Help! Really bad moment for me.

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Ellie 1
Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 12/9/2005 1:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Having a really bad day.  I don't know if its the foot of snow thats got us all trapped together in the house or what, but I woke up this morning in the worst mood.  Took my own advice and stood in the shower for half an hour trying to regroup to no avail.  I've been med free for months but broke down and took a klonopin this morning.  I feel alot like a failure for giving in to the anxiety, I hate taking meds but sometimes theres just no way around it.  Better for the whole family if I calm down.
I'm med resistant, and usually only need them in the spring when I get my manic version of spring fever.  Meds at this time of year are unusual for me.  Hope this BP isn't evolving into some more serious form of the disorder.  I could use any support anyone has to offer.
I live in a fairly continual state of mild hypomania.  Having few depressive episodes, but this has been a strange and unusually stressful year.  I just can't seem to recover from all that has happened and now have no health insurance to go to the doctor.  I've applied for state aid but that will take eons.  Any advice is appreciated.

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 12/9/2005 6:05 PM (GMT -6)   
If you are in the united states, which it dose appear that you are, contact the department of health. The one next to me has a mental health clinic that is apart of the department of health. They are income based and there are ways to get help with meds to. I dont know exactley how it works since I am on my first appointment. It seems like to me you have to make an appointment with asocial worker. When my dad went, my mom was the only one with income and had a full time job, he only had to pay $11.00 per visit.
Hope this can help and sorry your having such a bad day.

Ellie 1
Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 12/10/2005 12:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Ahh, I've certainly had worse days. Thanks for the response.
I've already talked to my case worker and medicaid is pretty much my only option at this point, if its denied, then I can try another route. Getting medicaid in my state is a little tricky now. It's a 50/50 shot. It takes a few weeks to find out though.
I'm not in desperate need. Just feeling a little unstable lately. Not depressed. Just irritated and annoyed by practicly everything. The kids climbing all over me and tattling and picking at each other (normal kid stuff of course) is driving me nuts!
The klonopin helped loads today. It evens me out so the least little sound doesn't have me jumping out of my skin and when it wears off in the evening it leaves me tired so I sleep well. I should have gone back on this a couple of weeks ago but I'd had a d&c and didn't want to mix them with the narcotic painkillers the ob gave me. I think if I take a Klonopin or 2 a day I can get past this. It rarely takes more than one and I only take a low dosage.
The boys have bowling tomorrow morning so I'll have a little peace. The girls are 13 and 2 so they don't really fight. Not yet at least. lol
Hope you're having a good evening

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 12/10/2005 11:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Ellie - I'm so sorry that I couldn't post yesterday - I tried a few times and it got lost.

Anyway - I'm sorry to hear that you had such a rough morning, but it looks like things have evened out a little for you. Please don't feel badly for taking medicine - it only helps to level the playing field so that we're at least equipped to deal with all the things life throws our way. Hopefully you'll be able to find some peace today and that things will get a little better.

Take care,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 12/10/2005 2:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Bi Polar is ongoing you need to keep taking your medications.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 12/10/2005 8:07 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Ellie

Just dropping a line to let you know you are in my thoughts...


Ellie 1
Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 12/11/2005 11:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks all,
Much better now. I'm going to continue taking the benzo until I can get into the doctor. Just PRN but it helps alot. Hopefully things will even out again after the kids go back to school (darn snow days)
Mostly I'm feelilng snappish and very, very irritated. You all know that feeling where you want to lock yourself in a closet so noone will talk to you. Yep, thats it.
I got my medicaid application in the mail yesterday and it looks like I qualify, so hopefully this wont take more than a couple of weeks.
I'm sure much of my situation is reactional, I've had a rough couple of months, but things are looking up. I try to keep a positive attitude. It works wonders.
Thanks to everyone for the responses.
God Bless

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 12/11/2005 12:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, sorry you are having a hard time with the depression and probably Bipolar causing it. Could be due to a lack of sun and less sunlight hours in the winter. Could be due to not being able to get out due to the snow, etc. Could be due to the holidays coming up, that can all affect me and many others with Bipolar. Get out in the sunshine somehow regardless of the snow and cold. It WILL make you feel better. Sometimes I have to practically force myself to go outside, but then I do feel better. Sure don't like to though when it is cold and snowy as it affects negatively my asthma.

I was on Klonopin which is Clonazepam for a long while, however, had to get off of it as was on it too long and it is addicting. You do not need it all the time. I am now on Lorazepam and only try to take it when I need it, it makes one sleepy, otherwise no big problems. It does calm down a person, but there are side effects to that as well.

You need to keep taking your Depakote, if you are on that though, do not stop that one as it is a mood stabilizer - I suggest taking Depakote ER a timed release Depakote. You can get it as samples from your psychiatrist if you ask him to get them from the Abbott Lab Co, it is free to those of us on low income so ASK - you can get many months like three months supply all sitting waiting for you. They give me a big bottle ea time I need it, then I go back when I run out. I even thanked the Abbott Lab Co once when I saw them there and told them how much I appreciated that and how effective it was.

Most all other meds caused me major and many serious side effects, especially anti depressants.

Try this - Go get some Magnesium which is good to calm a person down, and it is good for Bipolar, it is good for the heart and other things as well. It can help a person sleep. Believe me it works great, it is even helping my shaky leg syndrome that causes pain and discomfort.

Go get some Vitamin Supplements, Vitamins C and Vitamins B's work and those of us with Bipolar may be deficient in them. Try Fish Oils, you can also get a bottle of that at just about any store. You can try Salmons and Sardines, that is good. There are studies people have done and those with Bipolar may be lacking in Omega 3's, and certain Vitamins mentioned above. Grape Seed is supposed to help and so is Zinc. Well those are only options for you. That is better than taking prescription drugs and less costly.

Just found a site called that offers a great deal of information on research on Bipolar and Nutritional Supplements, they offer a product there called EMPowerPlus. Lots of what I am taking are in that plus more.

Anyways, I hope your depression lifts. It WILL!! You will have good days and bad days. Your moods may change, that is all the way it is. You are NOT alone. That's what I keep telling a lot of people with depression, you are NOT alone!!! There are many millions with this issue.
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