Hi, Philip, I am so sorry for your situation, I really am. I know that has to be so incredibly hard.
If you are still having feelings like that, you need immediate attention! Call the suicide hotline and then call your doctor. Unfortunately, there is no antidepressant that will work immediately, so you need much support, here, the hotline, a good therapist and your doctor(s). You really probably need to go back to the hospital given you live alone. Is there a BP support group in your area? Usually the DBSA has support groups in every city, usually several locations. Look online, or I can help you if you'd like to tell me what city you live in. If not, I understand.
I really recommend you call someone now, Philip because it's not going to get better without intensive help, it won't be forever. Remember that! One of the GOOD things about BP is that the bad moods come and go, they aren't permanent.
I hope you take my advice and call the hotline now - please.