignorant.  To learn different would mean they are wrong.  They value their ignorance over the health and welfare of loved ones who suffer this, it's tragic.  But dont let their ignorance stop you from getting help, please.

You need a Klonopin immediately.  The vicodin you took last night wore off in teh middle of the night.  Actually, I'm not telling you to do this, but you can take both at the same time.   Panic attacks are common in BPs, I have them too, when I'm surrounded by crowds or too close to someone I don't know and can't get away.    Klonopin is great for them.

Take a "chill pill" and get on the phone and FIND A darn DOCTOR!  TODAY!   Nothing is ever going to change Ellie.  You are either up or down.  There is no middle of the road, and when we think there is, we are only on the way up, or down.   Face it, hon, you're sick and it isn't "all in your head".


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/13/2005 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Alittle better now. You're right. I need to do something. I've felt I've been more stable the last couple of weeks but I've been snappy as all h***. Taking it out on everyone. Freaking out on the tooth extraction, doing the whole food paranoia thing (another story entirely), guess I've been on the verge of a meltdown and just didn't want to see it. The dr. told me to go back on the abilify and klonopin almost a week ago but I was taking the vicodin after the dental extraction and afraid to do it. The PA told me to wait until after I finished with the vicodin.
I'm so emotionally exhausted Shannon, I've been fighting this all my life. I know you have too. How am I going to do this forever? I feel isolated in this. I've never been a social person. My only real friend lives 8 hours away and I don't think my family thinks this is real. I rarely go out except to the grocery store or to let the 2 yr old play outside. I've almost completely closed myself off over the years. I don't want people to see me as I really am. I strive to give off the image of always being in control when inside all is chaos.
I'm not maintaining that image well anymore. Haven't with my family in years. My daughter asked my to keep my grandaughter all day today instead of picking her up at daycare at 5:30 and I said no. I almost NEVER say no. I just can't do it today.
I spent countless hours of my childhood sitting in the back of a dark closet trying to disappear, I feel like that now. The urge to fade away, to hide from reality that has become far too much to deal with. I'm afraid this is forever. I read the posts here where everyone is still having difficulty despite meds. I KNOW this is forever.
I'm making an appt. tomorrow morning. Have to figure out my daughters work schedule so she can watch my little one. I feel like this has beaten me.

psychnurse
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Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/13/2005 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   

 Not sure if you mean how can you do the med thing forever, but if that's what you meant, how are you going to struggle with instability forever?   I'm sure I've told you this, but are you aware that it's not only forever, it gets progressively worse? 

You have a choice.  Either accept the reality of the situation and deal with it, or suffer.   Yes, it takes some time sometimes to find the right mix of meds, but the payoff is worth it.  And yes, we are all struggling, this time of year everybody does, fall and spring.   But the rest of the year is good.  YOu've never been stable, you don't know what it feels like.  I was exactly like you, exactly.  Denial, keeping my mania, trying to appear normal.  It doesn't work, period.  And look what happened, I practically destroyed my life.  Don't wait for other people to "approve" you to get better.  You are always talking about being strong, yet you are not strong, because you depend on other people's attitudes to rule whether YOU get help or not, meanwhile complaining and suffering all the while.   Sorry to be blunt, but when we're sick, we don't make sense, can't see what is happening. 

You dont have to keep dealing with your episodes.  None of us that take meds are screaming at people at home.  Trying to hide from the world.  It is never picture perfect, but it's a darn site better than what you're feeling. 

I don't know how much plainer we can put it.  You have a choice.  You CAN afford it if it's important, you just have to cut back on something, dare I say computer games??? 

You take pain pills for your aches and pains.  Klonopin for your anxiety.  Yet, you think you're weak if you take meds for your very serious mental illness?  WTF!?   Pill are pills, regardless of what they are for.  Just take your meds and this time STICK with it!  yes, you will lose your high, but at best it's a couple of days every once in a while of truly feeling good, otherwise you're angry, out of control, can't handle every day stresses, yelling at your kids, they deserve better and so do you.  You will see ALLL of this when you get stable, but you never will know how good it feels unless you do it. 

I'm glad you're going to see a doc, but I really wish you would see a pdoc, they are just better with reluctant BPs.   And yes, it has beaten you, it always will, every time.  You cannot control the moods, no matter what you do on your own.

