HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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in and out of it all
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 3/24/2006 3:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok I am new!!! I feel like crap all the time. For a period of 3 weeks I felt happy. I havn't been happy for 6 years. I am 16! My name is Kayla, by the way, and I am new. I need help. I have been told that I am ADHD, ADD, Bipolor, Depressive Bipolor, and Skico. I don't know what to do. Ok, for awhile, I was so happy, but now I am not! When I was younger I lived with my father from the age of 4 to the age of 15. There was alot of mental abuse, and a little physical abuse. I remember very little for that time. It is like my life is a black hole of nothingness. The were a serices of bad events that happened at my fathers house, so December, 22 of 2004 I moved in with my grandmother (my mother's mom). She took my to a doctor and I got a bunch of test done. The doctor concluded that I am bipolor/depressive. So I got put on meds for it. Well about August of 2005, I started have really bad anxity attacks. They were so bad, that when I would leave my house, I couldn't breather and I would get light headed, and sick to my stomack. Everything was so bad. Well, my grandmother went after my father for child support. His mother died in feb. of 06. I got 128 $ from her. That was hard. Then my grandmother(that I live with) found out I wasn't taking my med.s and she agreed to go along with it. Well, from about the beging of feb. of 06 to about a week ago, I was happy, and I am starting to feel like crap, and I don't know what to do anymore!!!!! I don't know it's all ****ed up!!!! excuse the lanugage. Sorry. I am just so.........NUMB! Thats how I would describe it! NUMB.......SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 3/24/2006 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kayla
Welcome to healingwell.  If I understand correctly you are off all meds?  Have you told your grandmother how you are feeling?  I know you've been through alot and it can be really hard to stay on your meds, especially during the time it takes your body to adjust to them.  You should be seen by a doctor, but if your grandmother is your guardian then she will have to make that decision.  I truly hope you get in to your dr. and are feeling better soon hon.
Take care
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
Unknown
 
 

Ashley C
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/24/2006 7:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Kayla!

I understand how you are feeling and it can be really hard. I was just diagnosed with bipolar but I have been experiencing the symptoms for years. It seems like I have a similar situation to yours....I grew up in a home with my parents that was very emotionally and mentally abusive and sometimes physically as well. It has taken me 19 years and being married and out of the house before I realized that my parents did and do love me...they just have had so many problems that they were having a hard time focusing on me and there was a lot of stress. When it comes to gut wrenching past hurts....it helps me to realize that it wasn't my fault and that my parents do love me. Now that you are living with your grandmother I hope things are better for you and that you can repair your relationship with your father. I have also realized that my dad is probably most definately undiagnosed bipolar and he refuses to get help...that causes stress for the family in itself. We know from experience that we can not help the way we feel.

I am someone who hasn't taken any meds regurally like I am supposed to because of no discipline and being depressed....now that I have been diagnosed I am taking my meds everyday because I know that I need help and I can't not stand the mood swings. From what you have described of your symptoms it sounds like you went through a stage of mania and now are crashing into depression. It would be really helpful to go to the doc and see if any of your meds need to be changed....and then do your best to stick to them regurarly. It takes a while for medicine to work...but I feel it is my last hope and I am making myself take it.

Hang in there as best as you can, get help, and remember that everything is not your fault. God bless you!

in and out of it all
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 3/24/2006 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Ellie 1 thankyou for your soport and guidence.


Ashley C,

I took my meds for 6 mounths like I was soposed to, and they just made me feel fake and superficial. They only numbed the pain, it didn't take it away. I can't do anything with out freeking out!!!!! I don't know, I am a little better now that my boyfriend is here. He help take my mind off everything else and focuse on just him!!!! T hankyou for the advice, and if you ever need anything, just email mme at kittykat1313132002@yahoo.com

SMSIRL
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 1061
   Posted 3/24/2006 10:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Firstly, welcome and thank you for sharing with us. Indeed, things have be rough but I hope this is a first step on the way to improving the situation.

These meds take time to work. Frequently a person can feel various feelings as you describe but this is not the end outcome of the treatment because over time your moods stabalise and you get the real benefits. If for some reasons the meds are not actually suiting you discuss it with the doctor. If it is just a poor drug for you he can then adjust it - this is his/her job. However, whatever the drug it is important to give them time to act. You were a long time getting into the volatile state you have been in, it is worth giving the time to get to a good place. These drugs don't give you a "normal" the way a "recreational" drug gives a "high". The recreationals give you a one off effect, the medicine is there to give you long term stability not a short-term "normal". They slowly allow the system to get less "jittery". If you are feeling anxious along the way more direct medicines/therapies can help in the short-term while you are getting the long-term fix. THERE IS A SOLUTION FOR YOU - just keep at it. We have been there too.

Best of luck

SMSIRL

in and out of it all
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 3/24/2006 11:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been taking these meds for 6 mounths and they didn't help, do you think I should take them for longer
sad i hate taking them. I just feel hopless and restless!!!!!

