michael, i went to the website and heard you're songs. you are a very tallented person! i wish i had the natural abitlity to have music come to me as it surly has come to you. i am schitzoaffective (which includes rapid cycling bi-polar) the ups and downs can be mild, or very severe. i will share this poem with you. i also wrote it while in a mental hospital, in a very severe depressive state.
crying, screaming, going insain
tryng anything to numb the pain
heart pounding, heart racing,
smiles and laughs i just keep faking
appearing to always be under control
holding in the chaos so know one will know
the person everyone appears to see
is not the person staring back at me.
mirror, mirror on the wall
so brutally honest thru it all
do you know what you would do
if all this pain was inside of you
would you shatter into a million parts
shooting daggars from within your heart
or would you stand so tried and true
forcing a smile as you always do.
want to run, but there's nowhere to hide
want to give up, and just simply die
want to cry, but you force it to stop
you know it wouldn't end with just one teardrop
if you let go, a dam would break
overflowing with confusion, pain, and heartache
why can't you let anyone inside your twisted mind
are you that afraid of what they would find
a weak person who appears to be strong
a terrified child who's been there all along
don't let them get close, don't let them inside
build your walls higher so you'll have somewhere to hide
walls that have been, always will be
what you do with them is left to see
so hold your head up...know you won't break, just bend
you're no where near your journeys end.
i don't know if it makes sense to anyone but me. even if it doesn't, that's ok.
most people who have bi-polar are very creative. you have the talent to back you're creativness up. don't ever let anyone tell you different.
Accept the challenges so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.