Hi, Charron, I hope you're doing well today. I don't understand why he wouldn't come to the phone other than mood swing and/or mommy "talking" to him Worst thing, meddling MILs.
Since he chose that route, I would suggest you just leave a message that it's over, you've exhausted all your energy and patience and it's not worth making you sick, too. It is ultimatum time. This cat and mouse game is really bad for you, Charron. And he has good ol' mom in his corner fueling the fire. You and the kids deserve to get out of purgatory.
I'm not telling you to get a divorce, you know I want to see you both succeed at this; if he would just get medicated he would wake up and see what he is losing! darn, but it's hard to deal with us! I find myself getting soooooo upset at BPs who treat their families/spouses this way just because they won't take a few pills a day. Especially because I was one of them. (No kids, but an adoring husband who certainly didn't deserve that!). Like I said last time, you're going to have to tell him no more talk, he has pissed away his last chance with you. You are moving on and have to take care of yourself and your kids. If he wants to continue to be sick, treat his own family like dirt and live with Mommy, that's his choice and he's clearly made it. Sometimes, talking with authority to us and letting us know that's it, we have lost all our chances, we panic (in a moment of clarity) and will comply. But also like I said, Charron, MEAN IT! Don't let him manipulate you again. If he says he wants to "talk", tell him to forget it. You want see ACTION, not words; you're tired of "talking" about it. You tell him if he wants any kind of chance, he has ONE. He has to earn it, not talk about it. You're done talking. First condition: get medicated and get on the RIGHT meds. (Many times, we get meds at first that don't work). I suggest strongly that he go to the hospital to get stabilized because they will be aggressive about it and he won't get out until he is no longer manic). Don't worry, it isn't like TV and it usually only lasts a day or maybe three if he's really bad. He has to go through the bad part of coming down and stick with it without quitting the meds. He has to stay living with his mother while he does it. (The reason for this is because you want to SEE him try without the chance of him just quitting them when he comes home and "wins". Make him show you he is committed, (no pun intended there, lol) otherwise, it isn't going to work. Don't give him a timeline, that's too easy a goal. He has to suffer the adjustment period, that will be the proof in the pudding that he is committed. And the last thing: YOU and his CHILDREN come before MOMMY! He needs to step up to the plate, be a man and defend you. THAT'S what men do!
These have got to be the main conditions upon which you will take him back. Make him sign a contract stating he will comply with these indefinitely or the deal is off. It's time to get tough, no more *****footing and babying; his mother has done enough of that.
I hope you can step up to this challenge, Charron, it is the only way left from what you have told us here. You have to get tough with us sometimes. If he refuses, or falls back after a while, I'm afraid you will have to make a choice of either accepting that this is how it's going to be, or leave. And, once you see more clearly when your meds take effect, you may decide that's what you want for relief anyway.
Charron, I really hope things work out for you so badly. You sound like such a good, caring wonderful lady, he will see that if he gets stable. But for now, he will take you for granted.
I hope I have inspired you rather than bringing you down. I certainly didn't intend that!
Oh, and you might ask him a question at some point when you're telling him this: Does he feel good and happy right now? Living with his mother as an adult man with a family and losing his family because his so-good mood is worth it? Sometimes that may make us think even when we're NOT stable.
I hope you have a good day and I'm looking forward to hearing back from you!
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key