I hope I havent pissed you off, you know I'm blunt, I did try to be easy, trust me, lol.  Just realize how very serious this is, it's your life and your childrens, too.


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/13/2005 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I guess I haven't wanted it bad enough. Maybe my "complaints" are better off kept to myself.

Arenace
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 249
   Posted 9/13/2005 3:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Ellie, It isn't a matter of "keeping them to yourself" but if you won't get help then all our advice and listening won't help you a bit. We are here for you, but you have to be there for yourself, and you aren't. We can wan't help for you, urge you to see a pdoc, urge you to get the meds you need, but if in the end you are not going to listen then.......

Shannon is right. You have to want it for you, not just us wanting it for you.

Sandra

BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs


Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/14/2005 11:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry for snipping yesterday. I was in a very bad place and wasn't particularly open to constructive criticism. Back on meds this morning and Dr. appt is made for friday. Dont really like the sedation effect of the meds until I get used to them, but anything is better than yesterday. Truly don't think I'll survive that again. And shannon, it isn't so much being afraid of losing the high. I'm desperately afraid of the crash and we know thats coming. (Although I think I might miss the highs just a little) I don't think my marriage will survive it. My marriage isn't going to survive these mood swings anyway though, so we'll see just what kind of stuff the hubby's made of. If he walks again, so be it. I love him but I'm not going to let this thing destroy me so I don't stress the marriage. Again, sorry and thanks. A hard truth is always better than an easy lie. Ellie

stox4pat
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 9/14/2005 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Come on Ellie. You, and me know that u r throwing yourself a pity party by saying "maybe my complaints are better off kept to myself". Ellie we ALL do that. Even Jennifer Aniston has said it has helped her heal w/her divorce. It is human nature. You know that is NOT true. Honey, its just like Shan and Sandra are trying to explain to you, YOU need to WANT help. If you dont, it will not work anyhow. I, personally am glad that u have had it with the disease. That is the first step in getting help and therefore getting better. Please understand nobody is upset w/you. Shannon and Sandra are TRYING to help you. Dont push us away. Thrive on the fact that WE care about you, and all we want is for YOU to care about yourself enough to get the required help.PLEASE try to understand, and lets turn that frown upside down!

Be well my dear,
Patti
Epilepsy (31 years)  Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 
 
Colitis (5years)  Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05  I AM IN REMISSION SINCE 2 DAYS AFTER I STARTED THE ENTOCORT EC!!!
 
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
 
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
 
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote
 
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day 
 
Prescription pre-natal vitamins w/iron. THE BEST..my hair stopped thinning and my nails are not spltting, also the iron is needed for my anemia                                                                                                                                          


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/14/2005 11:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks hon, we must have posted at the same time. Things are better today. As I said in my earlier post. Appt, made and back on meds. She may change them on friday but she may not and I can't wait till then.

stox4pat
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 9/14/2005 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Ellie!!! I am sooooooo glad to hear u were just having a bad day. We are here for you and we must have been posting at the same time..so hope u r not mad at me ;~) I am talking about my above post. Hon, you have always been so nice and been there for me (as has EVERYONE on this Forum), and U will not get rid of me, no matter how hard u try..lol!!! Ellie, I know I p*** you off when I refer to your husband and how much I would like to kill him for his irresponsibilities. But, baby, just think of the rest of us, we all have good husands that try their darndest to understand and it seems, meds or not, we feel better than you do. So, yes, this is a DISEASE, but u need a great support system. Not people (again no offense, your hubbie) that dont even attempt to educate themselves on your illness. IT IS REAL..not a figment of your imagination. And do not let anyone make u believe it is. You know that I am struggling w/members of my family on the same subject!!! So, I do not speak in vain. Lets get together and see how we can take SOME of the stress of your life off your hands, and w/the proper meds and counseling, you will get better. I am so proud of you for taking the first step. But beware that if we (the group) find out u r not doing your part...you are in big trouble...lol!

Love ya,
Patti ;~)
Epilepsy (31 years)  Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 
 
Colitis (5years)  Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05  I AM IN REMISSION SINCE 2 DAYS AFTER I STARTED THE ENTOCORT EC!!!
 
