While I'm glad to see you back, I'm sorry to hear of the rollercoaster ride he's taking you on. Unfortunately, his behaviour/feelings are very typical of an unmedicated BP. We love or hate, depending on what mood we're in. Too high and it gets past the euphoric, "I love everybody" stage and into irritability, no patience and hating the world. Most people read that mania is an "elevated mood". Hmmmm....... It usually doesn't last too long, it happens on the way up before it gets to the next level. Then comes the part where BPs can't stand anyone, especially the ones closest to them.
No BP gets medicated "as needed" because we need medication every single day to try and keep on an even keel. Until he accepts the situation and complies with the doctor, he will continue this behaviour. He doesn't even know he's miserable more than likely, we never do, we just think it's how we are, it's normal to feel that way. Except when we get depressed, of course!
There is no way you can make him get medicated and stay that way, the only thing you can do is calmly talk to him and tell him you it makes you feel, don't say "you make me feel......" that's accusatory and we are VERY defensive people. Say something like "I am feeling so miserable and hurt and angry all the time, I just can't do it anympre. I need you to get medicated and STAY that way, or I'm going to have to leave for good. I DONT want that, I love you so much. It is your choice now whether we stay together or divorce, permanently". That way you give the power to him, which is what he wants. One thing you've done that isn't too helpful to you is you keep taking him back, and he knows you will. You need to give him the ultimatum and stick to it. I mean, what kind of life and marriage do you really have if he continues to be sick. If you go on this way, it will be like this forever. He may do one of two things either say "Fine, leave, go file tomorrow!" and not really mean it, or "Ok, I will". Tell him to leave now anyway and go wherever he goes (I think you said his mom's?) to think about it for a few days. That will show him you are strong and have had enough. (You have to learn to be manipulative, because we are great at it, lol). Tell him you WANT to help him, to be a part of his life in every way. Also, don't forget to mention what it's doing to your children. Sometimes that REALLY works.
If you approach him with love and understanding, and calmly with no shouting or anger, he will likely be very receptive. THAT part is up to you.
Please try this, your story is also the story of my marriage. My poor hubby put up with this for 10 years, and finally said the same thing, and he's always the way I described; it worked. I've never felt better and we are sickeningly in love, lol. It's like we met each other again. Of course, it's fall and in the fall and spring our illness gets much worse, even on meds we become very up and down and unstable at times, but its not as bad as before we were medicated, provided we were stable on meds in the first place. Unmedicated at this time and I'm sure he's even worse.
I really hope this helps, Charron, please keep us posted (love that pun
) and let us know every step of the way, if you run into an impass, maybe we can help you get through it. I'm sure when the world wakes up, you will get lots of responses.
Good luck, Charron, I hope this works out for you both and your kids.
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key