DEALING WITH DEATH

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cat1259
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2017
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/17/2017 3:51 PM (GMT -6)   
It is getting really hard lately for me. Let me just give you some of my history, I been dealing with my bi-polar for the past 16 years had alot of ups and downs, mostly downs. Was in a horrible relationship for 7 years of it. But the last 9 years are better. But in 2016 I lost my 2 friends 1 to a heart attack at the age if 31 my son in laws brother. Another a great friend to cancer. Then my Mom passed away in July 2016 and if that isn't bad enough, I lost my best friend for over 30 years, Nancy was my rock, if 2 friends can be soulmates well that was me and Nancy. Now I dont have my Mom who was also my best friend, and Nancy who I would go to and we just would talk about everything. Hash things out. I feel so lost without them. I have no one to talk to like I talk to them, (there are no cell phones in heaven). My life has changed so much my heart still hurts, when I think of them tears come to my eyes and its hard to stop. There are days all I want to do is to go and be with them. But then I know I can't.

Has anyone very felt like this before. I do have alot of people who are important to me, but it is not the same. I hurt all the time, but what do I do, I put on my smiley mask and go out into the world like I am ok, but truthfully I am not. Not sure what to do or where to go. I am in therapy and see my doctor but still feel like something is missing. I just want to be.....

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1024
   Posted 2/17/2017 5:44 PM (GMT -6)   
cat:

It does sound bad. You had a lot of good close friends. That must be very rough.

What I might suggest is trying to help others. It helped me.

I went on an old web site for ear trouble, which I have, and was ready to talk about my latest difficulties, as I had in the past on that website.

Before I started typing, I noticed someone else who was having trouble. I read their story.

The next thing I knew, I was pouring forth, on their problem not mine. And what happened to my ear trouble? It went away. Why?

Because I was thinking of that person's problems, not mine.

That was several years ago or more, and I've basically never written about one of my problems since. My psychic energy turned around, and instead of going inward toward myself, it went outward towards others.

It was the same amount of energy, it was the same amount of problems. It's just that it was 100% their problems instead of 100% of mine. The amount was the same: 100%.

Their are plenty of people out there, including children in hospitals, who are having it real tough. They don't think anybody loves them, either. Just like you don't think anybody loves you.

There is a lot of energy there which could be used to help someone, or used to dwell on yourself. Your choice.

Volunteering in a hospital, talking to senior citizens in a home, walking dogs at a kennel. All thinking the same thing. I'm so all alone. Two lonely people together can make a lot of difference.

What was my big problem when I called the website for ear problems? I'm not sure, but I never expressed it.

cat1259
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2017
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/19/2017 2:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your reply. I do have a lot of people in my life who I can turn to. My Mother and Nancy were my rocks, they would listen and if they felt I needed a smack in the back of my head they would do it. There is no one else around who I really trust that much or have that much faith in. Frank, my boyfriend is there for me but he doesn't get it at times. He is great and sometimes I think he would be better off with out me. But I know I can't think that way. I feel like I just lost my way and I have to try and find it. I do like helping others, but in this day it isn't easy to just walk in and say "Hey I want to help", there is a process to go through and it takes time. That is why I am glad I found this forum to help me and just maybe help someone else.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1024
   Posted 2/19/2017 4:37 PM (GMT -6)   
It's good hearing from you.

I realize volunteering is nor as easy as I was making it out to be.

I myself do not volunteer. So I'm living proof of that.

I don't volunteer because I have a health problem that prevents it.

But for one thing, I am saying, in my view, it is difficult to sit on square one and solve the problem. If your thinking can go outward, it is easier to do.

I'm sitting here right now without a whole lot to do. I'm going stir crazy. I want to do walk my dog, but there is a neighbor who has a pair of pit bulls that my do and I ran into 3 times in the last 45 days or so, and I am concerned about going outside right now.

So, I guess I'm encouraging you to get out. Are you able to do that? In a way, I am volunteering. I'm walking a dog. I'm walking my dog.

Is there anyone in your neighborhood, senior citizen for example, who you might be able to visit, talk to, help them fill out their bills, ask if they need any help? That helps them and it helps you.

They say giving help is better for you than getting helped.

You say, "There is no one else around who I really trust that much or have that much faith in."

I know it's easy to get to certain people, and rough should they pass away. A lot of people, including myself, don't have anybody they can place a lot of faith in.

Now, in the last few months, I might have found someone. From my not being able to drive, I have to contact help to drive me places, and I can meet people through that.

So through that, I feel I have someone I could confide in. So, I know how hard it is to find someone you can trust. It is very difficult, at least for me.

You say, "Frank, my boyfriend is there for me but he doesn't get it at times." I know how that can be.

You say, "He is great and sometimes I think he would be better off with out me" Why would he be better off without you?"

You say, "There are days all I want to do is to go and be with them."

You add, "I hurt all the time, but what do I do, I put on my smiley mask and go out into the world like I am ok, but truthfully I am not. Not sure what to do or where to go."

And "I am in therapy and see my doctor but still feel like something is missing. I just want to be....."

It's good that you are in therapy. Are you on any medicines? This site also offers some resources that might help you, if you will look at those and click on them at the opening of this website, and at the top of each forum, like this one on bi-polar.

Do you have a diagnosis?

After my wife died 7 years ago, I used to talk about her a lot with my psychiatrist, and she would be encouraging me to move on with my life. It took awhile, but it did happen. Meeting others played a big part.

You do still have your boyfriend, so you do still have that.

You also note, "I do have a lot of people in my life who I can turn to."

So we can look at the positives.

A slogan that helps me is, "One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem."

Also, "The person you have to conquer, is the person you have to look at in the mirror every morning."

So, ourselves can be our biggest problem.

It's good that you got back in touch with the board. Let us know how this is going.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4384
   Posted 2/21/2017 8:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi cat1259,

Welcome!

I am sorry for all your loses.
Losing our loved ones is very tough especially when they are close to us. It also makes us feel lost sometimes and we have so many questions. It's just the process of life.

Asking for help is sometimes not easy, but it is a brave step anyone can take. One must want the help.

I am glad you have a people who are there for you. Having people around through grief is helpful. Therapy also helps a lot as it teaches us coping techniques.
Just take it one day at a time. Grief takes a while sometimes.
I hope you will feel better.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.

Post Edited (UserANONYMOUS) : 2/27/2017 4:22:21 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41710
   Posted 2/26/2017 10:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Cat,

Did you go to any grief counseling with all the losses you experienced? I went through a time where a lot of my relatives (close relatives) died. It was so strange. I found taking things one day at a time helped. There is no wrong way to grieve and there is no time that it has to be done by. So maybe some grief counseling would help. It is often free through a hospital.

It is going to take time to go through this. It hasn't been all that long.

Give yourself some slack. Do some nice things for yourself. Self nurturing... You will meet other people you can trust in time. We both know it takes time to trust somebody that much. But there will be new relationships. Have faith in that.

I hope you feel better soon Cat.

Have a good day.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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