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
 
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
 
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote
 
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day 
 
Prescription pre-natal vitamins w/iron. THE BEST..my hair stopped thinning and my nails are not spltting, also the iron is needed for my anemia                                                                                                                                          


stox4pat
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 9/14/2005 12:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey ladies...O/T ? look at your squares at the end of the top bar (again, as u all knw I am a tard and clueless to all these things...can u say HOW EMBARRASSING?) Anyway mine has the pencil and what appears to be a "X" mark. You all's have 3 boxes that look like a something w/ a !, one with a thumbs down and one with what appears as a Yield sign with a ! Why am I always so different...I am going to go cry(kidding) If u all know, please share.

Love,
Patti
Epilepsy (31 years)  Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 
 
Colitis (5years)  Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05  I AM IN REMISSION SINCE 2 DAYS AFTER I STARTED THE ENTOCORT EC!!!
 
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
 
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
 
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote
 
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day 
 
Prescription pre-natal vitamins w/iron. THE BEST..my hair stopped thinning and my nails are not spltting, also the iron is needed for my anemia                                                                                                                                          


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/14/2005 12:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Its nice to know someone cares enough to b***h me out. I tried very hard to talk to my husband last night about the situation and the need for the meds etc. I got an Uh huh out of him which I assume means he wasn't listening since he never looked up from the computer. I really don't care. Well, I do, but I'm not going to let it rock my world. I've got to get stable. I feel like this is literally going to kill me if I don't.

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/14/2005 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
you only see that on your own post. Mine appears that way too. I think one is to edit and one to delete but I'm a computer illiterate so thats just a guess.

psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/14/2005 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey, Ellie!   I'm sooooo glad you're taking the reins here!  Good for you!!!!!
 
Hey, if I have to piss you off to get you to do something about it, so be it lol.  It's worth it!  No offense taken.  Since your response this a.m....... I have to admit I was kinda pissed yesterday, but we all know how overly sensitive we can be, it's no biggie, everything is done out of caring here, I believe.  Point is, i wouldn't have spent a half hour typing those posts if I didn't care.  I hate to see BPs suffer, it's not necessary to feel that bad.  Except in the fall, lol.  Oh, and the spring.  OMG I hope I didn't just discourage you, it was a joke!
 
I personally feel like s*** today.  Two really good days in a row, of course I have to pay.  Its just not fair, darn it!  Oh welll, this too shall pass, right?
 
Ellie, after you crash, when you start feeling GOOD, but not hypo good, you may find your husband and you fall in love with each other.  I didn't think it was possible in my case, but OMG.   It did open up a new world for us, no moodiness, no irrational thought patterns, just contentment.  I didn't know that existed, ya know?
 
I hope it's like that for you, it's something to look toward.  But, you have to stick with it and get through the darkness, or you'll never know.  Deal????
 
IF..... your hubbie walks out before you get better, f*** him.  That's defo someone you DON'T need in your life to threaten your mental health and contradict the success of your meds.    I don't supposed he's the type to go to counseling with you?????
 
 
 
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/14/2005 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I did okay last time till I started to crash and then I got scared and quit. Counseling, uh..no probably not. It's okay, I've got to do this anyway. Slept about 3 hours last night I was so upset over the posts. Finally gave it up and got up at 4am. I knew I'd been oversensitive. Again, sorry. It takes alot to make me mad unless I'm snowballing in panic and then I just lash out at everyone. Doesn't make for keeping alot of friends. I spend alot of time in panic. You outta see me in the malls and department stores at Christmas time. I look like a deer in headlights. lol.
Abilify did alot for me last time, till I freaked and quit. I don't know if you had a problem with being paranoid about everything but that was one of the first things to lessen on the drug. Wish me luck hopefully I won't need it.
Ellie

psychnurse
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Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/14/2005 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm glad you had some success with Abilify; I also have the panic and paranoia in public, and god forbid a crowd!   No way, jose.   I could take Klonopin, but I don't like the way it makes me feel, too numbing. 

My pdoc gave me Abilify to take with my current regime last week, but I took 5 mg at bedtime and woke up in a bad mixed episode, the worst ever.  plus, I was throwing my guts up all day.   Not for me, thank you.   Just goes to show you how everybody is differet, huh.

You already apologized and it's ok, hon.  I'm no different when I'm in those moods, I get hurt so easy it's not funny.  Even when I'm in  a GOOD mood, how messed up is that?  And, FYI I think not keeping friends should be on the symptoms lists, too.   I'm no different! 

