Dear Sassie and Sad:
To an extent, I do understand what you are feeling. First,does "loving to get crazy mean you are an alcoholic?" When I was in my teens , I loved to get drunk to get crazy. I loved losing control, and I did. Now I go out and remain in control, but still have a lot of fun. I think that loving that crazy feeling is the manic side of BP, and can be destructive. No one can say if you are an alcoholic from the info you have given, but it does sound as though (like you said) you use alcohol to escape, which is a problem. Your husband is right, booze is one of BP's worst enemies. THAT SAID, I do understand the anger and frustration you are feeling. Many of my friends drink, and it ticks me off that I can't. I don't even want to get loaded, I just want a couple drinks. I have told my friends that I can't drink, and my good friends have supported me and left me alone (there's nothing worse than the person who harasses you constantly to drink!). You are going to feel angry, and that is ok. I find that when I think about how bad i crashed after drinking helps me avoid booze. You need to make a new lifestyle that is alcohol free, which is tricky at first b/c it may change your social activities/social circles-or not.
At any rate, I hope it helps to know that I get it (or most of it anyhow). If you are worried about the "definition" of alcoholic, I would mention it to your pdoc or do some AADAC research on the net, and talk to hubby-he may know you better than you do! :) I know that a few of the people here have also struggled with alcohol, it will be interesting to see what they have to say.
Hang in there Sassie and Sad!