bipolar issues

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babybear
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 1/29/2006 4:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I really thought that I had dealt with some issues that I had had in the past. I realy thought that I had moved on. But the last few months I have been having the most horrid nightmares and these issues are coming back up.


How does a Bi-Polar heart forgive? I know that sounds silly, but I know so many poepel who able to let go of thigs and I just seem to hang on. It's much like lying down with a corpse. And I carry these thigns with me very where I go. I really thought I had grown past these things, really thought that I was able to live in th present more. But now out of no where, it has all come flooding back. It is so painful that I am begining to feel the parianioa and the fear of sleeping and ever over the last couple of days begun hearing vioces again. Not in a huge amount, but little by little I have begun hearing things again.



I tired talking to my husband about these things, but all he does is the protective thing and lock up my meds or hide the sharps in the house. I'm not to that piont yet and I feel like I'm being treated like a baby. And with all of my physically illness going on, I have nothing anymore that is mine except my poetry. I can't talk like a grown up to him, he is in constant protective mdoe and that makes me feel lik he is my father or something. He says he doesn't care, as long as I am protected.



Any thoughts?

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/29/2006 6:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi babybear,  I sympathise with you on a lot of levels.  I was abused as a  child, physically and sexually for years by my stepfather.  Even though I have worked past most of my issues with this, I sometimes have nightmare that are very vivid and real like.  Scary!  I don't know if this helps you or not but what I learned was that my childhood made me who I am today.  Sometimes I may be fearful of men, or certain situations, but this is good to have this caution (right?).  I can wish and dream that it never happened.... but it did.  I don't have to forgive the man who hurt me to heal, I have to forgive myself and learn not to take blame or place blame for the situation on myself.  

As for your husband, it is good that he wants to protect you but maybe you need to sit down with him and explain clearly your feelings.  Tell him that you need him to just listen to you without reacting.  I was wondering if you were on any medications for Bipolar at the present time?  The reason that I ask is that some people can have a side effect of vivid dreams on some of the medications.  My boyfriend who has BP has this problem and complains every night about bad dreams, but his not actual experiences that he has had.  If you aren't feeling better by tomorrow (monday) I would suggest calling your physician and seeing if maybe you need to have a medication adjustment.  Especially if you are starting to hear voices and having feelings of paranoia.  It is better to catch it before it gets to out of control.  Please let us know how you are doing.  My thoughts are with you........


~elisha


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 1/29/2006 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with els 100%. You should certainly consult your physician if you are having a recurrance of symptoms. You don't want it to get worse if it's something that a little tweaking of the meds can solve. Hearing things again when the problem was previously resolved should be discussed with your doctor.
I'm sorry you're feeling overprotected. Perhaps as els said, you could sit down and talk to him and make him see that even though you are ill you are still an adult and need to be treated like one. Keep in mind that while its annoying, he's doing it out of love. Sometimes they just have such a desire to love and protect we end up being half smothered.
Please take care
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
Unknown
 
 

babybear
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 1/29/2006 6:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you guys so very much for your responces. It means a lot to me.

Yes, I'm on meds and a lot of them. I take Depakote;1000mgs perday, Neurontin1800mgs perday, Tigeretol1200mgs per day Dilanton800mgs per day, Klonipin 2mgs per day, Serequel100mgs per day, Abilify15mgs per day and then my gen. doc just added a couple more for stomach issues. I have epilepsy along with the Bp, so I know it's a lot of meds. I have been trying to get my pdoc and my nuerologist together for along time. Each kn0ows what meds and doses I am on, but they have never sat down and had a conversation.

So maybe I am having the nightmares again as a result of being on so many meds. I have had nightmares off and on all of my life, but maybe they have returned because they just keep uping and uping my meds. I am so tired most of the time. And my sleep cycle is completely off.

But anyway, I will certeinly take you advice to heart and try to have a heart to heart with my husband. I know that He loves me and is just trying to keep me around. ;) It's just been a rough year with all of the seizures.
Ok, 'nough rambling-Thanks again-bb
Maddness, oh come swiftly, I will face our destiny
As the night passes through our hands, I know you've come for me
But I will feel your presence strong, And breathe you in as fate
The horses will face tword sunset, And I'll realize much too late.....
 

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