Completely new to this forum and scared out of my head

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metaresolve
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2016
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/7/2016 11:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I'm 39 years old and live in Washington, DC. I am employed full-time.

I'm coming off a hypomanic episode. I've been having episodes since 2009 (although in retrospect, I've been having them my whole life). I've always had the "let's go with it and see where it takes us" attitude.

Right now I just want to sleep but my brain keeps going off on justified anger rants. I want to sit here and whine to you all and show you how I was the victim in all of it. But the newly aware part of me is wants me to find the tools that will help me get to sleep. But then I go back on justified anger rants.

So, here is me asking: What are the tools you use to "do the right thing" when you're manic and you just want to go with it and get as much done as possible?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41690
   Posted 10/8/2016 3:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Metrasolve,

Do you take medications for bi-polar? I am curious as usually if you do you don't get a lot of hypomanic episodes, right??? I am actually just helping out with moderating and only know a little about bi-polar. I have depression though...

I am curious to know about the "tools" myself. I am always on the low side of depression. I do take a medication for bi-polar though I guess I am not. It slows down my thinking and levels my mood. I take Abilify.

I hope you get some answers and I am anxious to see what they are. Feel free to read other threads, you could learn stuff there. I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

metaresolve
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2016
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/8/2016 4:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, everyone. I managed to get a couple of hours of sleep by listening to this video as I fell asleep: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbAy9MwBR-I . It's a 10-hour asmr "no talking, just sounds." It relaxes my brain and gives those voices something to focus on and stop talking.

As for meds: Yes, I am medicated. Yes, I am seeing a health care professional. I have a psychiatrist I've been seeing since 2009. In 2010 when I started having the episodes, he put me on Lamictal. However, I am inconsistent on my meds.

Don't yell at me, I know it's bad. I endeavor to develop the discipline to take my meds every day. See, I'm also hypothyroid and have been my whole life--as in, they caught it when i was born early and they popped me into an incubator. When I was little and not responsible for my own meds, I took them every day because my mom laid them out next to my cereal bowl in the morning. When they stopped monitoring my meds, I stopped taking it regularly. Sue me, I was 12.

Fast forward 27 years later and I'm paying for that pretty badly. I am on a cocktail of drugs (all prescribed) but it doesn't really work because I've been so depressed I haven't been taking them everyday. If you experience depression the way I do, you will understand that, no, taking my meds every day is not the biggest priority at that time. I ended up getting let go from a job I was at for over 15 years. I just stopped working and showing up and oversleeping and not going to work on time/ever. I also stopped doing work. There were a lot of contextual circumstances about why I was let go when all of this happened, it was in reaction to a catalyst. I don't blame my bipolar. Getting let go from that place was a gift of the universe.

I was in in a 12-step program actively from age 32-37ish. There, I learned that there are other people like me, that I'm not alone. I'm here because I'm looking for that same group of peers. When I act the way I do, when I talk about the things I do when I'm manic, non-bipolar people at best look at me askance, at worst humiliate me in trying to push me outside of their normal, happy little group. (I know they're not all happy, they have their own issues, but I grew up excluded by the cool people and I haven't gotten over it yet.) I just started working with a therapist and I'm hoping she can work me through letting these resentments run my life. It was those resentments that kept my up last night and prolonged a manic episode.

I write this so you all don't flip out and start telling me to:

1. See a health care professional and get diagnosed. I've been actively treated by a psychiatrist for just over 6 years. He puts the DSMv code for bipolar on my receipt to submit to my health insurance. He changed his diagnosis the past couple of months. It's now: F31.11 which is the DSM code for "bipolar I, manic episode without psychotic symptoms." The subcode is "mild" for the degree, the second severity in the list of options.

2. Take your meds regularly. I f'ing know this. I am aware that probably 100% of my issues come from the fact that I'm not regularly medicated. I'm working on it. It doesn't happen over night.

Please, help me. Please don't make me have to wade through tons of research to find the answers and solutions. I have a master's degree in library and information science and am capable of finding them if I focus, but can't you just make it easier for me? Please?

What I'm most looking for is an IRC chat. If I have 24-hour, consistent access to bipolar people to whom I can relate, I think it will go a long way to helping me start the recovery process.

I'm going to check out the bipolar resources listed in this forum. But if anyone knows of an IRC chat, or is willing to act as a kind of "sponsor" to me as I try to apply some tools to manage my bipolar and help keep me accountable. Don't feel obligated, though, I'm slowly creating a valid, true support system. I want you, but I don't need you.

Ok, I'm getting melancholy and talking myself into another upward swing. I'm going to cut this off now.

Thanks,
meta

metaresolve
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2016
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/8/2016 6:38 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't understand how this has over 20 views, and only one response? Is there anyone there? Is this an active place for support?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41690
   Posted 10/8/2016 7:52 AM (GMT -6)   
If you know your problems are coming from not being medicated, then take the meds regularly. I know, most bi-polar people don't like their meds. Often because of the highs. They want that. And if I was bi-polar, I would probably want that too. But it doesn't get you very far when you aren't taking them.

A lot of the views on your post can be people that aren't members so they can't post. Weekends can be slow here. I guess everybody is out having fun. Ha...

I hope that you feel better soon but I can see you need to stay on your medication consistently. If not, what is the point? You know the answers...

I wish you the best. I know it is hard. My step son is bi-polar too. He struggles much like you. I feel for you and him both.

Hang in there...

