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charron
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 10/2/2005 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I wrote you all about my absent b/p husband, and you have helped me gain insight, and a place to talk about things from a spouses point of view.  He had an episode last October; at that time, he locked me out of the house, was suicidal, had rearranged all the furniture, and either just stared at me with tears in his eyes, or said the same phrases over and over.  He also removed all the handles and knobs from the furniture and drawers, and took down all the pictures on the walls.  When he locked me out, I waited an hour, and finally called the police who took him to the hospital.  At that time, he was on court ordered injection of Haldol or Respidal, and taking Atavan.  That's why they could get him into the hospital.  The meds elevated his blood pressure and made him very ill.  When he was released, he talked to a psychiatrist and was taken off of court ordered meds this January.  He still self-medicated with pot....Our daughter, who was diagnosed bipolar three years ago,  put both my husband and myself through Hell when she took off at 18 (rejecting two Art Scholarships-straight A student) and followed the Rainbow (Grateful Dead) Family, and to our chagrine, became a heroine addict.  She is 32 now and clean almost four years.  (Kinda takes self-medicating to the max!)  All we did was worry, and I know that some of my husbands episodes were brought on by that.  Anyway, she came back home to go back to school (College), and when she arrived, my husband stopped smoking pot, and about a week later, he started not sleeping, etc.  When I was at work, our daughter told me he said mean things to her (you are a hopeless drug addict, etc.).  I tried to talk to him, and he just repeated, "The focus is on C" (our daughter).  We went to the Crisis Center--the County Hospital here sucks-and I was hoping to get him into a better hospital voluntarily with a better doctor, but he took off (as you know) and has gotten an apartment behind his mothers, after winding up in a hospital 250 miles from me.  His mother gave him his inheritance and I am angry because if she had not, he would be here with me working his out.  I followed your advice, Shannon, and it was very helpful.  Remember, he wouldn't come to the phone when he told me to call him?  We had a good love, and it would be great if he would accept his illness.  When he is well, he is so wonderful and loving to me.  I'm just so sad tonight.  I haven't heard anything, and I miss him more than I can say.  The amitriptylene they gave me for my depression only make me cry more.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  Please give me some hope....

charron
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 10/2/2005 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
BTW this last episode was in July. I know his mother is in denial, and I also feel she is making him feel guilty because she gave him his money. He left July 3rd and when he calls, he speaks differently to me every time, going from "Let's just get a separation, to divorce, to "I"m getting a truck and moving back home", to "Why don't you come visit me" etc. No papers have been filed; he left July 3rd and I feel like I'm stuck at the top of the rollercoaster.

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 10/2/2005 6:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you're going through all this. It sounds like this is now beyond your control and you just have to wait for him to decide if he's going to get better or not. I know it stinks when the relationship fails. But maybe yours has not. Theres still a chance that he'll get it together and come back home. If he doesn't, there isn't much you can do. It sounds like you've been more than loyal and supportive. Perhaps his mother will eventually tire of the situation and send him back to you? She certainly doesn't sound like she's helping him at all, at least not the kind of help he needs.
You'll be in my prayers
Ellie

charron
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 10/2/2005 6:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, Elle.  Seems like all I do is pray.  This is the fourth major episode in the last four years.  I think it would have been worse if he hadn't been self-medicating.  Which was pretty bad in itself.  Sooner or later, I hope he gets the help he needs, because I know that as sad and sick as I am over this, it's even harder for him.  As much as I love him, I would be content (although heartbroken) never to see him again if he got the help and was happy.

psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 10/3/2005 4:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi, charron, I'm sorry I was out yesterday. 

I feel so bad for you right now, so you didn't hear anything frm Friday night when he wouldn't come to the phone?  Don't worry, you will eventually.

Does he have any siblings?  

I didn't know your daughter was BP as well, I don;t remember you mentioning that before.  My father is BP as well, self medicating and unwilling to seek treatment becuase he is too stubborn to see a pdoc.   He lets his GP give him some worthless ADs that make it worse.

I'm curious why your doc chose amytriptaline?  Have you tried any SSRI/SNRIs?  Maybe you could talk to him about some Effexor XL, and soemthing for sleep if you're having trouble; you may feel better on that.

I wish i could make it bettter for you now, charron, I feel for what you're going through.  I do believe you will be hearing from him soon, tho don't worry.  It's not like us to just quit calling altogether.  A break yes, but it's awful not knowing how long.

Keep writing in here, you will feel better.   Also, for some people keeping a daily journal helps.

Feel better, sweetie

Shannon


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key


charron
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 10/3/2005 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the encouragement, Shannon.  I think that when our daughter talked to him when he began to show signs of freaking out, he became more upset.  She told him how much better she feels (is taking Seraquel and has just gone on Depecote) and that he would too , on meds.  It confirms his diagnosis because she has it too.  Both of them have self-medicated in the past--and as I mentioned, when he was hospitalized, he would not let me talk to his doctors.  I did tell them of his past hospitalizations.  He is very smart, and despite that, I don't feel any doctor would give him something to "take as needed".  BTW, I have no insurance at this time, and so I went to a clinic and they give you a prescription and it takes all day standing in line to talk to a doctor about changing it.  I only have Monday off, and he gets his SS check today and maybe he will just show up here.  I can't take much more of this, really.  I would rather be drawn and quartered than go through this pain...

charron
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 10/3/2005 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Also, he has a sister but she lives in Seattle, and has back problems and takes heavy duty pain killers, so she is out of it most of the time. I do keep a journal and love to write--it helps.

psychnurse
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 807
   Posted 10/3/2005 8:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi charron.  It was good that your daughter told him she feels better, MAYBE he will think about that - or was that in the past?

Sometimes even I can't stand BPs!  (kidding, really), but for the pain they cause their loved ones and the unwillingness to get better.  (Of course I"m not being hypocritical here, I am a prime example.)   Its just so frustrating and sad for the "normal" spouse.  If they can stay normal throughout it.

I'm glad you write, I have always heard it helps.  I start to, but then can't remember to keep doing it lol, so I just tell other people to do it! :-)

I hope you have a better MOnday than your w/e was.

Shannon :-)


Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key

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