i absolutly hate my disease!! i've been on a downward slide for a while now (and for a rapid-cycler) like me, when i'm on either side of the spectrum too long, i feel as if it will last forever. i know there are so many ppl on this site that has so many more problems than me......but right now, i can't see the light of day. i've been in my house for bout 4 days..not getting outta bed, not eating, not giving a flyin flip about anyone or anything. not seeing a point in the suffering. i just don't know what to do. i'm the first togive advice, or help to ppl who have problems, but when it comes to myself, i'm soo lost.
dec is a bad time for me, because of certain personal problems...but one is i feel so all alone. i know in my head that my friends and family care, but times like these, i can't feel it in my heart. years ago, i used to hurt myself to take away the inner pain, and have had a fleeting thought of starting up again, but that going to end up making it worse. i know tht from experiance.
i just don't understand it! when i'm manic, i pray for a lul, and when i'm depressed, i pray to be flyin high. plus my psychotic episodes are comming and going. thank God the hallucinations aren't constant this time, but just the fact that their rearing their ugly head is a step backwards.
man.....i just read this, and i am so sorry for being a whining child, but right now, i feel that's all i am
Accept the challenges so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.