Hugs, Karen....
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41690
   Posted 10/8/2016 1:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh and for sleep. Can you meditate? It helps me fall to sleep without sleeping pills. It is hard when you can't shut the brain off.

I hope you are feeling better.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 10/8/2016 1:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I’m manic depressive and take Lithium to help control that, and Mirtazapine anti-depressant.

Those two work good for me.

In your first post you said, ““Right now I just want to sleep but my brain keeps going off on justified anger rants.”

I have trouble with sleeping, also. I don’t want to take doctor sleep pills. I now take Power to Sleep from the health food store or the net.

However, there are those who say such sleep suppliments can interact very poorly to dangerously with anti-depressants. One person here even noted that the health food sleep aid called Alteril, which someone on this board recommended, even has a not on each bottle that says, “Don’t take with anti-depressants.”

So, they say, you need to talk to your doctor of pharmacist and ask them about that.

I went to the web search engine, and there wasn’t a whole lot of data, other than, see your doctor. Of course, doctors don’t really have to know, especially if the entire web doesn’t know. So you’re kinda out there.

Again, I take Power to Sleep and it gives me a good night’s sleep, and I have a hard time sleeping also. On the bottle it says, take 2. I dropped back to one after a few nights, and that puts me to sleep.

I’ve taken it for a year or two.

My psy. says she doesn’t like Power to Sleep because there have not been enough tests on it. I will also say, not getting enough sleep has side effects, also.

Melatonin sleep aid from the health food store also puts me to sleep. It made me too groggy in the morning, after 3-6 months of taking it, and I switched to Power to Sleep.

I also use a heating pad on low which helps me go to sleep. I put it on my chest, and it expands the blood vessels and the heart doesn’t have to work as hard.

It’s good that you’re on medicine, Lamictal, which I don’t know anything about that but it sounds like it’s working…when you take it!!!

You said, “I'm coming off a hypomanic episode.“

ebMD says,

But have you heard of “hypomania”? It’s a less severe form of mania. It actually may feel pretty good because your mood is up and you have more energy than usual, but it’s not out of control.

The problem is that for someone with bipolar disorder, hypomania can evolve into mania. Or it can switch to serious depression. And you can’t tell which one might happen, because the pattern isn’t predictable.

You may:

• Have lots of energy
• Feel high or wired
• Have racing thoughts
• Talk fast
• Take more risks
• Need less sleep than usual to feel rested
• Have more distractions than usual
• Have intense senses, such as smell and touch
• ---------------------------

When you take that medicine, does it help?

And you don’t take it sometimes because taking it slows you down.

I know it’s a tough decision.

Your first post says, “Right now I just want to sleep but my brain keeps going off on justified anger rants.”

I use to holler at my refrigerator, so I know what that is. After taking Lithium, I didn’t. I still get angry, but not like I use to. But you’re right, when you’d rather be angry than go to sleep, your medicine would probably help.

You said in your first post, “I want to sit here and whine to you all and show you how I was the victim in all of it. But the newly aware part of me is wants me to find the tools that will help me get to sleep. But then I go back on justified anger rants.”

You sound like you just want to go to sleep but not take your doctor medicine. But then, not taking our medicine gets you back to your justified rants.

I think you should take your medicine.

You say, “So, here is me asking: What are the tools you use to "do the right thing" when you're manic and you just want to go with it and get as much done as possible?”

You want the “tools” “to do the right thing” when you’re manic.”

I don’t think we have them. The only tool is the medicine. You have the right tool. You’re not using it. Be glad you have it.

My mother’s mother, was m-d, and they didn’t have or give Lithium in the 1930s and 1940s, and she would go through people’s medicine cabinets when visiting in their homes, and take any pills they had, trying to do the same thing you are right now: calm down and quit being angry. She ended up in a state mental hospital.

You have the tools and are choosing not to use them.

I know there are benefit to both. I take Lithium and I don’t feel it completely destroys me.

I know the Lithium and the health food put me to sleep at night, and you can’t put a price on that. I need a break, and those two things give it to me.

You said, ““I want to sit here and whine to you all and show you how I was the victim in all of it. But the newly aware part of me….”
I became newly aware of my whining when I was at a self help group, and told my troubles with great sorrow, and the woman beside me said, “Oh, you were having a Pity Party. We’ve all done that.”

I use to feel sorry for myself all the time. But after she said that, and in front of the other members of the group? I was so embarrassed and humiliated, that I never felt sorry for myself again, because if I tried, I would hear that woman’s voice, and see her face, and it wouldn’t work.

So, it sounds like you’re working on that also.

What this is, is a problem. And from a column I read, I try to remind myself, “One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem.”

The column said in effect, the problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude going into the problem. I didn’t know it, but unconsciously I was negative, from my childhood, from my manic-depression, whatever.

So, from then on, I told myself, don’t worry about the problem.

You’re the problem. Your attitude.

So from then on, I would say to myself before going into a problem, “Be positive, be positive, be positive,” trying to drive the neg. out of uncon.

Only then would I start to worry about the problem, which was secondary to my attitude.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 10/8/2016 1:18:41 PM (GMT-6)


UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4381
   Posted 10/14/2016 6:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi metaresolve,

Welcome to the forum!

Thyroid issues can also affect our moods.

I use journaling, mindfulness and distraction techniques to help me. Deep breathing helps to slow things down for me and give me a sense of calm.

I hope you are continuing to get rest.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.
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