I am new to this forum. I am 40 years old, have Bipolar II and am currently struggling with depression. I am taking Lamictal, Wellbutrin, Zoloft and Provigil. Things were going pretty well during the summer but now that the days are getting shorter (I live in Upstate New York and winter is upon us...) I am right down in the dumps. I have SAD, and I sit by a therapeutic full spectrum light every day. But I am still quite depressed. This is so frustrating. I dread the possibility of having to change meds again. It takes sooo long to find out if you have the right combination.
Recently I've been revisiting an old argument I've had with myself about whether my illness is just "all in my head" (no pun intended). Over the last 10 years I've been treated for depression, anxiety, ADHD, and one year ago was diagnosed BP II. I have been treated by 6 different pdocs over the years and have read a lot of published information about my diagnoses, but in the back of my mind I have always had the painful suspicion that my mental illness is my fault, I'm just lazy, a free-loader, irresponsible, etc. I know this is ridiculous but it is still in my head. I want to put it out there so if other folks are feeling this way, or have in the past, they might share their experience on it.
I've been reading some of the threads that have been posted and it is such a relief to know that there are others willing and able to share about this illness. Thanks for letting me ramble.