on a downward slide

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starlite
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 12/13/2005 10:18 PM (GMT -7)   
i absolutly hate my disease!!  i've been on a downward slide for a while now (and for a rapid-cycler) like me, when i'm on either side of the spectrum too long, i feel as if it will last forever.  i know there are so many ppl on this site that has so many more problems than me......but right now, i can't see the light of day.  i've been in my house for bout 4 days..not getting outta bed, not eating, not giving a flyin flip about anyone or anything.  not seeing a point in the suffering.  i just don't know what to do.  i'm the first togive advice, or help to ppl who have problems, but when it comes to myself, i'm soo lost.
dec is a bad time for me, because of certain personal problems...but one is i feel so all alone.  i know in my head that my friends and family care, but times like these, i can't feel it in my heart.  years ago, i used to hurt myself to take away the inner pain, and have had a fleeting thought of starting up again, but that going to end up making it worse.  i know tht from experiance.
i just don't understand it!  when i'm manic, i pray for a lul, and when i'm depressed, i pray to be flyin high. plus my psychotic episodes are comming and going.  thank God the hallucinations aren't constant this time, but just the fact that their rearing their ugly head is a step backwards.
man.....i just read this, and i am so sorry for being a whining child, but right now, i feel that's all i am

Accept the challenges so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.
 
the only way a butterfly can emerge is through the darkness of its cocoon.
 
The sky is not the limit......nor the stars......
                     Mel


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 12/13/2005 10:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Starlite, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.
You do not sound like a whining child. Not at all. We've all been where you are. I don't remember what meds you're on but it sounds as though you need an adjustment somewhere. Something is certainly not doing what it should. You sound VERY unstable and should contact your doctor at your first opportunity. This is not a normal phase. Especially if you're having fleeting psychotic episodes.
There is no reason to suffer when you don't have to. I know its hard to find motivation to fix it or even call the pdoc when you've fallen that far into the pit, but that phone call is going to do you a world of good. Do yourself a favor and make that phone call first thing.
As for the SI. In the end that will only make you feel guilty for giving in to it and make you feel worse. I've been there too. Resist that temptation and make sure you keep checking in with us. You'll be in my prayers, Starlite.
Take care and God Bless.
Ellie

starlite
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 12/14/2005 6:31 AM (GMT 0)   
Elli, thank you for ur concern.  my pdoc appt isnt until next month, but i think ur right, maybe i should call him tomorrow.  the only problem i might run into it he might be out of town (he's forever going to china) anyway, maybe someone else will be able to help.
thanks for caring
melissa
 
Accept the challenges so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.
 
the only way a butterfly can emerge is through the darkness of its cocoon.
 
The sky is not the limit......nor the stars......
                     Mel


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 12/13/2005 11:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Glad to hear it Melissa, I'm sure there will be someone in the office that can be of assistance. Next month is a long time to wait.
Hope you get a good nights rest
Ellie
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