Hi, Jobee -
I am so sorry you're doing so badly. Yes, it's that debilitating, I lost a good career due to it, even tho I'm stable, it's fragile and the stress of working is enough to keep me in the hospital, so I am now on SSDI. Not proud of it, either. I never in one million years would have thought I would end up this way, it wasn't in the plan, ya know? But, it has been a blessing, I never felt stable before (suffered 39 yrs) and it's really great. Still do have mood swings, more than other people and always will, but nothing like before meds, at all.
You are experiencing all the normal feelings, denial, and surprise at how bad it can be, also tired of being called "weird". We have all been there and still are to some degree!
Do you have a really good psychiatrist? (pdoc). If you're feeling this bad, you are NOT on the right meds, far from it. Whenever you feel this bad, or even a new bad episode sstarting, call your pdoc immediately. The only way to get better is to be in constant communication with your doc; they can't help if they don't know what's going on.
I am very concerned, tho about your taking Ritalin! Why on earth would ANY pdoc prescribe an amphetamine to a bipolar, esp type I??????????????? That I would be very interested to know, I'm surprised you're not in a straightjacket! Lamictal is a very very good drug IMO for BP depression. It saved my life, but I also take Wellbutrin with it, excellent combination for the depression part. When did you get diagnosed?
I am glad you found us, Jobee, we're a good lot here and great to talk to about anything, we've all been where you are and totally understand everything you think and feel.
Bipolar disorder in one word: Intensity
Post Edited (psychnurse) : 11/11/2005 8:13:52 PM (GMT-7)