New here. Husband bipolar, so lost.

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easyrhumba2
New Member


Date Joined May 2017
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/15/2017 1:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello, I am new and need help. In two years my entire world has come apart. My husband of 9 years was recently diagnosed Bipolar. In a way I am relieved because I feel I am able to make sense of some of the things that have brought me to this very spot in our life. Cheating, lying, substance abuse and car accidents and the most random of things that I can't even begin to explain. Two summers ago he pulled the rug out from under me and decided he was leaving, I spent months trying to figure out what had happened and when I finally decided to move on and leave he came running back because he said he was afraid to lose me forever. I gladly took him back and in the next year he developed a drug addiction, lost 3 jobs and the cheating never stopped. I feel like everyday I find out something else that has happened. Sometimes he regrets it and feels remorseful and other days he just doesn't know why it happens and that's how he is. I made him leave and we have been separated the last 6 months but because of our son we are still in touch daily. He still says that he loves me but he is afraid to do anything and I am just as scared. I don't want to abandon him, I love him and some days he knows it and other days he could care less. He has not started taking his new medication yet because he has one more appointment with his doctor. I have been doing research and from what I hear the odds are not good for me. I am so lost and just heartbroken. shakehead shakehead

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 5/15/2017 6:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Your husband is lucky to have you, which he won't figure out until you're gone, which is probably what you'll have to do.

You say you already have separated, so that's a start, to something.

You say, "I made him leave and we have been separated the last 6 months but because of our son we are still in touch daily."

In my marriage, I was the bipolar, many years not diagnosed properly, I was diagnosed depressive, because I would go into the doctor's office depressed. They never bothered to ask, "Do ever have racing thoughts?" and questions like that to see if I was also manic at time.

So they would give me an anti-depressants, which could send me into mania, because I had nothing to stop that, like Lithium.

But it sounds like your husband has been diagnosed correctly, but you say he won't take his medicine. He refuses to take medicine, but he will take street drugs. Probably nobody but a bipolar would understand that.

You might have to do him like I have to do my brother and sister: keep miles and miles of distance between the two individuals or groups.

Waxed sympathetic at his latest quandary, but from 10 miles away.

If he gets better, congratulate him, from 10 miles away, because we know what's coming next. We don't know what form it will take, but we know it's coming.

Sounds like you might be in the best of positions, 10 miles away. A phone call every now and then, then hang up and get back to your life.

With you making your own money, and him not making any, you're in a good position, you just don't know it.

You say, "He still says that he loves me but he is afraid to do anything and I am just as scared." What does that mean? Afraid to get back together?

You say, "I don't want to abandon him, I love him and some days he knows it and other days he could care less."

I would have all the emotions in the books. From 10 miles away. I would let him explain his latest ventures, for 10 minutes. And then I'd hang up and go back to my life.

You know he's going to be 100% high one day, and 100% low the next. The only thing you can do is stay away from all of that, so that his misadventures don't affect you.

The only thing you can do wrong, is get right next to him in the same house, and have to listen and live with these wild upswings and downswings, which will then affect you because you live right beside him.

You already know what he's going to do: he's going to be wild all over the board. You can't stop him, but you can control yourself by not living with him and being affected by his behavior.

Again, I think you're doing right. I think you're cured. Just keep doing what you're doing about him: absolutely nothing.

I think you should give yourself a medal for making it this far.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4315
   Posted 5/17/2017 5:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi easyrhumba2,

Welcome to the forum!

I am sorry for what you are going through. In order for your husband to feel better, he needs to take his meds. Does his doctor know that he is not using them? He must be willing to accept help. This is the first step. If he is not taking his meds and is not willing to accept help, there isn't much anyone can do.

Try talking to him and let him know that you support him but would like for him to get help. If he still doesn't listen, there isn't much that can be done, unless he is willing to get help.

Please also remember to take care of yourself.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

easyrhumba2
New Member


Date Joined May 2017
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/17/2017 12:19 PM (GMT -6)   
He has not taken his meds because he said he has one more appointment with his doctor and that it when they will prescribe them. He is just taking the anti depressants he has been taking the past year and a half. I cant call it quits until he starts taking meds and I know for sure that we can't work. Do I just leave him alone? I want him to know I am there for him but I feel like I am annoying him. I am so stressed out.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 5/17/2017 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   
You said he has recently be diagnosed as bipolar.

And in your first post said, "He has not started taking his new medication yet because he has one more appointment with his doctor."

In your second post you said, "He has not taken his meds because he said he has one more appointment with his doctor and that it when they will prescribe them. He is just taking the anti depressants he has been taking the past year and a half."

So, he has been taking just the anti-depressant for 1 1/2 years, but has just recently been diagnosed as bipolar.

So he has been misdiagnosed as a depressive, when they've just discovered he is really bipolar.

OK, I'm glad he has been taking his anti-depressant for the past 1 1/2 years, and that he has another appointment with the doctor when they will prescribe him something that will help his bipolar.

As a bipolar myself, I take Lithium for my bipolar, and the anti-depressant Mirtazapine, for my depression. It is good that he is getting something for his bipolar. I don't know what any of the other ones are besides Lithium.

So that is very good news, that he is taking what the doctor gives him. Does he have a psychiatrist for that?

You say, "I cant call it quits until he starts taking meds and I know for sure that we can't work" I think that is a very good decision.

You say, " I made him leave and we have been separated the last 6 months but because of our son we are still in touch daily."

You add, "Do I just leave him alone? I want him to know I am there for him but I feel like I am annoying him. I am so stressed out."

I don't know. Maybe let him call you with updates.

If he's taking both of his meds, I think you should stick it out with him. Monitor his behavior. Then give yourself a medal.

Whew! You're a champion. Everybody wishes they had a wife like you. If his behavior improves to your standards, let him know there might be a chance you two can get back together in the same place.

I wouldn't tell him that too quick. Make him work for every inch. Keep him on a short leash, hold your leverage over him that you've separated from him, and have done OK, and he'd be a basket case without you.

Give him some time to improve, to earn the right to be around you. I wouldn't come out all submissive. Re-train his mind to work for the right to be around you.

If you let him out on too long of a leash, he thinks he can do anything and you'll take him back.

Use his concern that you might leave to the fullest. In other words, just be yourself. That's plenty for him.

These are all my opinions.

I think you're doing great.

easyrhumba2
New Member


Date Joined May 2017
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/22/2017 12:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank for you help and words of encouragement. I didn't marry him to leave when things are hard, in sickness and in health is what I promised. No matter how bad it gets he is my husband and the father of our child.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 5/23/2017 1:29 PM (GMT -6)   
You continue to amaze.
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