Ashley C
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/25/2006 3:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Kayla,

You are welcome for the advice. communicating with people here has really helped me see that I am not the only one going through these difficulties. I totally understand that you don't want to be on meds for a long time...I don't either...but I know that it is the only way I will begin to feel better. Maybe your doc had you on the wrong types of medicine or too high of a dose. It may be helpful to talk to the doc and explain your concerns with feeling superficial and being on them a long time...maybe the doc can help you find the right meds with the right dosage. I will be sending you an email and my email address is ACCarter04@hotmail.com I appreciate you giving me your email address and it is helpful if we all stick together and can offer eachother insight on what we are going through. Stay strong and don't give up!

SMSIRL
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 1061
   Posted 3/27/2006 12:08 PM (GMT -7)   
The are two elements to the answer.

1. There may be a need for adjustment to you meds. For example during a high people on lithium may be put on a higher dose, while low it is reduced. In order to get the best effect of medication it is important that you work with your doctor to adjust doseages and combinations. Initially, people with mood disorders are not aware of this aspect and may have problems that can be easily resolved with just fine tunning of the meds.

2. While your immediate problem would probably benefit from doing some work with your doctor and meds. The full benefit of treatment with drugs like Lithium for example may take over a year. Before then working closely with your doctor you can reduce the intensity of symptoms, but long term stability that means you've brought your moods within you control on an on-going basis just takes that bit longer. Remember, what is being done is not trying to make you falsely feel good but to get that balance back where your moods don't trow you but merely reflect a real emotional response to real issues so that we get the real appreciation of our experiences - not some inexplicable turmoil of emotions. This is the long term goal not just the quick fix of todays swing.

Please, keep in contact with us for support. Many of us have been through this process and know that there is a better outcome on the other side of the initial working out of meds. A better side that means all your real potential can be released by getting the burden of mood problems under control.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/28/2006 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
My boyfriend has Bipolar and I have seen him through quite a bit.  One of the biggest challenges for him was realizing that he has to stay on his medication.  He knows that it works for him now even though he went through a rather long period of medication adjustments with the psych doctor trying to find the exact right combination it was really hard for him to stick with it.  He is 33 years old and I found myself in the position of asking him everyday for months "have you taken your meds?"  Now, the combination is right and his two major complaints are that they make him tired and he feels like he has "no emotions".  He has a difficult time getting up in the mornings and getting off to work but this is his major priority as he does have bills to pay and has to keep his job so he does it.  Also, his grandfather died last year and he was upset because he couldnt cry about it. 
It does take awhile for the medications to work and to find the right combination that is going to work for you.  You just have to stick with it and be committed to your treatment in order to take your life back from this illness.  Take care....
~elisha
Cats are like potato chips ~ you can't have just one
 


SMSIRL
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 1061
   Posted 3/28/2006 5:58 PM (GMT -7)   
els - tired and "no emotions" would imply over tight control.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/28/2006 8:35 PM (GMT -7)   
SMSIRL,  I am not sure I understand what you mean by "would imply over tight control".  Could you explain this further please?  I have not discussed this with him to any length but thought it was because of (this feeling or not feeling) the stacking of his medications and the side effects.  It is a flat affect that he has.  Thanks....
~elisha
Cats are like potato chips ~ you can't have just one
 


SMSIRL
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 1061
   Posted 3/29/2006 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry for not responding quicker, the object is not to control mood swings to the extent of flatening affect on an on going basis [indeed flattening of affect is a symptom of Schizophrenia - it is sometimes a consequence initially but it is not an objective] the objective is to bring the mood variations withing a range that can be controlled by the individual. Some unfortunate individuals may not be able to achieve this objective but it should be the objective. One perspective on this was given in Goodwin & Jamison's book on Manic depressive illness published by Oxford Press. They describe how the problem has been viewed, from one perspective, as an issue of excessively thight natural controls which are easily broken by relatively normal mood swings but once the moods exit the region of control they become out of control pathological swings. The objective is therefore to allow swings but widen the range overwhich natural control can be exerted. Hence, the moods don't become pathological. If one takes this perspective the object is not to flatten affect but to broaden the control boundaries. In practice this means using medications such as lithium in a more dynamic way, varying does with different phases carefully so as to avoid excessive "flatening" or loss of control. Overtime, as the excessive perturbances in mood are deminish a more static matainence dose can be used, only to be altered for more significant stresses or when physiological changes require changes. This perspective relates also to one theory which proposes that BP illness is subject to sensitization and kindling, as are the epilepsies. That is to say that the problem initially requires a large stressor to cause an initial swing, and overtime the stressor required becomes less and less until the swings become essentially "endogenous". The object could then be restated as trying to increase the robustness of the natural controls so that every increasing stressors are once again required.
 
In practice this means one should always bring Flattening of Affect, apathy, or excessive swings to the attention of a medic and dosages/meds should be varied to achieve an optimal out come. The price degree of optimality is very individual so some people may have a flatter affect than others while retaining control of swings.

Post Edited (SMSIRL) : 3/29/2006 4:20:43 PM (GMT-7)


SMSIRL
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 1061
   Posted 4/2/2006 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Indeed learning new coping skills is agreat way to reduce the impact of a stressor and reduce chances of a swing. My cause for not mentioning it was purely in terms of medication dosage being a possible cause of flattening of affect.
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