So I'm not sure if I have BP or what I have yet. I'm still looking to find out exactly how one should feel if they have bp. I know that somethings not right and I know taht I tend to be depressed but what exactly is a manic episode? I do feel sometimes like I am going nuts because I am overwhelmed with a lot of thoughts at once and sometimes they are really rational but just way off of any normal train of thought. Almost like I analyze things too much and sometimes come up with incredible conclusions. I know by now I have some kind of disorder and it has affected my relationships and my friendships and I stopped going to school this semester. Now I have to see my girlfriend going out with a complete dumb**** and thats not just me being jealous. I know for a fact that she deserves a lot better. I just don't get why some things happen in life.
I know a lot of you have replied to my earlier posts but I would really apreciate it if instead of recommending me medications or suggestions you could help me even establish if I do infact have the symptoms of bp or not. I am slowly getting better and fighting it more and mroe each day. It jsut seems like every night I have really heavy lucid dreams and when I wake up I will start thinking up a storm and I just can't settle in my own skin until a couple hours after I wake up. My mom has mood swings and she knows what I'm going through and I always try to help around the house to try and not sleep all day but she makes my life a living hell with her constant pointless nagging and it just makes things so much worse. I am completely irritated at everything. I always think taht I wish I was never born or that I hope to just get run over or something because I would never take my own life. But sometimes the pain and vagueness of not knowing what the hell goes on with my life is too much to even try and play by ear more and more each day.
I jsut want some closure to all this. My life's going by so slow and yet I still can't grasp a hold of it. Its been like this for about
6 or 7 months now and I am having an incredible amount of patience.
Like I said before my doctor had put me on prozac and that didnt do squat. Now my pdoc put me on Depakote ER.. I have been taking it for only 2 days now so I don't know if its right for me yet. I guess I'm jsut looking for some comfort from you guys cause u have done it in the past. And maybe you can help me figure out whats going on. I know I'm not schizophrenic only because I am rational most of the time. And I can write all of this pretty coherently, although very emotionally distraught ;(.
This feels far from a depression.. of course the restlessness builds up such negative energy but I've been through a depression before and if my physical state and my mind just stabilized.. I think I've had the patience and the mind power to beat this thing a long time ago. It's more a feeling of being overwhelmed than anything else.
Anyways, wahtever information u can give me.. ya know.. I'd apreciate it.
"I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind."
Post Edited (dolly vita) : 3/25/2006 1:37:04 PM (GMT-7)