GUILT, GUILT, AND MORE GUILT!!!

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Sassie and Sad
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 9/27/2005 7:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Do any of you guys experience a lot of guilt and self hate?  I want to work on my self esteem b/c I feel like a lot of my feelings about myself lead to my depression---feeling like a failure, not meeting my unrealistic expectations, etc....
 
 
Also, I have a hard time with intimacy with my husband....anyone struggle with that?  I feel very guilty and even sometimes feel like he doesn't like me or want to be with me--even though there are no signs or any actions to show that...............sometimes I think it comes from my wreckless behavior in this area in my past, and sometimes it is just me thinking he deserves better.  WHATEVER it is, all I know is I end up in tears by the time it is over and don't even know why-- just feel guilty and sometimes even used...............have no idea why though?  Anyone deal with this kind of guilt and unworthiness????   Any suggestions on how to work on it and iimprove self worth.....
 
 
sad  

psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/28/2005 4:01 AM (GMT -7)   

Sassie, we ALL struggle with that!  (In our depressed phase, especially).   Usually it starts in childhood with our parents neglect or abuse of some kind.  Then, being sick and doing the bad things we do, we feel very guilty when we see it clearly.  I still feel guilty even tho my husband doesn't even think about it anymore.  And, we can just plain feel guilty for nothing.   It just comes with the territory, either we feel superior or inferior, it goes directly with mood.

Do you mean you have cheated?  Or just that you had many partners before you were married?  

I think we're not supposed to talk about anythng sexual here, so if you would like to chat or email me, please do.   I'll give you my yahoo name in an email.

Shannon


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


Sassie and Sad
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 9/28/2005 5:53 AM (GMT -7)   
I would definitely like to talk more....However, I am new to this kind of thing.  I have never been on any kind of chat room/forum,,,,etc.  So, I don't know how to find your email or if I can find it on here..... I figured we werent' supposed to talk in much detail about that topic, but I just had to ask in a broad way, just to see if this is another common thing for BP II or if it is just a self esteem issue......just let me know how to email you or how to find the email....thanks for your help....it is greatly appreciated..
 

psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 9/28/2005 5:55 AM (GMT -7)   
hi, Sassie - just click on my name psycnurse and the email will be on my profile.

Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


sendyourmind
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/3/2005 8:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Sassie, psychnurse is right! I struggle myself, and have been seeing therapists and pdoc's for more than 15 years. I've been on Depakote, Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, Risperdal, and Xanex. My pdoc is now talking about keeping me on the Zoloft and Risperdal, and adding Limictal. For years I was diagnosed with Depression/Anxiety, but my new pdoc, since January, says I probably have BPII. I don't experience mania in the traditional sense, and luckily no psychosis (yet, ha ha ha).

I don't know if the guilt/shame/fear, etc. is part of the BPII or low self esteem, or both, probably both. I know this is easy to say, but we have to live each day at a time; we have to stop beating ourselves up; we have to starve that negative monster and grow a positive cheerleader for ourselves! I struggle EVERY DAY; sometimes it's hard just to make it through an hour, and I have a 6 mth. old son now. Sometimes I think it would be better if I wasn't around to screw him up, but not having a mother could be much worse. Something I heard the other day; ...considering all the opportunities you didn't have, and all the ones that you were unable to recognize at the time, you've done pretty darn good! Try to think about what you do have, and know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Isn't it funny that so many of us are in the helping professions?? I'm a social worker... take care and remember: The past is gone, the future is unknown, all we have is today! XOXOXOXOXOX

Sassie and Sad
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 10/4/2005 4:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for the advice.... I am trying my best to take it one day at a time, the past few days have been better,,,,,,,,,but then I had a very anxious, jittery, irritable day...........today was a little better though.  When I am at work, teaching,  I feel much more in control...guess it gives me others to focus on.......who knows...just trying to go from day to day.........Where you on meds. when you had your child?  I am 29 and my biological clock is ticking.  Of course, I ma not going to do anything until I am stable, but I am just wondering if there is any meds. you can be on while you are pregnant??????????  Or how that is handled????  
 
Keep hanging in there...your baby loves you and needs you--along with a lot of others I am sure!
 
 

Sassie and Sad
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 10/5/2005 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
One thing I have learned is that these feelings do pass......now don't get me wrong,,,,when I am in the mist of an irrational moment of rage or sadness, I see no end to the pain....but I am trying to remind myself on days that I feel good,,,,,that when a bad day comes, it won't last forever..................I don't know what else to do really.  Like I said, my job is my sanity--which seems odd--you would think 2nd graders would push someone like me RIGHT over the edge.  But for whatever reason, these kids are my life (for 180 days)--I still struggle with the irritability and depression during the times I am not occupied,,,and I have to watch my tone with these kids b/c sometimes I do feel like I am going to go off on them for asking me the SAME thing 50 times.......but I know they need me, I know I have a purpose, and I love what I do--seeing these children learn and grow and being a part of building their self-esteem and their independence is such therapy for me....it is almost like I am trying to fix them b/f they become as ****ed up as I am...........I just don't want these children to go through what i have been through and go through each day.  I want them to feel unconditional love and know that no matter who they come in contact with--their 2nd grade teacher believed in them.......that is my passion and that gives me sanity on my not so good days.  These are not even my children so just imagine the role you play in your kids lives---they love you and need you more than anything..........just try and look to that when you are down.......:) 
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