Important thing is you do it this time, I promise you will feel better. :-)


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/14/2005 3:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Abilify makes me manic for an hour to hour and a half after I first take it and then I even out, kinda weird but I'm told thats not unheard of. No nausa but no appetite either. I have to watch that I have some food issues anyway. Klonopin numbs me as well but today I'm finding that a welcome respite for the hysteria misery I lived through yesterday. Numb is good sometimes. I'm not really happy about sleepy but I didn't sleep much last night so its not just the benzo.
Tried to talk to the hubby a little bit about the situation last night, which is surprisingly hard for me to bring up but I'm not sure he even heard me. I'm not gonna let it get me down. I'm going to do this anyway. Out of the almost 7 years of marriage weve lived together maybe two years of that. Never more than six months at a time. Heck, our six months is almost up anyway.lol. Seriously, Id like it to work out very much, but we've never been in that stable a relationship anyway. I can't let that hold me back.

psychnurse
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Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/15/2005 4:15 AM (GMT -7)   

You're right, your well being is more important than your, er, part time marriage.  I just still can't understand how anybody could be so cold.  I;d dump him for sure because you are going to need support, not ridicule.   I'm just afraid that when you get on meds if you start getting low he will be on your ass about that and you'll stop them again.  Can you promise us you wont let him control you?  Just tell him when you finally do get stabilized, you will be an altogether new person that he just might love to death!  I think most all of us are really beautiful, sentitive, loving caring and giving people.    One thing I GUARANTEE:   When you become stable, your self confidence will be much higher and you will see things for what the truly are, and you may decide to "clean house" of all the people who are damaging to you.  I sure did the first time I got stable, which was when i was 25.   Two weeks after starting lithium I kind of just woke up and realized I had been living with an emotionally abusive alcoholic for 3 1/2 years.  I moved out the following week and washed my hands of him.   Of course it was hard, any break up is, but I was sooooooo much happier not to have to constantly worry about it.    I didn't crash that time at all.  But, I was tired on it, and was working full time to support myself (no roommate) and enrolled in full time school, from 5:30 to 10:00 p.m. every single night of the week, with commuting I obvously couldn't get very much sleep, so I stopped it.  Shoudln't have, went back to sleeping with one of the instructors, a couple of classmates, one was 18 (I was 27) lol and that's about all the bad stuff I did at that time, but finished school at the top of my class and started my career.  A year later I met Paul, and thouught thank god I left, otherwise I would still be in that miserable, going nowhere realtionship and I wouldn't have him.  

anyhoo, the rest is history as you know I went on to do very bad things before Paul threated to leave 10 years later unless I got and stayed on meds.  So I did.

