Hi, "freak" welcome to the board, you did come to the right place.
First, why do you call yourself "freak". Is that the label other people gave you? That's bull****. Stop it. It's a disease and no different than diabetes or heart disease, except it's in the brain.
Just know this, BPs unfortunately come with all kinds of personality disorders, I'm no different, I have more than you TBH.
ALL of us are having rapid mood swings right now. Fall and spring are the very worst for us beause the days are either getting shorter (now) or longer in the spring. The amount of sun we get directly affects mood dramatically, nobody knows why but it does.
But, your MAIN problem is the drinking. Everyone here will tell you that. It's a depressant. While it makes you feel good at first, when it wears off it leaves you depressed. Then you need another, etc. You will never be fully stable until you stop. I was a raging alcoholic, a fifth of vodka a day, so I am not just saying this because I know from a nursing standpoint. So, take the advice, or leave it it's up to you, but think of this: No drink for two days, it's a great start! YOu WILL feel bad for a little while, not long tho and then you will feel better than you have in a long time. So, take the advice, or leave it it's up to you!
I know you probably have NO energy, that's what comes with the depression, so you need to keep your mind busy. Try getting a book that interests you, or research anything of interest on the computer. Occupying your mind will help you not think of depression 24/7, which we tend to do in that state. Nobody here will ever tell you to "think positive, we dont' want to get punched in the face, lol)!
You are on a LOT of downer meds, the lithium can make you tired and weak, the ativan is a depressant (I know you probabaly need it for anxiety tho), the trazadone is an antidepressant, but it's very sedating, too and then Seroquel! And drinking on top!!!! OMG I am surprised you can get out of bed, let alone function! Talk to your doc about that, perhaps he could sub Lamictal for the trazadone, it's a very effective antidepressant (AD for short) plus a mood stabilizer in BPs. It doesn't cause mania like other antidepressants in the SSRI class (Prozac, Effexor, Zoloft, Celexa, etc.) Also Welbutrin is used very successfully in BPs, and the combination of them is great for many. Seroquel is all you should really need to sleep at night if you take the right dose for YOU, everyone is different. Call your doc and discuss this, being a BP means you have to learn abuot the differnt meds and what they do, and tell the doc your symtpoms every time they change, and if they are rapidly changing he needs to know that too.
I'm glad you found us here, and I hope we can help. There is a registered pharmacist her name is Dana and she is very knowledgable of course, the expert on any meds, not just BP meds.
Hope to hear from you soon, and would you please change your user name to somethng a little happier, huh!
Post Edited (psychnurse) : 9/18/2005 7:53:19 AM (GMT-6)
I 'm so sorry you've had such a rough time of it. I'm 40 and had to go on disability a couple of years ago, I dont' like admitting that, and I never tell anyone I dont know really well, but this disease is a beating and sometimes even on meds stability is fragile at best.
I do wish you would go back to AA. Just because you fell off doesn't mean youcan't get back on. You CAN do it, the question is will you?
Counseling is good, does the counselor help? It's great that youhave access to twice a week.
We just encourage everybody to TRY. That's the only thing. BP is an everyday struggle, it is a lot of work, lol!
Please do yourself a favor tho, change your name to what YOU want to call yourself, not an insulting, inaccurate ignorant label that unenlightened people gave you, ok?
BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs
Hey, Starlite - I LOVE your new name! That's more like it!
And, don't feel bad about not working, etc. You have tried and that's what matters. I worked until I was 35, but couldn't any longer. My pdoc had actually been telling me for 2-3 yrs I needed to stop, but I wouldn't listen and just kept ending up in the hospital, or having to take days off at a time for "sanity breaks" as I called them. I finally had a total breakdown one day, a Monday of course. that was 5 years ago and I decided to get disability 2 years ago, since I realized I had no intention of ever going back to work. That's what it takes for some of us to stay halfway stable. It's still a job, eat just right, exercise daily, sleep just right on a strict schedule, no drink or drugs or cigs, no caffeine, and reduce stress as much as possible. Hmmm....... A healthy life? Just think if everybody did that, not just us!
Anyhoo, right, you have found a place here. How are you feeling this a.m.?
I just have a minute here and want to say welcome to Starlite. I'll write a better post later, but wanted to toss in a few words to let you know that I'm another ear (or computer screen) to talk to. Maybe its just because its Monday, but all the posts are ringing such familiar bells to me this morning. I'm feeling pretty good today, just emotional and wanted to say that things will get better.
Reading the posts about families and feeling like a "waste" and all those other things reminds me of all the things that I used to feel. I'm incredibly fortunate that I've been feeling well for a while now and by the grace of a crappy memory (a blessing disguised as a sideffect of meds), have been able to put away a lot of those awful feelings.
I just wanted Starlite to know that things will get better - although I'm not particularly religious, I do believe that there is a grand plan and with some faith, better days will come. Starlite, please know that this is the place that you can come for support and know that the people who post here have been where you are. There is no need to feel out of place. We have been through all the dark, scary places and frightening scenes that come with living with BP and hopefully you can find some solace in knowing that you are not alone in your struggle.
The other people who post here are incredibly knowledgable and supportive, and are an excellent sounding board for everything. Shannon, and Shannon, Patti, Sandra, Dana and Nickie and all the others have such a breadth of knowledge and good things to say - it is a great comfort to me to know you are among friends here.
I have to run, but I hope that everyone is having a good Monday so far,
Ahh... I knew Putter would be posting to welcome a new member and friend here. Anyways, Putteer, always a pleasure to see you post. I think at times, if I can't get the right words out, I read your post and think he is so delicate, and that's what I was trying to say. Not all the time, but defo. on a few. I think you are a great asset here, and we all enjoy your posts as well. I also am not really religious, but know there is someone and something higher than me, my problem is I am always trying to figure out what I am here for. My mom says it's to help people, but I think that is not all sufficient. it's not just being a mom, or a college student, it bothers me. Like I think something is gonna land on my head and say you already know what it is, just think.... LOL So far Putter , my MOnday couldn't be any better.
Shannon, no cig, no caffenine, no drugs( well I can handle that one, except my legal prescribed ones), no alcohol, hmm... sometimes that one is tough as well, but yeah okay. Boy you sure are strict.lOL I know all is benefical to a healthy mind and body, but ******, I can't seem to practice what we preach. If I quit cig, and caffenine oh gosh , look out everyone, and school would feel way outta reach at thiss point. I will try one thing at a time, but not right now. I hate to say it, you are right though!!!!!! You know I gotta pick on that! haha
Starlite, you have found the right place in my eyes. You were seeking whatI was , when I found healing well. After a while, it got rolling better, and I couldn't wait to get home, and see how everyone was. It's like a sane place to go for me, and everyone else is weird and not understanding. ( except mom , but truly even she can't possibly know the days, but I give her 150% for the effort) The more you get to know us, the more comfortable you will feel to post more. Again Welcome, and glad your here. nickie