Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 1/26/2006 8:58:04 AM (GMT-7)
Welcome to HW. It sounds like you're in a pretty bad depression. I'm very sorry for that, we have all been there. But I'm not so sure you're bipolar. And all docs can't be unintelligent, how many have you seen? What have you actually been diagnosed with? You said you had "highs" when in nature, but can you elaborate what else went with them? I worry about people self diagnosing bipolar, it is very complex and takes a while even for psychiatrists, but the key is mania. Without episodes of hypomania/mania you cannot be bipolar - it isn't just bad depression. Here is a very useful screening test to help you decifer if you really are bipolar, it will tell you the probability of a diagnosis. You should take it to your next psychiatrist (not GP) visit to get help if you are, if you are treated for bipolar and are not, you will get worse. I am also posting a very detailed description of what hypomania is and what mania is, and how many of the symptoms must be present under what conditions, it's the criteria the DSM IV goes by to accurately diagnose bipolar disorder. It will be in the following post, if I get the links while typing this, the text will be gone, so have to do it next, ok?
Post Edited (psychnurse) : 10/21/2005 5:35:00 AM (GMT-6)
BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs
Consists of three or more symptoms if mood is elated or expansive, or four or more if mood is irritableMay or may not include delusions or hallucinationsMay or may not need hospitalization to prevent harming yourself or othersWithout hospitalization, symptoms must be present for at least one weekWith hospitalization, symptoms may be present for any length of time
Consists of three or more symptoms if mood is elated or expansive, or four or more if mood is irritableMay not include delusions or hallucinationsSymptoms present for at least four days
Post Edited (psychnurse) : 10/21/2005 5:40:51 AM (GMT-6)
Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 1/26/2006 8:59:43 AM (GMT-7)
First: "dx" means diagnosis, sorry for the abbreviation. "DSM IV" is the "bible" of mental illness diagnoses. Bipolar disorder and schitzophrenia are considered to be the SMIs - serious mental illnesses.
Given your disdain for people in the medical field, I will try to make this short. The reason for being here is hope. We have ALLLLLLLL been where you are, including me. If you're BP, you're no different than the rest of us. We have all pondered the meaning of (our) life and the reason to stay. We got help. MDs are NOT drug reps. Some are better than others, but without them and the meds they prescribe, many of us wouldn't be here including myself. Ask any BP who got stable if MDs are just "drug reps" and worthless. If you can't work, and many can't because of it, get some assistance from the govornment. People like us that are severely ill are legitimate candidates for help, and you can get the meds you so desperately need.
Your main problem is lack of hope, and apathy, which are common with a longstanding depression. You must have an inkling of hope, or you would already have done it, and not written in here for help. Hospitals are short stays and NOTHING like on TV! No drooling people walking about in a stupor. They are like anybody else, they just have problems like you. 3-4 days is the usual stay - you need to be closely monitored by psychologists and psychiatrists to get the best results quickly, just getting meds and going home often doesn't work as quickly and then you lose even more hope. These people are trained to do nothing else really but care for people like us. They will give you hope and if you TRY, eventually you will find success. Do not expect it overnight. You need not have money to get this kind of help. County hospitals will work with you, disability comes with Medicare, you can apply for Medicaid. When you get better, you may opt to work again, ifyou feel like you can do so.
You need hope, my friend, because frankly, with your attitude toward life and every person in it, and the conviction that NONE of your dreams will ever be realized, there is not much point. You have to help YOURSELF, too! Treating BP is a joint effort, do not just expect the doctors to fix you alone and the first meds you try to get you well. BP is very hard to treat, a trial and error period, since we all respond differently to the meds used to treat us. But the right combination with little side effects for YOU is out there. You keep trying, working with the doc. Ask him to try different things you LEARN about. This board is very helpful in that regard. You sound like an extremely intelligent person, you can learn quickly about the nuances of it and the meds to treat it. All you have to do is read posts here, ask questions and investigate the net on your own. When I was diagnosed (dx) 16 years ago, there was no internet for me to learn, so I thought it was no biggie. I then went on to practically destroy my entire life with my behaviour (mania). It gets much, much worse as you get older. It's best to try to get your attitude adjusted just to the point of trying to help yourself WITH medical help, it's the only way, and talk to someone at the suicide hotline, they have ALL been where you are and survived it and found a purpose in life. I am not going to get all religious and tell you "you have a purpose". Sometimes we frankly just can't figure out what it is. But when you feel better, you can be productive and happy. It's out there if you try. Key word: TRY.
I hope this isn't offensive to you, since you really hate people, and especially peope in the medical field, but I know what I am talking about; I sincerely hope you take at least SOME of my advice, and the advice of others on this board. It is your choice if you want to get better. I wish you well.
Post Edited (psychnurse) : 11/1/2005 4:18:08 AM (GMT-7)
Post Edited (SMSIRL) : 1/25/2006 10:20:18 PM (GMT-7)