I'm writing today to maybe see if anyone has any ideas. I'm a 24 year old male back in college at attempting to acheive a Bachelor's Degree. Throughout my life, I've always had this conception that there's never enough time.......I currently take 18 credit hours of school and work 30 hours a week. My point is (before I lose focus) is that I've never been able to process more than one piece of information at one time. I acheived an Associate's degree and worked three years for a company and the only thing I was able to focus on was that I would work out (gym) everyday and really watched what I ate. I was heavier through high school and my intent was that I was going to get in shape and stay that way! But suddenly things are as if all the ideas you have about life aren't being realized. I've always been fairly seclusive and staying to myself because for me to get everything everyone else gets done in a normal day, it takes me a considerable amount of time longer. Simple tasks as writing emails take so much time because formulating thoughts and ideas don't happen. It's like my mind is just blank. I have absolutely no sense of time or depth perception. I have no desire to date or have a girlfriend because I'm worried that there's not enough time......this concept is the key thing that is currently causing a problem in school work also. It's usually late when I get in from work and I usually don't do my homework which is having obvious impacts. When I do have brief minutes in between class, I frankly don't know what to do. It's causing so much trouble, (always have) I avoid situations where the importance is placed on me and sit on the side lines to act as the confident self assured guy. I've pretty well faked my way through most of my life so far this way, but time is running out. Obviously now that the focus is on my deciding what to do with my life, I'm quite frankly scared crapless. I avoid making additional friends because I'm scared that if I fail out of school,(everyone makes it through college so easy) everyone will start to notice that I have a problem. My whole life I've always relied on other people, which no one has caught on to yet.....It's just stuff that everyone else doesn't think about, I really have to focus on. An example is forgetfullness. Day to Day interactions with people, that everyone else remembers, I have no idea of when I talked to that person last or when something happened. It's just like my whole mind is blank about everything and there's no sense of urgency or idea of success or failure. Suddenly failing is just another step in my downward spiral. Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.
I hate to sound like I'm crazy,
But the idea of not having any sense of time has always plagued me,
Which I've never shared with anyone until now.
Thanks for any help.