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Salvia
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2016
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/10/2016 5:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I'm salvia. I'm 24 years old. My parents arranged a person of 29 years old for my marriage. He is bit fat (83 kg) and he had childhood asthma till 18 years old. From that time even he is neither using any asthma medicine nor any inhaler. Now he has tested his asthma which is now mild asthma in report. First of all my parents motivated me to meet that guy and slowly I get close towards him( from the very beginning, as I mentioned I didn't like him because he is fat). But now I want to marry him and my parents are opposing me saying that he had childhood asthma and asthma can come back at any time and u will suffer. I and he, we both tried a lot to convince my parents saying that asthma is not a thing, for which we will break up. Now, my parents are saying that u can go to him n marry him, and after that don't come to our home. My bf supports me. He is agreeing for every condition which I put. I want to marry him with my parents support. Can u pls advise me what should I do? Is asthma a reason I need to dump him? Pls pls suggest. It will help a lot. Thanks.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1019
   Posted 9/11/2016 11:53 AM (GMT -6)   
salvia:

First, they wanted you to marry a guy you didn't even like.

Second, they now don't want you to marry this guy because he has asthma.

Sounds like they make all of your decisions for you. They make all of the decisions for themselves, and they make all of the decisions for you.

I think one of the things you're going to have to decide is, are you going to keep letting them make your decisions for you?

If you do, they're going to be making a lot of future decisions for you, and it may never end.

So, you have three decisions to make, in my view:

1. Are you going to keep letting them make your decisions for you?

2. Then you have to decide the second issue: are you going to marry this guy?

3. And also, are you going to decide to start making your own decisions in general?

These are your decisions. Only you can make these decisions.

Both sides of those three issues have good points and bad points. But only you can make the decision on each of those three points, I do believe.

Because, nobody knows your frame of mind. Nobody knows your level of maturity and your desire on these issues.

Only you know what you really want, and how much you want that, or you may be indecisive.

1. Do you really want to make your own decisions, or do you want your parents to make your decisions?

2. So you really want to marry this guy, and be the one who decides, or are you confused on that?

3. Do you want to make all of your own decisions, or let others who don't now what you really want, make your decisions?

When I was your age, I would sometimes allow others to make my decisions, and sometimes, they did not have my best interest in mind. I was putting my welfare in the hands of someone else, which can be very risky.

After a few mess-ups like that, you can begin to see why it's important that you make the final decision, I do believe.

You can ask others for advice, but the final decision should be yours, in my view.

Of course, we can mess up decisions ourselves, that's why we like to hand them off to someone else.

You are between child and adult, which is easy to understand, and you don't know if you should make the leap into adulthood, I'm thinking. It is risky, and staying a child is risky.

This is what every person goes through.

It is universal.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4381
   Posted 9/12/2016 5:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Salvia,

Welcome to the forum :-)!

If someone has asthma or any other illness or sickness, I do not see that being a valid reason to leave them. However, this is just my opinion. I know everyone feels differently.
Someone can have something an illness and they can be a wonderful person and make a wonder partner. It is really up to you to know what kind of person this guys is and if he makes you happy. You have to know whether or not you see a future with him and you know that you can both have a life together. However, you have to make sure you read up on asthma and you are prepared in case he has an asthma attack. I am not sure how bad his asthma is, but ensure you can cope with it. So be sure to read up and talk to him about it as well so you will know his background when it comes to asthma.

I would suggest you sit and think about these things. If you realize that this is the person for you and you want to marry him, you need to sit with your parents and talk to them. Let them know that you have made a decision the guy they choose for you as he makes you happy, etc. and you would like their support in your decision. Let them know that you understand that he has asthma, etc., but you still want to proceed with a life with him.

I hope things works out for you.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 19772
   Posted 9/14/2016 3:39 AM (GMT -6)   
seriously????????????? this is a bi-polar forum. sorry ua, but this is ridiculous.
THE HAPPY TURTLE.

A QUOTE FROM THE HAPPY TURTLE THAT REFLECTS ME.

"COMPLEXITY IS MY WAY OF EXPRESSING MY NEEDS IN A MANNER THAT IS NEITHER DESTRUCTIVE, NOR NEGATIVE"
'
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