Single bipolar parents?

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Dawn85
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 202
   Posted 4/10/2017 6:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I was dx bipolar when my son was 1 year old. I always feel so bad that he doesn't have a dad to count on when sometimes counting on me is disappointing. I have been really trying and I do the best I can but I have to wonder if he better off with my parents as guardians for him. I would die if I didn't have him, I wake up daily and fight every moment for him. I just wonder how bad I am screwing him up by being selfish? Does anyone else feel this way? Can anyone give me some advice? Everyone around me says I do a good job with him, but I am always such a mess, it makes me wonder. cry
I am working on me day by day. Laughter and playing are our cures! Kids do this, why can't we?

Rx
Trileptal 300mg times 2 twice a day- bipolar
Celexa 40mg 1 time a day- Depression anxiety
Protonix 40 mg 1 time a day- GERD
Loratadine 10 1 time day- Allergies

The Dawn85

Stay strong, stay well and be happy even if it's fake at first.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1022
   Posted 4/10/2017 8:36 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm bipolar but I didn't raise our child by myself.

Until he was 13, everything was great. Then he walked in on an argument were were having over her suspected cheating, our 1,000 argument since he was 3 and there were huge signs of that.

And he wanted to know what we were arguing about. I was so wound up, I couldn't contain myself, and said, "She tried to have an affair." (Well, it turned out, she had had 100 affairs, and still was, but I didn't want to believe that, so I just believed her denials, but I would bring up the subject several times a week.)

When she denied what I had just said, it made me look like I had falsely accused her with no reason, but I had a lot of reasons, and I couldn't stop. I did pretty good, I bottled it up from him for ten years.

So, I had proof positive that something very well might have occurred, and I couldn't contain myself, and I showed him some documents which backed my story up.

When I showed him the data, there was denying it. Well, at 13, he couldn't handle it, and he basically never spoke to me again, except in anger. It had destroyed him.

He is now over 40, and only 3 months ago, I had to quit having anything to do with him. His mother, my wife, died over 7 years ago, and I just realized a few months ago, he has been attempting to destroy me ever since. Has been carrying on her battle, and his.

What this has to do with you, I don't know. Other than, with a partner, even if we weren't getting along in private, it was much easier to help raise a child. Especially with my being bipolar.

If my wife and I had parted, I don't know how I would have handled raising him on the weekends by myself. It would be like, "Well, what do you want to do now?"

I mean, every five seconds, I would be wondering how I was going to raise him on my own for that weekend. So, I decided to stick it out, I had to, I had no choice, I had no money, etc.

But I was always glad that his mother was in the home to balance out the taking care of the child. Alone, I may have been kind of depressed, which would have made it more difficult.

So, I have an idea of what you are trying to do, and how difficult that would be.

Your son was one when you began raising him on your own. How old is he now?

One thing, you could just have some activities in your mind or on a list: 1. bake cookies 2. play games 3. ride bikes in the neighborhood or in the park. 3. watch favorite TV shows at night together, maybe with popcorn with special shows.

5. Invite a neighborhood (or school) playmate over. 6. Scout the neighborhood for kids, "Hey, yeah, OK, I live right down the street and saw you and your kid..." of something like that, and let them know you have a child about that age, and were just wondering if the two could get together.

I tell you what, you may not have any more parenting duties if you can do that. They may enjoy that so much, you could just be in the background, supplying nutritious food every now and then.

They can swap whose house that play in for that day, everybody can go to the movies together, or on a neighborhood bike ride.

Of course, a part of him also realizes that if it wasn't for you, he would be out on the street, or in a foster home, or with grandparents who couldn't do half of what you can.

So you're never going to be able to do it all. But again, he has shelter, food, a mom who is trying her best. He may have to pitch in at time, realizing there is only one parent in the hope.

Also on bad days, you can perhaps explain to him, I am really having it rough, and let him try to take up the slack while you try to get yourself together.

Dawn85
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 202
   Posted 4/10/2017 8:55 PM (GMT -6)   
He is 11 and he is at the stage where mom is no longer cool. I am okay with that as it natural, but my worry is that with all mental mess I may not be good for him. I have no partner and do not intend to get one.

I am glad that even though you had a rough marriage that you had help to take up where you couldn't. I am also sorry to hear that your son is no longer part of your life. That is very sad to me.
I am working on me day by day. Laughter and playing are our cures! Kids do this, why can't we?

Rx
Trileptal 300mg times 2 twice a day- bipolar
Celexa 40mg 1 time a day- Depression anxiety
Protonix 40 mg 1 time a day- GERD
Loratadine 10 1 time day- Allergies

The Dawn85

Stay strong, stay well and be happy even if it's fake at first.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4381
   Posted 4/11/2017 8:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Dawn,

You are a wonderful mother. Knowing that you wake up each day and get through the day just for him shows that you are a wonderful parent. He is lucky to have you as his mother.

Although he is at this stage, he still needs you.

Keep on fighting this and hanging in there.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1022
   Posted 4/11/2017 1:25 PM (GMT -6)   
You said,

"He is 11 and he is at the stage where mom is no longer cool. I am okay with that as it natural, but my worry is that with all mental mess I may not be good for him. I have no partner and do not intend to get one."

See, I didn't know how old he was, and was working in the dark.

Does he have friends, schoolmates, from around the neighborhood? Does he get together with his friends after school, or on the weekends on in the summer?

Have the meds gotten you out of depression? Do you work?

You say, "I always feel so bad that he doesn't have a dad to count on when sometimes counting on me is disappointing."

I know that feeling. I never wanted our son to be without his mother. I knew it would be tough to raise him on my own.

You say, "I have been really trying and I do the best I can but I have to wonder if he better off with my parents as guardians for him."

Then you say, "I would die if I didn't have him, I wake up daily and fight every moment for him."

You might be describing depression either way. With him, you're depressed, and you feel you're not being a good parent. Without him, you feel like you would die.

Either way, you feel depressed. Again, are you depressed, or are the medicines helping you. Maybe if you could get out of depression it would be OK.

I know how hard it is to parent with depression.

Does your mania also cause you problems?

What about yourself. Are you able to get out? Do you work? If not, can you get out among people, maybe do some volunteer work, at a local dog pound walking dogs, or at a hospital?

Maybe you could find a dog at a dog pound that he could take home.

Do you have any associates you can call from time to time?

You say, "that with all mental mess I may not be good for him."

How are you not good for him?

What is the mental mess you say you have? Some mania, some depression? What is the mania like, and what is the depression like?

You say, "I have to wonder if he better off with my parents as guardians for him"

How do your parents feel about this? Could you let him stay with them for a weekend and see how that goes?

Did you have bipolar before he was born? Did it come from your parents or grandparents? My bipolar came from my grandmother, and it's a relief to know that, knowing I'm not to blame, or an weak, I just inherited it. I'm not a bad person.
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