Just think about your quality of life as it is now.  It could be better, just try it, you have to give it some time to get the reward, but it's waiting for you, like the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/15/2005 7:38 AM (GMT -7)   
My first husband was a violent drunk that often left me lin fear of my life. The police practically lived at our place for the first two years of our marriage. Then we learned to keep the fights quiet so as not to damage his military career. We had good times too. He was active duty and we traveled extensively, lived in europe for three years etc. Between the fights he was a good guy and that was all he showed to everyone on the outside. It wasn't until we lived in Wisconsin that everything really went to pieces. I had my first real mixed/manic/whatever episode. Bouncing between suicidal depression to frantic pacing to the most terrible anxiety attacks I'd ever had. If we'd had a weapon in the house I wouldn't be here now. I look back on that time with terrible fear. I can never do that again.
He finally drug me in to a Pdoc and I spent the next 6 months in and out of the hospital. He obviously dx me Bp and never said 1 or 2 that I remember. I was on so many drugs that it left me afraid of all of them. For two years after the madness receeded I wouldn't even take a tylenol. Everytime I had a side effect from a med he'd call it a symptom and pile on more drugs. I remember one of the nurses in the hospital looking at my med list and asking one of the others which ones I was currently taking, when she said all of them the other nurse looked dumbfounded and said "no wonder shes here". It left me with a great fear of pdocs. The guy also thought my ex was the best thing since sliced bread. Didn't believe I was afraid of him or that I was being beaten and worse(there are still some things I can't talk about). Shortly after the episode passed we had our 3rd child and I ran like hell when she was a baby. I went a little nuts after the divorce. Promiscuis, drinking, etc. I left the kids with my mom. That should have told me something was wrong right there,I'd never leave my kids with my mom in my right mind. Worked 2 sometimes 3 jobs. I never crashed though. I had people at work ask me where I got my coke. I've never even seen the drug.
I haven't had a serious depression in 15+ years. I slow down, seem normal (to me) but mostly I stay hypomanic. I've had small depressions but nothing thats lasted more than a few days.
I met my current husband at work. He was my boss in fact. He even found me a different job so we could date because I didn't date people I worked with. We've been together for over a decade and married for seven years this month. It's been rocky and we certainly have our issues but sometimes he can be so sweet. I took a klonopin last night before I went to bed. I haven't slept well in so long and this morning he got up and got the kids ready for school and even filled my car up with gas before he went to work. Even agreed that I should go back on the meds and that he'd just get a second job if he needs to. Maybe this is going to work out. I'm really scared Shannon. Oh its easy at first, its just 3 or 4 weeks down the road that its all going to disentegrate.
I'd like to say I know I'll get support at home but I just don't know. I know he's trying. He's had his own issues too though. Supposedly he was dx bp as a teen. I know he doesn't sleep, and he had some kind of breakdown last year when we were separated that he won't talk about. I guess it happened at work and they ended up transfering him when he was able to go back. I know he's trying now. He has good intentions. I'll just have to hope it lasts.
If it doesn't, no, even if it does, I'm really going to need everyone here. I'm going to panic in a few weeks when the depression hits and want to quit. Thats where you come in Shannon. Stick with me. I'm not going to be able to do this alone no matter how bad I want it.
Ellie

psychnurse
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Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/15/2005 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   

God, Ellie, that last sentence made me cry.  I hope you mean it and continue to mean it, as long as you try, I will defo be here for ya, and everybody else will too.

I almost fainted when you said your hubby wants to back on meds and offered a second job.  I sincerely hope he means that.  maybe he wants to see who you really are, because he really never has.   It sounds like he does care, at least a little.  Sometimes, when you've been together so long and it's been nothing but strife, which most of your history has been, people drift apart, of course and become jaded towards each other.  But if there is just a hint of caring, take advantage of it.  If you're just hypo, and not having psychotic episodes (hearing voices, seeing shadows, thinking you have special powers or connections with god, etc), then maybe your crash won't be bad.   Hell, the first time I went on lithium I didn't crash at all!  I was psychotic when they put me on meds this last time, so maybe that's why it was soooooo bad. 

anyway, don't panic, it'll end if you do, anyway, of course.  No BP stays in that state forever.   Ask the doc for some Lamictal to help keep you from going too low, it's a lifesaver.  (No SSRIs, tho, it will totally defeat the purpose, esp since you are always "up"!).  I know I sound like a broken record, lol.

It's too bad you put up with that miserable, pathetic excuse for a human being.  I believe any man that abuses a woman, either emotionally or physically is the lowest form of life.   I don't care what their "good" traits are, it doesn't even come CLOSE to making up for their torture of another human being.  That's all I will say about that.

I do understand you had a bad experience with a pdoc but that is ONE out of millions!!!!!!!  Personally I have never seen a BP medicated wtih anything but a stabilizer and possibly and AD to begin.  the other symptoms are treated as they arise.  Please see a pdoc.  keep your appt Sat; you need to start asap, but then make an appt.  Don't worry about hurting anybody's feelings, it's YOUR health.  Would you go to a GP family doc if you had heart disease?  Kidney failure?  Cancer?   No.  BP is a very serious and life threatening disease.  We are also too compicated and change too often, we need constant adjustments and you will probably need additions or changes in meds to start with.  pdocs are required to be up on the latest treatments to keep their licenses current; GPs don't go to psych conferences, or even have time to read up on mental issues, that's not where their training is.  I worked internal med for 9 years for a number of them, they get their CEUs from going to the latest pharmaceutical reps presentations, and they aren't for psych.   A couple of other seminars about internal med things, but never psych.  Plain depression, ok, but not BP or schitzophrenia; they are the 2 hardest to treat.  Please just consider it, OK?

Thanks for writing back, hon, I am very very proud of you!

Shan


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key

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