Okay, im going insane again.
Argg. SOO much irratibility. I cant explain it I dont know where it comes from, and no one else is getting it. My father (the only BP I know) is the only one really understanding towrads this. My friends and fam are frustrated - and im going crazy. I go from depressed to anxious to manic to irritable, to all of them at once, to depressed and so on. I go through soo many emotions in one day now, i jsut dont know how to control it. Im just riding the current, hoping things work out - but its just making me more anxious and irritable.
I think everything around me is going so badly, and they arent when i step back - they just feel that way. Im the one driving myself crazy!!!! What do I do?
I plan to call my Pdoc tomorrow - but considering its the day after thanksgiving, i dont know how easy it will be to get a hold of him. Really, im just frustrated, not seriously freaking out. Gah - I hate being teh irritable one though.
Thanks for letting me vent - if you could call it letting. Happy thanksgiving all!
I was just thinking about you this morning and wondering how you are making out. I think that the holidays are a challenge for the average population - throw in some fluctuating moods and its no surprise that most of us have loads of anxiety over them.
I've been feeling a lot the same way too with the anxiety and the upset (except I live in Canada to it can't be the holiday, lol). I was pretty convinced that it was the depression creeping in again, but now I'm not so sure. I was able to lower the dose on my mood stabilizer for a while, and things seemed to be fine. But when I hit a whole ton of stress at work and home, my anxiety level went through the roof. I know that it sounds obvious about the stress and anxiety, but I was having panic attacks over things that weren't worth a second thought. Getting to the end of my ramble... I re-adjusted my mood stabilizer to a slightly higher dose (i'm ultra sensitive to the stuff) and it appears to have resolved much of the problem. I've done some reading that suggests that anxiety can often mask manic symptoms. So we feel ultra anxious, but it might actually have a larger component of mania acting than we realize. When I think back, I can see in recent months how this could be a good explaination for me, ultra irritable, lots of energy, etc. Now that I'm back on the more regular dose of depakote, i would say that I'm back to myself. Its still annoying since the depakote is ultra effective for me, but I end up fighting what seems to be a losing battle with my weight because of the stuff, but also end up with a restless leg syndrome like effect. I think that my body is still adjusting so maybe it will level out again in the next few weeks.
Anyway - I hope that you're able to find some sort of resolution to the struggles as of late. Hopefully you'll be able to take the rest of your weekend to relax.