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dolly vita
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 3/24/2006 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
So I'm not sure if I have BP or what I have yet. I'm still looking to find out exactly how one should feel if they have bp. I know that somethings not right and I know taht I tend to be depressed but what exactly is a manic episode? I do feel sometimes like I am going nuts because I am overwhelmed with a lot of thoughts at once and sometimes they are really rational but just way off of any normal train of thought. Almost like I analyze things too much and sometimes come up with incredible conclusions. I know by now I have some kind of disorder and it has affected my relationships and my friendships and I stopped going to school this semester. Now I have to see my girlfriend going out with a complete dumb**** and thats not just me being jealous. I know for a fact that she deserves a lot better. I just don't get why some things happen in life.
I know a lot of you have replied to my earlier posts but I would really apreciate it if instead of recommending me medications or suggestions you could help me even establish if I do infact have the symptoms of bp or not. I am slowly getting better and fighting it more and mroe each day. It jsut seems like every night I have really heavy lucid dreams and when I wake up I will start thinking up a storm and I just can't settle in my own skin until a couple hours after I wake up. My mom has mood swings and she knows what I'm going through and I always try to help around the house to try and not sleep all day but she makes my life a living hell with her constant  pointless nagging and it just makes things so much worse. I am completely irritated at everything. I always think taht I wish I was never born or that I hope to just get run over or something because I would never take my own life. But sometimes the pain and vagueness of not knowing what the hell goes on with my life is too much to even try and play by ear more and more each day.
I jsut want some closure to all this. My life's going by so slow and yet I still can't grasp a hold of it. Its been like this for about 6 or 7 months now and I am having an incredible amount of patience.
Like I said before my doctor had put me on prozac and that didnt do squat. Now my pdoc put me on Depakote ER.. I have been taking it for only 2 days now so I don't know if its right for me yet. I guess I'm jsut looking for some comfort from you guys cause u have done it in the past. And maybe you can help me figure out whats going on. I know I'm not schizophrenic only because I am rational most of the time. And I can write all of this pretty coherently, although very emotionally distraught ;(.
This feels far from a depression.. of course the restlessness builds up such negative energy but I've been through a depression before and if my physical state and my mind just stabilized.. I think I've had the patience and the mind power to beat this thing a long time ago. It's more a feeling of being overwhelmed than anything else.
Anyways, wahtever information u can give me.. ya know..  I'd apreciate it.

Thanks again


"I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind."

    -the beatles.

Post Edited (dolly vita) : 3/25/2006 1:37:04 PM (GMT-7)


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 3/24/2006 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dolly
Unfortunately, noone can DX you but a dr. and none of us here have those qualifications. You seem very troubled by your symptoms though, and I know how you feel. I would get in to my dr asap and find out for sure what's happening. Then you will be able to do something about it.
Take care
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
Unknown
 
 

Ashley C
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/24/2006 7:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Dolly! I am sorry that you are having to go through all of these mood changes...I myself don't know how I am hanging on! I just started my meds today and I know that it is going to be a while before it gets better...especially since I am starting out slow! I agree with Ellie that we, of course can not dx you. I went for an entire year before seeking help after I was told by my counselor to be evaluated for bipolar disorder. I knew that I felt depressed...but I didn't say any mania symptoms. It has been just recently that I have been awaken to my mania symptoms and I am still not used to what all happens. If you would like some info about what manic attacks are like, I describe some of mine in the post titled "The low down on manic episodes?" I know that everyone experiences different symptoms, but with me it is like I can't slow down...my mind goes non stop and I am full of excessive energy...I am so full of the energy that I don't make decisons clearly and I lose my judgement...like I am high or drunk...but I am not. My symptoms seem to be getting worse...so I would recommend getting help before your symptoms get any more severe. You can also find quizes online that asses your risk for bipolar disorder. I took the mood disorder questionare and took it to my doctor....based on my symptoms I was diagnosed....this was just yesterday. I wish you luck and I hope you can find some answers...hang in there!

dolly vita
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 3/25/2006 1:35 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah I dunno. This whole things is really just a swift kick in the @$$. The hardest part of it all isn't even me being completely overwhelmed.. Its just losing people that were close to me for not being able to understand exactly what I'm going through. I have found that meditation helps so much lately. Just trying to focus on one thing and relax your body and mind to the point of full control.. Things become really clear and easy. But that only lasts for less than 5 minutes and then the muscle tension and constant day dreaming and rapid thoughts strike again. I really just want some closure to all this so I can attempt to get back to where ever I left my life when I last felt semi-normal. This whole thing is incredibly surreal. I'm sure most of you can relate when I say that. It sucks to have the same feelings as anyone else but not be able to deal with them as easily. Almost like a really bad curse that affects the people you love a lot more than anyone else. Its horrible. I'm rambling again gghjwrgjgwrigj. Just ya know.. thanks for the comments and stuff. You guys are awesome. Honestly.

fphilx
"I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind."

    -the beatles.


Ashley C
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/26/2006 5:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Are you taking meds and have you talked to your doc about bipolar disorder? I am sure that meds will help. Even though I just started taking mine, I am noticing a difference in the way I feel already. The way you described racing thoughts and muscle tension describes exactly what I have been through. My medicine makes my mind and body feel relaxed. I still am myself, and I don't feel drugged...just comfortable and not so tense. I really do hope you get the help you need and hang in there! We are here for you to talk to! I find that praying helps me alot..its my way of meditating.

dolly vita
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 3/26/2006 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah depakote ER. Its helping out a lot. Just the real life factors that are really bothering me.The whole girlfriend thing has just completely bummed me out. I didn't expect that from her but i guess its gonna get better.. jesus. well i dont know I have nothing else to say. Hope everyone is doing good and beating this thing cause it can ruin your life.
peace


"I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind."

    -the beatles.


Ashley C
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/27/2006 5:08 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope that things get better for you! How does your girlfriend react to all of this? If you feel guilty about the way you are feeling and acitng..you shouldn't! You can not help the way you feel! I hope that your girlfriend is supportive, and remember that it is not your fault!

dolly vita
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 3/27/2006 11:10 AM (GMT -7)   
well my girlfriend and I aren't together anymore. And she's with someone else. Thats the whole thing.. I don't blame myself for being in this situation, but it doesn't make things easier. The whole fact that this isn't my fault and that its beyond any mistake I might have made is the part that sucks. If I deserved this, I wouldn't mind dealing with it. But its just one of those things that you have to accept. Its horrible.
thanks for the words.
things are starting to look up a bit.
"I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind."

    -the beatles.


Ashley C
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/27/2006 6:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I am glad that things are starting to look up and I am really glad that you know it's not your fault. Sometimes really sad or bad things happen in life, and we have no clue why. Somewhere down the road you may find a new girfriend who is very supportive that loves you very much, and may end up getting married. I had two relationships that didn't work out prior to my marriage with my wondeful husband. Both of the guys didn't truly care about me and it would have been bad if we were together for a long time. My husband is WONDERFUL and he is very supportive...he has changed my whole life for the better and he helps me understand myself! I hope that one day you will get this some privelage and remember that it may not have worked out with her because someone way better will come along!
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